My friend  told me this today
You know your beautiful right? Even with the scars on your body and heart. I’ve never met anyone more beautiful or as  strong as you.Â
The reason I’m sharing this is because I think that everyone has there own beauty and there own strength.
So stay beautiful people!!!!
Today my mum phoned telling us that my older brother left home. He just packed up his stuff and left, He has no money, smokes alot, drinks a lot and hangs around with very rough people. It made me realise that he’s not who he used to be, he used to be someone I looked up to, someone I loved and trusted but now…. now he’s not. But the thing is I don’t want him to come back he ruins everything, He hits me for the stupidest things, he gets annoyed at me just because i’m there…If he never existed I probably would have lived […]
I’m fed up with this.
I can’t change myself and be who i want to be because it goes against my reputations.
I can’t be weak or emotional because it’s not how people see me.
I can’t wear make-up because its also against my reputation.
I smile though I don’t feel like it.
All the photos I have of me have fake smiles in.
For once I just want to smile for real.
For once I just want people too actually see me for me, not to see me as a fake. Iwant to be real. I WANT TO BE ME!!
The thing is i’m not quite sure i know who i am any more and I dont really care.
I had a breakdown last week at a school trip. I  sat somewhere away from everyone else. I knew no one would come and check on me because they don’t see me as their real ‘friend’ because I’m too different from them. So I sat alone as my mind reminded me of everything that’s gone wrong and the reasons for them. I remebered why my friends left me. I remembered why I almost killed myself last year. I couldn’t think straight. Then as i’m about to cry who else to come […]
I want to disappear. To end it all.
Suicide is always somewhere in my mind. I thought of many ways: Hanging, Stabbing my self and Jumping. And 2 years ago I almost jumped off a bridge. But I couldn’t. I was afraid. Afraid of dying. Afraid of hurting the people that care about me. Â But most of all afraid that noone would remember me.
Everything keeps getting worse, Rumours of things i’ve never done. People distancing themselves from me. People calling names, throwing stuff, bullying me. It gets worse everyday. And no one helps me or is it no one cares. My mind has been set now, […]
Its just like when everything starts to work its self out something else goes wrong. Like everything  thing I do ends up being a mistake. I end up regretting everything.  I sit down at school and watch every ones smiling faces. I watch them having fun. Then try think back to the last time I felt like they did. I can’t remember. It feels as if iv’e always felt this way.  I went home and took out all my photo albums and looked at the photographs of me when I was younger there wasn’t a single picture of me with a sad expression. I looked at them crying I […]
Its not even funny anymore why am I getting into these difficult situations and being blamed for shit which i havnt done.
First thing that happened recently is my ‘best’ friend turned around one day and just told me to go away and to never talk to her again…. I was like ok? wth… so anyways a couple of days later i talked to her again and she starts that crap again telling me to fuck off.. by now I’m like what the fuck have I done… So I ask someone else and they say I apparently I was taking about my friend behind her back… […]
I got really annoyed today in school. In my first lesson I got called out by the counsellor, I was confused because I sorted it out all before. ( I told her I would stop cutting and she believed me) So anyway she comes and tells me someone has told her i’ve been cutting again. I was like WTF because I havn’t cut since before.  So we had a massive chat about stuff and then she says if I get called out again she would have to tell parents. And this is supposed to be confidential WTF.
When I eventually got back to class I told my friend that someone had told […]
I’ve told my story once on here nobody commented so I thought screw this why do I post it anyway? I posted it because none of you knew me and hopefully some of you would understand hopefully some one will read this one.
A couple of weeks after I posted my story on here one of my ‘friends’ told the school counsellor that I had been cutting myself and she didn’t have the courage to speak to me about it. The counsellor kept asking why I did it, I never replied I told her I was stopping because at the time I wanted to. After two sessions I was finished with her, […]
My life seems to have fallen apart.
The First thing that happened was my mum leaving my dad , yeah alright parents break up all around but my mum left me with my dad and my three brothers.My life was never gonna be the same.
The Second thing that happened was disgusting I was still 8 and my oldest  brother was 15 . One day I asked if I could play some songs on his keyboard and he turned round and asked me to kiss him and he’d allow it, so I did ’cause I had to practice this song for my lesson. Then after that it happened more and more […]
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