In front of me I have 72 325mg regular strength Aspirin, a water bottle full of fruit punch, and two pizza pops which will hopefully be my last meal. I’m making this post so I can have people to talk to in my last vestiges of life… so let’s hang out and stuff
Well I met this girl a couple weeks ago. She’s pretty damn great let me tell you. Her eyes make me wonder why brown eyes ever got the reputation of being ugly in the first place. She’s got this smile that I don’t even know what I could possibly compare it to, oh and her dimples are so freaking cute. It’s actually really hard to put into words exactly how amazing I think she is. No one has ever made me feel so much joy that I completely forgot all about depression and don a stupid smile just simply by smiling at me but that’s […]
I haven’t cried in years, I’ve lost count it’s been so many, it’s not that I don’t want to cry but whenever I’m in a situation where I would cry I just can’t. I got a cold recently though and it’s causing a slight irritation in my eye and I found out that under the right conditions, bright light bulbs and a breeze, it will make my eyes water. Obviously I’m not actually crying but the feeling of tears rolling down my face makes me feel good. Like somehow a weight has been lifted. The same kind of feeling you get after you finish crying. […]
So, I’m an existential nihilist; The other day I was thinking about how as humans we constantly struggle to find a reason to live. A while back I read somewhere that the next step of human evolution is coming, and that one person in particular will thrust humanity forwards into that evolution. They said that the next step is transcending the human form by one of two ways: becoming one with technology (if you’ve seen the movie Transcendence it would be similar but on an obviously larger scale) or becoming one with the universe (aka spiritually). What if that is what happens after death, you transcend […]
Yeah so this community just seems established and I just kind of feel like I’m in the background with the right qualifications but not really fitting in. I don’t know why I even came here to begin with, I knew it wasn’t what I hoped it was but I stayed hoping, well I don’t even know what I was hoping for. I wouldn’t bother commenting on this either if I was you, I’ll be closing my browser after I publish this.
I’ve already stated how I’m waiting for summer to do anything and I’m not really sure how many, if any, people have been keeping up with my posts but I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. When I first became depressed I found that I could escape my feelings by playing video games and it’s been effective until recently. A game comes out in a couple days that should keep distracted a little while longer but when I inevitably lose interest in it I don’t know what I’m going to do, I’m already on the verge of giving up and doing something […]
Today I looked back at the times when I was moments away from killing myself and I remember there was something telling me not to, that pesky survival instinct or “will to live” all humans have. I was thinking about my attempt planned for this summer and I asked myself why I set such an arbitrary time frame. That’s when I realized it wasn’t arbitrary, it was so I could use a shotgun that I don’t have access to until then. Which brought into question why I didn’t plan my attempt around the hundreds of other ways I could kill myself before that. Survival instinct […]
I’m pretty sure it was a month or 2 ago that I made a post saying that I was hopefully leaving this world and that it could very possibly be my last post. Nope. It didn’t pan out the way I would’ve wanted it to so I’m still here. Around the time I found out it wasn’t going to happen my mother took notice for once of my depression. So it was about 4 years ago that my mother moved me away from my friends and I haven’t made any since, partially due to my social anxiety but also a lack of opportunity. Anyway my […]
If all goes well this may be my last post here. I think I finally found someone, we’re talking about a plan of action.
I’m writing this to thank everyone here and give some constructive criticism. You are all good people from what I can tell, helping random anonymous strangers through there roughest times while going through rough times yourselves in some cases. I see this as a place that welcomes the strange, and the lonely, and the scared, with open arms. My only criticism for this community would be the people who only offer support that encourages survival. I will admit that in most cases […]
I have been spiralling deeper and deeper into depression for several years now. Depression feels like a bottomless pit that I was shoved into, I never wanted to be depressed but now that I am here I have accepted it.
I have been spiralling deeper and deeper into depression for several years now. Depression feels like a bottomless pit that an impossible love shoved me into, I never wanted to love her but now that I do I have accepted it.
I have been edging closer and closer to suicide for several years now. Suicide seems like an escape from the eternal depression I feel, I did […]
Just give me one rational reason why suicide is so bad. I don’t support suicide but I’m not against it either, I’m a fence sitter looking to take a side. 3 Strikes and you’re out, batter up!