So… it’s kind of like flying in a weird-not-really-way… and flying when you have no wings doens’t work out too well… time goes by slowly when everything is grey but it goes by fast when everything is not grey. Grey… grey… grey… everything is still grey. It’s weird and confusing and weird and confusing over and over… it hurts but it feels good in a weird numbish way. Memories are so incoherent and messed up. I can’t remember… i can’t remember it… and if i do i don’t remember if it’s real or a dream, or a picture, or a story conjoured up into a […]
SiLvEr_PoIsOn
So, it’s just about December… and just about that time. On December 4th 2008, (Last year) my mother died. She’d been sick for like….7 years etc. I’ve mentioned this before, but now as the time where her pain was greatest creeps by i find it hard to breathe. I feel numb everywhere and i don’t feel anything. It’s almost christmas… but i feel no joy for the season, i love the snow and yet all it brings is sadness to my heart. I love singing christmas carols and drinking hot chocolate but now it makes me want to vomit. All the happy merry faces and […]
So, i can’t say i understand anyone elses pain but my own and i can’t say that i know how to help… but i can try. I can listen and i can relate and i can care. Maybe it’s not enough for some people to just have someone to listen but for others it is enough for others it make everything seem a bit smaller.I’m not the happiest camper out there, and you know it’s life, i’m human we’re all human it’s how we are. It’s in our nature to be over-whemeled by emotion and completely lost in life. To feel alone… to feel like […]
Somewhere i am cold, somewhere i miss my dead mother who died less than a year ago, somewhere i want to tell my boyfriend i love him but i just don’t know how because people use the phrase ‘i love you’ all the time that it doesn’t have any meaning anymore. Somewhere i feel like i’m standing in the middle of a room crowded by people and there just pushing around and i keep stumbling and falling down but no one sees and no one stops to help me, they just keep going pushing shoving and ignoring me. I start to scream and no one […]
Okay so… most adults think that teens are like… “that kid who went and got drunk and went off driving for the fun of it…”. That we’re just over reacting to things and that we don’t understand how lucky we are or whatever. But you know what, i do know, well, not entirely but i’ve heard, i’ve seen, i’ve thought. I may not be in other situations , but i know. I AM lucky, but there are also things that aren’t happy in my life, as there is in probaly everyones. Teens aren’t just “dumb kids” or foolish. I wonder how many adults actually think […]
So, it all started like… 6-7 years ago. I was 8 or 9 and it was winter. I lived with my mom, my dad and my sister Hillary. We had decided to go on a family sledding adventure to the park, whoopie. So things in my family we’re…. okay. My father loved my mother and she loved him, and they loved us and we loved them. Woopie love, anyways. My dad was and still is a strict rather irritatingly pesimistic father, like many parents are. He sometimes would hurt my sister, not alot but enough to make her cry, and make me scared. My mother […]