PrettyGirl

I genuinely thought the ‘i want to die’ phase was just a phase and that it was over but guess what not yet. Worst part is that before I could actually tell atleast one person about this but now I can’t even do that. The people I want to talk to have other people to talk to so I’m the one who’s always left and the one who always says that it doesn’t matter it’s fine I’m fine. They don’t even fucking ask atp and yeah I guess cuz I put up the greatest fucking act but for once I wish just once someone could […]

guess what? im back.

y’know i seriously thought that maybe I won’t have to come back but I prove myself wrong every single fucking time and at this point, I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

the future that I see right now is a fucking hell and well my present is too so ig I shouldn’t be that surprised but honestly speaking I thought that shit might be different this time. i really fucking did. but I guess I shouldn’t have because now it hurts even fucking more.

the future I see right now is something I wish I don’t actually have to live cuz trust […]

“she finally got her happy ending

she is finally happy now

even though she is lying on the floor

without her heartbeat

there is some place, where she is happy now”

i wish i could finally get my happy ending like this.

i heard this dialogue in a movie that in Solomon Islands when the villagers wish to cut down a tree but it seems too big to be chopped off, they circle it and curse at it, and in a few days the tree whiters down and dies on its own.

i think parents don’t actually know that they are doing this, well at least mine don’t because they do it every day and tbh more like every hour. when I say it to their faces that I wish to do nothing else but die they start to fucking scream at me that I don’t know what […]

im stuck. that’s what i am. people in this world are moving forward, doing something in their lives whether it makes them happy or not at least they have something to do. i on the other hand don’t. i don’t even have anything that brings me joy ffs. the things that I do are because everyone else is doing them. i study because everyone does, I make friends and try to talk to people because everybody does and I live because everybody does. but never once have I felt like I’m moving forward. i constantly feel like I’m in the same place I was before […]

I’m jealous. I’m jealous of everyone and everything. I am jealous of my fucking friends, I’m jealous of people who aren’t my friends.

I’m jealous of everyone who has other people to talk to and everyone who doesn’t need one. my friends and family treat me so shitty without even knowing and here on this website, anonymous people are telling me that I can vent to them. why the fuck can’t I do that? why can’t I help someone for once and not just sit here pleading for my help even when I don’t need it and there is no one in this fucking world who […]

“i like being alone, but i don’t fancy being lonely”

people around me are doing something or the other in their lives. they are either in good relationships, being happy or are excellent at studies, building up their future but again here I am, writing stuff that doesn’t matter to anyone on a site where everyone is as fucked up as me or even more. just yesterday when I was with my friends, all of them were talking but I kept feeling like there was a wall between us and the worst part was that I wasn’t bothered by the wall because I’m the one who […]

I feel like everybody is moving forward but me. people around me are doing things with their lives, maybe not the best things but at least they aren’t stuck like me. it’s like life is a road and everyone is going ahead and then there is me who is just standing still. even if I want to move forward I can’t because it feels like my feet are glued to the ground, stopping me.

I don’t have that many people in my life and that’s ok for an introvert because the people i had were real and true and honest. but now all of them have […]

i just don’t know what to do anymore. everything hurts- smiling, laughing, acting like i don’t think about dying and that i am not affected by all those insults. sometimes its just all too much and the worst part is that i have to act like it doesn’t affect me and that i don’t cut, that those scars on my arms are not my anger my frustration and my helplessness. all i can do is come here and write about it all, my feelings which i am too afraid to show others.

someone said to me that i have a lot in me but i don’t […]

people don’t understand how hard it is to survive. to live, not for someone else but for yourself. people say that you shouldn’t live for yourself but that is what everyone does because that’s what it means to be human-it means to be selfish. but what about people like me who don’t even want to live but do for the people around them, the few people who would blame themselves for my death. and also there’s my cowardness, the feeling that what is everyone going to think after i die?

i’m not lazy, i just have a certain amount of energy and right now i’m using […]

im one of those people who can never be invisible even if they want to be.

every time im surrounded by people i feel as if i couldn’t be anymore lonely. even with my friends, my family all i ever feel is that there is a wall and the worst part is that it doesn’t bother me, i feel as if its better this way because if i tore down that wall i would be hurt time and time again just like before. and i doubt i’ll be able to make it through this time.

loneliness silently creeps in and stays with you, growing on you, feeding […]

i can’t do this anymore. i am tired. exhausted. and just done. i can’t listen to one more insult or comment made about all my insecurities. its like its a loophole that im stuck in, a labyrinth with no escape and just insults and comments. if i reply then i am disrespectful, if i don’t then i am not listening. if i get angry then i am ill-mannered and if i don’t then im shameless. i can’t face those people again. the same people that i am forced to see every day and everyday i feel as if i should just not be here for […]

since yesterday, I feel like I can’t smile. like it’s a sin or something for a person like me to smile. but still, I do because if I don’t I won’t really help. I got scolded, I was told that I am someone who shouldn’t be trusted – as if I did not know that myself – but then too I kept smiling like nothing happened.

but today it was harder than other days because I felt as if there was someone inside me stopping me from smiling, from being normal. it’s like there is someone inside me who just wants to escape my body just […]