sunshinestate90

I had one of those terrible days at work today. My work isn’t usually stressful or anything, but it involves a lot of interacting and talking to others. While a majority of the time, I don’t have to worry too much about the things I say, there are certain people that I talk to where I do have to be careful with my words. This requires that I act accordingly and respond accordingly, and whenever an interaction is over, I always feel extreme anxiety and extreme self-loathing, as if nothing I say is ever perfect. It’s that feeling of a million pins and needles.

In the […]

It’s been two years since I last posted and four years since I first posted. Time flies quickly when you don’t notice it. A lot has happened in the two years since, and yet a lot has stayed the same. This year I am confident that my life is heading in a direction I like.

It only took me until 29 before I gained enough confidence to take calculated risks and fully become the adult I wanted to be at 19. I’m glad I was able to overcome the obstacles that made me join this community in the first place. I no longer think about suicide […]

Reading the news that Jong Hyun took his own life today reminded me of all the times I approached the edge myself. I’ve gone to the Skyway bridge countless times and I’ve stood on the water’s edge in the darkness. During one great moment of despair, I even put my foot in, but then my heart skipped a few beats and in that moment I knew that nothing was worth that much.

I knew that whatever my failures were going to be–disappointing my parents, disappointing my family, disappointing my friends, disappointing society–none of it was worth the darkness of the water that would engulf me. In […]

A breakup with someone you love is always hard. There are a million questions with a million answers. Each question begets countless different answers. But it can’t evade the underlying problem: the need to break it off. I’ve had quite a few relationships up until now. Some that lasted a few days, a few weeks, a few months, a few years. At the time, the longer ones were excruciatingly painful to let go of. But these days, I find myself looking back on them with apathy. They don’t captivate me the same way, no longer addicting or a source of pain. They’re just part of […]