I hate the physical pain of depression and the feeling of complete anxiety (unbelievable fast heartbeat included) I feel everyday. Death is the only way to relieve it FOREVER. I don’t know if I have the guts to do it, though, because I’ve tried 3 times and each time I was too much of a coward to go through with it (keep going).
How old are you?
Are you a girl or boy?
How long have you had depression?
My answers:
20 years old
Girl
I’ve had depression for 13 years (and anxiety for 5)
so fucking much. 3 friends dying in 1 year (2015) did a BIG number on me, and that was when I went astray in the department of “sanity”. I had already had depression for 11 years and severe generalized anxiety for about 3 years. But, when they died, I was like… What the FUCK. That’s not supposed to happen when you’re 17 and 23. That’s NOT supposed to happen to the best childhood friend I ever had. That’s NOT supposed to happen to a boy who was about to graduate early from high school and already got into a good medical school. That’s NOT supposed […]
I would have died a LONG time ago. I don’t deserve life. I’m eating food that should be eaten by people less fortunate than me. If this world loses me in the next year, it’ll keep going like nothing happened. I’m only 1 out of 7 billion people (and rising). What the hell am I to the world? Nothing.
I still feel like shit because of this well known thing called depression (and anxiety), but for 10 minutes, I was pulled out of it. I was walking and I found this little guy in the middle of the sidewalk. He wasn’t moving. I thought he was dead. But, I couldn’t just leave him there. The way I saw it, I could pass him by and pretend I didn’t see him, like everyone does to us, or I could pick him up and take him some place where he would be safer. I took him down to the pond across the street from my house, […]
I don’t cry much about my depression and anxiety. I cry when people are evil to me but never about how much pain I’m in. But today, I just cried a lot. I don’t even know what about. I just cried. This life = torture. Nothing more to it. This life = the cruciatus curse.
I will shoot myself in a matter of months. The day and month depends on my future experiences. At this point, it’s honestly a contest with myself. Can I make it to December (the latest date, aka I will die this year) or will my dad (and anxiety and depression, but mostly my dad) drive me to the edge sooner? I don’t know. BUT, why do people in the ER try to save you. I don’t have a living will or whatever its called where I could say Do Not Rescusitate, because I think it would be suspicious if a 20 year old got one. […]
on my final. I got 0 seconds of sleep last night while I was having constant panic attacks. Despite that, I got a B on my final and, therefor, a B in one of the 4 classes I’m currently taking. Also, my dad called me today and said that he does not approve of me extending my, now long, break from having a job. Whatever. The thing is, I STILL care what he thinks. I STILL do whatever it takes to make him happy. So messed up. He has caused me WAY more pain than a father should ever inflict on their child, and yet […]
I suck as a human being. I have no worth. You’re probably thinking why did she post 3 posts in a span of 10 minutes. Don’t ask, because I don’t know. Anyway, I think self harm is going to be my new best friend. It’ll help me get through the next few months 🙂 Hopefully, my mind will shut the fuck up soon enough so I can get SOME sleep. I have to do a final tomorrow, the first of 4 in the next week. Ahh, why do I exist? I HATE it. I NEVER asked to be born. On top of that, while doing […]
What did we do to deserve this? I don’t get it. I don’t understand. And how does someone get the idea that they know what someone else is going through. And therefor they think they can tell them what’s best for them. “Don’t kill yourself, it get’s better” Sorry, but I’d beg to differ. I’ve been in this sheer torment and pain for 13 years of my 20 year existance. For some of us, our destiny is to live in pain and then die at our own hands. I will never tell you what you should do with your body. If your heart can’t take […]
I’m literally living in Hell everyday. There are no words to describe how I feel, and if you were damned with having severe depression and anxiety like I did, you know what I’m talking about. No words expect utter pain. It’s just pain. And torment.
To list everything that’s wrong with this world would take up all the time that I have left.
I hate that I care what the fuck my dad thinks. He has NEVER understood me. He thinks he’s right about everything, and you CANNOT convince him otherwise. He has alienated all of his brothers and sisters and whenever he sees my sister, he starts a fight. And he makes her cry, EVERY time. And it’s HARD to make my sister cry. She is the strongest person I know. He’s a drunk and he scares my mom, sister, and I, even though he’s on the other side of […]
One month until I’m going to try to take my life. I don’t know if I’ll have the *female* balls to do it. Ugggh. I hate that. But I’m just so miserable, and life sucks, and people are mean, and whats the point?
Depression is a lonely road
The lost souls walk
Sometimes we wish our
Time would cease on our clock
But the time keeps going
It seems endless
While we are drowning
In the tsunamis of our sadness
After a while we know
We were never meant to be
We’re just slowly rotting
Waiting to be set free
Our expiration date has passed
And yet we’re here
So we start looking at ways
To make us disappear
Should it be pills
Or a noose or a gun?
Whichever way we choose
If we’re dead, we’ve won
*Disclaimer, this is not a suicide poem. I’m not going to kill myself… yet*
I’m a lost soul
I want to die
So farewell…
and goodbye
Nobody on here even. All of you are sort of friends, and I’m the 3rd wheel, 5th wheel, 2,975th wheel… like I have been since the day I was born.
People are born, they live, and they die. Why is it such a hard thing for people to talk about death. Death is a natural part of life. It’s what makes us mortal. Death is something everyone in the history of humankind (and animal kind, and plant kind and blah blah blah) have gone through, and its something that every human that will ever live in the future will experience. To me (and forgive me if I sound crazy or sappy or whatever):
Death is something that binds us together, not separates us. Everyone has different experiences in life. People are rich, poor, successful, barely scraping […]
the background check for the gun. It is in my trunk until I can move it safely without my mom noticing. I also got a box of ammo. I know you’ll all think I’m a total wimp, but its kind of scary, all of this. Scary if I don’t succeed. Scary if something goes wrong with my plan so I wont be able to go out the way I want to, where I want to, when I want to. Scary because, I don’t know, I’m going to shoot myself. I know this sounds crazy like, why the fuck did you get the gun anyway. I’m […]
This song pretty much sums up what I feel. I love it. My favorite lyric is “Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night? Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?”
at Gander Mountain. I just have to go there and submit some information for a background check. I’m 99% sure I’ll pass that background check. I’ll have peace when I finally pick it up because I’ll know that if I can’t make it to June 4th, I can go anytime I want. I REALLY hope I can pass the background check. Fingers crossed.
45 days.
45 days I will no longer have pain.
45 days I will no longer suffer.
45 days I will be at peace.