This time the new surrounds me.
Closing in
Wanting to run
Wanting to fight
Wanting to not cry again.
I pinch myself to wake up
I pinch myself to come out
I even counted
But when I opened my eyes
All I could see are there faces around again.
Calling by my first name
Calling me by my nickname
If mother found out
She would have asked so many questions
And I wouldn’t reply.
I’ll just sit there like a dumb ass again.
Fearing for another history repeat
BTW was sleepying on the bathroom floor.
Just closed my eyes for a bit
and then I was sitting on top of a tree.
Cradeling myself
Remembering the places I used to have gone with certain people.
Climbed down and all I wanted to do was to go home.
Then I see people that I knew just surrounding me.
All I want is for them to tell me its alright, they forgive me. All I want is to explain to them how deeply sorry I am.
I just want to say that I’m sorry, for wasting their time.
I’m sorry that I messed up.
I’m sorry that I pushed them away.