Soulless-dawnkeeper

Hey there… I am a 19 year-old female, these are my thoughts… need to get them out…

I want to talk or scream , but my vocal cords refuse.

I want to cry, but my eyes stay dry.

I want to run, but my legs won’t move.

It’s so frustrating. I want to be heard, but I am afraid of talking. Afraid of opening my mouth.

Afraid of rejection, Afraid of people.

I suck at being alone. But I suck at being with people.

I need them. I push them away.

I need to be heard

to be held

to be loved

maybe people love me, but this box I made… these walls… they are too […]

Hey there,

Today my brother talked to me. He’s 36 or something, I’m almost 19. Whe have different dads. I see him once a year if I’m ‘lucky’. ( he lives abroad) I love him, cause he’s my bro, but we are so different…

So when he decided to open his mouth… it came with a shot in my heart. He says I’m spoiled and that I should think of people in Africa, and people who will die for the opportunities I have… That I’m an attentionseeker by saying I wanted to jump of a bridge. He says going to a therapist is stupid and that I have […]

How am I suppose to hold on when I feel dead?

How am I suppose to hold on when I don’t want anyone near me, since I suck?

How am I suppose to hold on when I can’t stalk my friends and exes anymore, since they’ve had enough?

HOW? tell me how…

I’m sorry for irritating you and wining and being totally blegh.

I love you. I mean it. You’re a kind stranger. <3

Someone knows how to feel something when you’re empty?

Also, sometimes my body is raging but my mind is black…

what can I do?

I’m sorry guys….

I’m down. I called a friend for help. He “didn’t have time”, so I asked him to call my ex to call me ( I deleted his number so I couldn’t stalk him), and he did. He said to my ex `it wasn’t necessary’ , so…

he eventually called me … drunk… blaming me I had sex with my ex and shit, but I needed him to be here…

He stopped the conversation by saying: “well, I’m going now… bye. ”

Yeah, I had sex with him, but you don’t know why… I’m empty… I want to feel…

I need you…

BE HERE, please… you gave me almost […]

I’m low… really low…

I’m so full of adrenaline…. holy fuck… I’m scared…

I want to fall apart. I need to.

I need to be hold tight…

I need to fall apart in someones arms…

but nobody’s here.

I need too cry, but I have to be strong…

Holy shit…

Save me…

catch me when I fall… I’m falling…

Dearest strangers and friends,

Today I called my dad’s girlfriend to pick me up at the crossroad in front of my school since I was feeling down. ( okay, very down. ‘that building is high… the light is red, I could jump in front of…. would I break my neck if….’) When I called her I was still at the bus and I haven’t been in the school building. She picked me up, took me home and called my dad who called my GP. He wil fill in a ‘crisisform’ so I will get a psychiatrist right away.

I’m so happy, but scared as well. What can […]

to help you re-rail again <3

http://www.sugarcubefactory.com/

Hey there, how are you? I’m new here.  I’m Soulless-dawnkeeper, an 18-year-old girl.

I’m so sorry if I will bore you with my story, I just got to vent. I have read a lot of stories for I think half a year now, but I didn’t have the guts. If you have any comments and/or advise; you are more then welcome.

I’ll start at the age of 7. I had this huge crush on a boy, but he rejected me, over and over. That made a huge scar. I was the dumb-fuck. I was/am terrible at maths and everybody thought I was stupid. When I was 8 […]