I want to feel. anything. I feel so fucking empty. My moods swing constantly. Half an hour ago I was jumping up and down with energy..
I want to cut, so I can feel that sweet rush flow trough my body, I want to smoke, I want to drink, have sex so freaking much…
and now I have to leave my bed to go to work. Yey 🙁
4 comments
Hello Dawn,
Have we met? I totally get this up and down and back and forth and over and under and up and down and ….blah…you get the point. I’m sorry I don’t know or remember enough about you to make any decent attempts at giving good advice…it can occasionally happen though…haha I have suffered from a severe depressive disorder from birth(melancholia) as well as severe anxiety…social and otherwise(GAD)…I had my first memorable panic attack at the age of 5..the beginnings of a panic disorder…as well as many phobias…I still have a couple..hahaha…and…blah…3 bags full…I think you understand.
My point is…and yes I do have a point finally..hehe…I am now a 51 year old woman and it just keeps getting better as I keep getting better. The depressions become less severe…the duration lessens…and I can sometimes go months without a major depressive episode. When they do happen…I now know how to cope most times and I can pull myself out in less than 3 days. When things got too much and I couldn’t deal with it…you kind souls on SP were here for me. Just want you to know that I am here for you as well.
Hope work wasn’t too terrible…something distracting happens or something…lol…and just know…if you had asked…I would have written you a note for a mental holiday…my favourite holidays…yeah. I may not be your mom…but I’m somebody’s mom…so I should have some sway with the boss eh?…haha
Peace
Amakua
Hey Amakua,
Yep, It’s me, Dawn. 🙂
So, You’re saying: hang on, you will get the grab on your life, but… I just can’t see it coming. Cause when I’m almost there, when I’m at my high, I fall down and hit a new low. I can’t see a better day, I can’t see a future. I can finally learn how to drive, since a year now, but I just can’t see the point since I always said I won’t make it till 19 ( I have 30 days left…)
I know, I am 19, I’m young and in the last ( hopefully) fase of puberty. but still.
up and down and down down, rock bottom, down, on top of the world, down… it’s so fucking MUCH too handle..
ha, that would be awesome if it could.
How are you doing Amakua??
Lots of love,
Dawn
OMG…it’s my soul mate and much younger, prettier twin…Good Morning Dawn. Life is soooo unfair. My mom has been in hospital and I just got a call that she is pitching a fit…trying to sign herself out and call a cab…stoopid me…I took her money yesterday…hahaha So I really have to run and do an intervention…imagine a temper tantrum on morpheine…oooooo…but I so want to catch up with you. When I get home tonight…I will create my first post in months…just to catch up with you. I am soooo frigging happy right now…shame on me…my poor mother…hahaha
Sooo much has happened…I’m just sorry you are feeling so shitty….I promise…be back as soon as possible…have I got a story for you hun.
Love ya
Ama
Ama,
sorry about your mom.