Is about experiences…
About learing from them.
Life…
is scary.
Like with my ex boyfriend, I broke up with him a few years ago, from a 2 year long distance relationship and we decided to stay as friends. When I moved back to the same area I realized that he would always ignore me when I really wanted to at least see him… but I realized, after a few months, it was already too late. Nothing, no more hopes and no more dreams. And worse of all his parents told me to just move on. His friends, whom used to be mine, they just told me to move on as well.
Not him though. He just […]
It may be sad, but its my only way…
They told me to move on. It took me awhile… but I finally put the puzzle together. It was so frustrating… I was so clueless. I tried so hard to fight through it all. I tried to save friendships. I tried. But I really got tired. I didn’t want to surrender. I thought there would be at least a little faith, a little hope a little miracle… a little light. I thought we were best friends… I thought… we were still… at least… friends. But instead, I embarrassed myself again. I lost control on who I was. This was why I turned […]
Isn’t a
Fairy Tale
That I once thought
Or
Hoped and believed
Of…
Life
is different…
I wish
I was
A kid again
And
This time
Stay
As a kid.
I have no past
No history at all
Why should I
No one can ever go back
Only forward
Time will never stop
It will only rush
Though only a non stopped path
No breaks included.
Trying to be friends with an ex
Difficult
Distances a bit better
But in most cases
Difficult
That is why no one believes in being friends with an ex.
I thought my friendship with this one certain ex was different
but i realized we were distanced.
Person lived in another area while I was in another.
Thought our friendship was different.
But I guess I was wrong
Friendship was nothing but a great disaster
Once I heard what was really going on.
I flipped out. Thought there was a great trust. But now I guess not. I believe that in the past they were all lies. Nothing but lies. If that person really trusted me, person would have […]
Losing a great friendship for after so many years
is like you never have met them.
Strangers at the beginning with no history.
Friendship in the middle
Thought friendship was supposed to last forever
A great friendship at least.
Thought it was supposed to be
So many history together
So many memories
Just became forgotten.
So much doubts
So much distance
But it was worth it.
Now Strangers at the end
There’s no tomorrow
Only cuz there was yesterday
Change is difficult.
And at the end,
Strangers once again.
Once you told them you loved them
It just goes downhill
No hope
No light
No faith
No trust
No anything
Just nothing
But dead memories
Its true
People change
Even if they don’t want too
People will eventually change
And all you have too do is..
is move on.
Accept […]
I am sorry that I fucked he’s mind up.
He got too close to me, and I just got scared.
Cuz I know he wouldn’t understand.
The more I over think
The more bitter I sence to become
I am a coward
I may be a first impression
but inside
I just want to cry
I may seem to be a *****
but I am terrified
I pushed him away so he wouldn’t get hurt
Mind games
I know how they work.
I am a master on observing
If you’re alone like me for many years
then yea
I hope you understand
Being the only child
Since you were 1 years old
then you should know
I should be lucky
but I am not.
It hurts
Caring for him except myself
for years
thinking he was family
and now he just […]
I found the box. Opened it and searched it… It hurts… I didn’t know pain would hurt this much. I didn’t know the guilt would hurt more than I moved away. I wish to forget everything completely. I wish to wipe it out of my mind, so i wouldn’t bug them anymore. i messed up. i should have set a plan, I should have set a goal. i should have talked about it. but i didn’t. Now i grief in so much anger, now i greif in so much bitterness, so much pain. I have done way too much pain, only cuz i was such a terrible friend. i […]
How can I live there
When all I think about is the past
How am I supposed to go back
When all the time I keep hating
and it feels like I am rushing
What is the rush for?
Everyone has grown up
Why can’t I?
What am I supposed to do?
My guilt is running away. My guilt is that I am too late to apologize for my actions.
I’m just too afraid to stand on my own; to stand up towards my fears.
I know that I am a coward.
This time the new surrounds me.
Closing in
Wanting to run
Wanting to fight
Wanting to not cry again.
I pinch myself to wake up
I pinch myself to come out
I even counted
But when I opened my eyes
All I could see are there faces around again.
Calling by my first name
Calling me by my nickname
If mother found out
She would have asked so many questions
And I wouldn’t reply.
I’ll just sit there like a dumb ass again.
Fearing for another history repeat
BTW was sleepying on the bathroom floor.
Just closed my eyes for a bit
and then I was sitting on top of a tree.
Cradeling myself
Remembering the places I used to have gone with certain people.
Climbed down […]
Sorry, I have been in deep thought for a few couple of weeks. Trying to figure out my own situations, complixed complicated life.
Instead of forgetting, I will just write it down. Hopefully take all of these memories away from my mind. Start over, a new chapter, Learning Lessons. But hopefully to draw again, hopefully to enjoy things again, hoping to love and forgive myself for all these years of hating and wanting myself dead. Hoping one day I could love someone else as well again. But better. Right now isn’t the time, the day, or chapter to be with anyone but myself and family again. No lie it’s ganna be hard, and its […]
This is what makes me happy. If only it would come true.
Angel: (Her Story)
Angel lost without word had fallen into the woods. Broken white wings and a half cracked halo, she meets a fallen angel. Fallen Angel afraid, not knowing what to do, instantly carried her.
Fallen Angel (His story) After Accident:
She meets him, he met her, as they both walk into the bright path, he grabbed her hand so she wouldn’t be afraid. Not knowing they both received wings and golden light crowns. She didn’t see what had become, but she realized that it was the man. He turned and threw the crown back; waved […]
I HATE REALITY!
IT IS FUCKING TORTURE!
When I come back.
I wont care, I’ll just be me.
You hate, then hate.
I don’t f***ing care anymore.
You want to push me away then fine. Push me away.
You want to talk bout the past.
F*** You!
You actually really care, then convince me.
If not, then pretend you never knew me. Stop wasting your precious time.
Then just leave me alone.
Just be like everyone else and turn into strangers. I tried;Â IÂ always try.
You didn’t even give me a second or third chance.
Why should I tell you my story? If I told you the story then okay, if not, then I really don’t trust you.
Mind your damn f***ing buisness.
Seriously, I aint ganna be too nice anymore.
I […]
They just pretend to care
They’ve never been in your shoes
They don’t understand
They just want to take your money
If they cannot handle you
They’ll just tell you that you’re crazy
They’ll just embarrase you
Tell your parents and family that you’re insane
I trusted a stupid therapist just once
and where did it lead me?
I told her to never told my parents
but what happened?
She called them up
Told them
Ever since then my parents controlled my life
They told me that no body cared
They told me that I am alone
and that made me afraid
Afraid for my future.
Mother always told me that father was just wasting his money of pills that would never work
And now […]
I do not know anymore
The more I am ignored
The more I become annoying
The more frusterated I become
And the more of a bitter coward I turn into
I do not want to be afraid anymore
But that is all I know how to be
I do not know which path to take anymore
All I do is cry
Remembering is just a lie
Memories taunt me every night
Then it seems the next day
Feels like I am insane
Is it mad
Am I really just insane
Talking about the past
I can’t seem to stop
The tragic pain
Just wont recover
The past
Just trapped
Trying to fix it
But cannot
They always want answers
Everyone always just wanted answers
I’m trying to give them
But they just don’t understand
They just wont listen anymore
I wish to be free from the past
I wish to be away
I think I am much more insane than I was before
Anxiety and depression taking over my soul
and body
Everything good or bad
Now just the way of life
I guess I am too late.
Too late to do anything anymore
but just isolate myself.
all i do is cry
wishing and hoping
all i want to do is stop
my memories are taking over my soul
im too afraid now
im more of a coward now
i’ll never get the answer
nothing that i have done
will ever work
im tired
too tired
i don’t want to give up
but i can’t go thru this
i wish there was something i could do
i just wish.