over the past few months I’ve pretty much realized and accepted the failure that I am and that feeling inside me doesn’t go away. I’m sick and tired of it and each time all the expectations that are brought infront of me by my parents make me realize even more of the enormity of how badly I’m failing them. it kills me inside and each time I get these supposed wake up calls it makes me so angry inside and I cut myself and keep moving the blade over and over my first cut. I let the blood flow, see the trail and ponder over the fact that should I move the blade over my goddamn carotid and jugular and end it once and for all. atleast my parents will not have to deal with someone who is pretty much a failure to them. no more me, no more disappointment for them
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4 comments
stop worrying about what your parents think.
Worry about what YOU think. And try not to base what You think, on the false premises piled onto you by others.
I only ever failed myself, even when someone else had depended on me (or ‘expected’ something of me). The expectations of others, whether vocalised or not, were never of much concern to me; I am my own man. And in such, will abide by the expectations I set upon myself. Really, they’re more ‘guidelines’ than what I should expect, but either way I have a fairer idea of what I want to achieve and how I could/should go about it.
Your parents brought you into this world, you are their child and understandably would expect the world of you. In the end, you are your own person and have the power to live life as you see fit, free of any expectations impressed upon you.
here’s where it becomes a real problem:
The expectations of others, whether valid or deserved or accurate, will affect how they judge you, which will affect their actions in relation to you.
Actions, and the impacts thereof, do actually matter… regardless of whether you “care” about the expectations of others.
But aside from that, yeah, stop caring what other people think, unless ignoring their opinion will cause you a problem you don’t know you can solve or bypass.
This is kinda how law enforcement works. Some laws are absurd and unjust, but if you simply disregard them, that doesn’t mean you won’t be subjected to the consequences imposed upon you if you’re caught by those “people placing unfair expectations on you.” If you just don’t care that you’re expected to follow bad rules, break them, and get punished… well, then it probably would have been better for you to “care” about THOSE expectations, to help yourself avoid unnecessary problems.
Find your own definition of success. It’s hard to do that. I’m 70 and still trying. But don’t let others define who you are or who you can become. You have the curse and blessing of being your own person. This is not an easy, get married, have kids, etc. path in life. Perhaps listen to some Bob Dylan. It’s very hard in this world to be YOU.