i’m drifting away from my life and i don’t fucking care that i’m drunk at 2 in the morning on a school night again because i don’t even panic about this anymore and why should i? people are more surprised if i’m at school for once than if i’m away for a week. i can’t throw up anymore because i don’t eat and if i try to vomit i just end up coughing up blood and mucus. i just want to be perfect and clean and being perfect by my own standards is all that concerns me now. it makes no sense because i’ve only […]
i’ve always been someone who needs to be someone to other people, you know? having lots of friends who depend on and trust me has been the thing that keeps me going and makes me appreciate myself and my life. i don’t know when exactly i ran out of energy to spend on other people. why did that happen? at some point i became insanely apathetic. i had no energy to try and take care of everyone anymore. i lost my purpose, my calling in life and people got mad at me for not caring enough. why did i become such a bad friend? now i’m […]