The edge; can’t turn back.

I feel like I am on the edge.
Like I can’t turn back.
Have come so far.
I feel that I am trapped.
I’m scared and alone.
I don’t think I can turn back.
I’m scared to live.
And I’m scared to die.
I feel like such a coward.
Why can’t I just disappear.
I’m just a fuck up.
Why do you even try.
I gave up.
So why do you look at me that way.
With those loving and forgiving eyes.
It would be easier for me if you just hated me.
Like I hate myself.
Why do I try.
It’s not like anyone is going to change.
I try so hard but no one cares.
I’m scared.
Even if I wanted to turn back
I feel like I can’t.
(rant )