i hate today. i swear im going to be sick. somebody SHOOT ME NOW!!!!!! i am so sick of life alltogether. i cant stress that enough.
i have been in a mental hospital for six days. i wish i was still there. i was actually having fun there. i know its wierd to say, but i want to go back. once i left the hospital, i was hurt again. i almost stabbed myself with scissors last night. i just didnt have the guts to go through with it. i hate myself even more for being such a wuss.
i feel drained of all happiness.i hate everything. 4 days left. i asked my half sister if i could use her computer to chat w/ some of the people from this website. she never answered me. of course. thats just how the ***** is. i hate her, i hate my entire family. dont ask why because idk. i wish i could end it right now, but im at school. its official. i’m gonna drown.
i made my family cry. i forgot i had the cuts and i was moving the sleeves of my jacket. my dad saw. my mom is talking to my school counseler today. i have an appointment for another counseler in 5 days.
my boyfriend thinks im gonna be like other girls that cut themselves. everybody always thinks im trying to be like someone else. i hate that. im not like anybody else. i am shelly. and that’s all i am. just a stupid worthless misunderstood girl.
i hurt physically. my boyfriend saw me about to hurt myself. i still have the glass. he tried to take it away. he just doesn’t get it. he always says he wont let me die, but that’s not his choice. it’s mine.
13 is my lucky number. saturday i had to clean the dishes. i ended up breaking a glass cup. i have a piece of it still. technically im not hurting myself because it doesnt hurt. i dont cut that deep though. 13 cuts let me know that my suffering will soon be over. its my sign of hope that my life is coming to an end really soon. i dont have my own computer at home, so i just use the one at school. otherwise i’d post something every day. my email is shellyproffer59@gmail.com if anyone cares. i have an unexplainable hurt and hatrid in […]
i have to go to therapy on the 22nd of this month. my parents know i’m upset. they just don’t really know how upset i am. i’m slowly slipping away from my boyfriend. it seems better this way. he doesnt know i’m still gonna kill myself. he doesnt know a lot about me. i’m glad nobody really knows me. except my best friend. he knows me better than anyone. i’m not telling him anything. i always get these stupid fucking lectures about how suicide is bad, but it’s probably a hell of a lot better than where i’m at now. if anyone knows, tel me […]
I’ve been wishing i was dead for as long as i can remember. i tried drowning, but i panicked. obviously i havent died yet. i was too scared to die. i’m not anymore. i’m going to do it this time. fuck what anybody says! i’m still gonna do it.
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