Author

shadowclone0

Should I just lie to everyone?

by shadowclone0 7/24/2013

written by shadowclone0

My mother is one of the biggest problems in my life. I haven’t been a christian
for a long time now. She did the usual things good parents try to do, but
also tried to smother me in christian values. It screwed me up because
between her and my dad, I was never good enough..

The biggest problem was not knowing if God was even real. So I had her
trying to brainwashing me(and she succeeded to a certain extent) while
I tried(unsuccessfully) to find myself.. yes, I realize other people are lost

7/24/2013 3 comments

Guilt Trips..

by shadowclone0 7/4/2013

written by shadowclone0

what is it with parents/ loved ones and guilt trips..

they always cut me so deep..

I feel like such a piece of shit afterwards..

I realize I screwed up, but..

after one guilt trip, especially from my mother..

I just want to disappear forever..

death.. is fine, don’t care..

then I get angry.. but that gets me nowhere..

guilt trips, so cheap and piercing..

simple words that destroy my day..

suicidal thoughts flood my soul..

and the fight in my mind continues once more..

and so, in the end, the person who so adamantly doesn’t want me to kill myself..

is the very same […]

7/4/2013 2 comments

Is killing yourself really difficult?

by shadowclone0 6/27/2013

written by shadowclone0

I’ve read lots of posts here over the last two years..

It seems like there are a lot of failed attempts..

so, without any ill intentions on my part..

Do random things just go wrong or something?

I’ve always been too scared to try because I know myself..

I’m a VERY huge perfectionist..Â not toward others, just things I do..

So I know very well that I will not fail if I try..

That’s why I’ve never tried because I still have a small small hope..

and as long as I still have that tiny hope(even if that same tiny hope

feels so hollow or totally gone some days), I won’t try it yet..

So […]

6/27/2013 6 comments

WHY?!?

by shadowclone0 6/25/2013

written by shadowclone0

Why does one person’s opinion that I don’t even care about bother me so much?

I’ve never understood this..Â Â Â Â Â it makes no sense..

I’m not trying to make myself not care..Â Â Â Â Â I really don’t care.

but it doesn’t matter..Â Â Â Â it still bothers me..Â Â Â makes me angry..

I don’t even care enough to say anything back to the person..Â Â Â Â but it still bothers me?!

this happens to me a lot, and I never understand it..

they don’t even know anything about me..Â Â Â why does it bother me?

maybe I’m just mentally illÂ Â Â 🙁

WHY?!

6/25/2013 2 comments

My story of nothing

by shadowclone0 6/24/2013

written by shadowclone0

(I think this is another form of throwing up)

I grew up in a family that seemed okay financially.Â It would have been better

but my father liked guns.Â He spent a lot of money on guns and rifles.Â We

were mostly taken care of, but we always had less than other kids at my school.

I was a shy kid, and played video games.Â My dad played a huge role in

my shyness; he ruled my home with fear.Â A huge paddle from his college was

used for disciple in our home.Â (or he would just yell at me for little things)

I’m not against spankings for children, but it was […]

6/24/2013 2 comments