I feel like I can’t control any of my feelings anymore. After I cut my self yesterday I cried all day. I have no idea what I am doing anymore. I used to be able to control my feelings very well. But now I feel like I can’t do anything right.
I cut for the first time in a long time.
I was angry and I felt betrayed.
It’s like I couldn’t control anything.
I cut my wrists. The blood looked pretty.
After it was done. It’s like everything was gone.
I started crying. I felt like a failure.
I should stop getting worked up over things out of my control.
I know it’s not my fault. But I can’t stop blaming myself.
Xoxo
I feel like I am on the edge.
Like I can’t turn back.
Have come so far.
I feel that I am trapped.
I’m scared and alone.
I don’t think I can turn back.
I’m scared to live.
And I’m scared to die.
I feel like such a coward.
Why can’t I just disappear.
I’m just a fuck up.
Why do you even try.
I gave up.
So why do you look at me that way.
With those loving and forgiving eyes.
It would be easier for me if you just hated me.
Like I hate myself.
Why do I try.
It’s not like […]
I met this girl. She is absolutely amazing. But that’s not the point. The point is I realised I was selfish. I realised that suicide wasn’t an option. What I mean is this girl I adored I found out she had cancer. All I could think about was how unfair life was. I cried a couple days just thinking about her. I felt helpless. After finding out how se had no control over her life it made me mad. All I can think about was how could people take life like its nothing. When my friends death was already determined. How could they throw there […]
I wanna save people. But I don’t always know how or what to say. I honestly cry when I was writing this. I wanna save you so bad. But I am scared that I can’t. I don’t think I can save everyone. That terrifies me. Why can’t I save everyone. Why does anyone have to die. I realised that I can’t save everyone. It breaks my heart.
Xoxo
Sunshine
She was sitting in her bed looking up at the ceiling blasting her music;
She started crying and she knew exactly why;;
She felt useless and alone;
She was very angry;
All of her love started to turn into hate;;
It was like a switch turning off;;
She didn't care anymore and why should she;;
you just broke her heart without thinking twice;;
Don't try to deny it don't try to fight it;;
You say you love her so much but what you keep doing is the opposite;;
Your words mean nothing;;
Its not what you say but what you do;;
And your just proving your story wrong;;
the girl wondered why she was so imperfect […]
I believe everyone wants a reason. Everyone wants something to believe in. Sometimes it’s not that simple. Sometimes things are more complex. Sometimes there is multiple reasons and sometimes there is no reason. Why does there always have to be a reason. There doesn’t have to be a reason. I believe once you stop looking then you will know. I used to look for a reason for everything. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know now. I realized its not that simple. It’s the most simple complex thing. I know how can it be. It just is. I don’t have a reason […]
Dear amazing,
I love you. I want you to know that I will always be here for you. I won’t be there when it’s just convenient but I will be there always. I will accept you with loving and open arms. I know you arnt perfect and I know that I am not perfect either. I love you for it. I love every little imperfection and absolutely everything about you. I wanna be your biggest fan. I wanna cheer your life on. I wanna be the person you can trust. I wanna be the light at the end of the tunnel. I want you to […]
I guess I should start from the beginning. My name is Sunshine. Well not really, but its an alias. I don’t care if my punctuation is that great either. I have been there. Maybe my life hasn’t been as bad as a lot of people, but I am fighting my own demons. I have always felt like an outsider. I have a list of things wrong with me. I don’t currently take any medication for anything either. I have attempted suicide as well as have cut in the past. I still get very depressed every so often. And I don’t like talking about it because […]