Halcion, you’re my friend.
But Halcion, where have you been?
When I slept with you there was no option to wake.
As if a dreamful slate of life appeared just for the take.
And it was beyond great to never arise.
From a slumber which no words could surmise.
I can do whatever I want in my dreams.
Beyond my wildest fantasies so it seems.
Yet when I dream all day and night to never face reality.
I might as well shut my life down, mark me as another casualty.
But like I’ve always stated, I’m too afraid to jump.
I’ll stand there, slowly emotions […]
Everyone has exes, everyone has little pieces of their heart that belong to other people, and it just becomes a part of who you are.
If I love enough people, will there be no more pieces of my heart that can belong to others?
Is it worth to live without a heart?
I am so lonely.
Why be so rash and impulsive? Because as hard as emotion can be it can also be what drives us to soaring heights and selfless, pure love. What’s the point in acting until the uncertainty and fears are unveiled and reconciled: the choice presents itself with a little time. Patience leads to places and feelings never fathomed possible. Cast off recklessness with a stronger force of commitment and certainty.
Hi everyone, I used to be a frequently posting member of SP even before the site’s new look and new options with the dash (….which really wasn’t all that long ago guess.) I usually found answers and help here whenever it was sought, but it has been awhile since I have come here to say anything of real pertinence. I am back now because I have a real strong conviction and yearning to commit suicide and stop all of this damaged, irreparable ruinage. I know such things get said over and over on SP’ however it is difficult to go through […]
If everybody looked the same, we’d get tired of looking at each other.
I’m pretty bummed out – anyone feel like chatting?
So I color up this railroad-converted walking/recreational bridge probably every other day with chalk. Chalk is kind of a beautiful thing because it’s brilliant and radiant if you put enough effort and creativity into it, but it will never last forever. Now read that sentence above again and replace the “chalk” with the word “life.”
yeah that’s some real shit – I just thought of that as I did a double take xD…. but anyways back to the point.
Chalking brings people together: people want to stop and watch you draw or write, they want to join in with you, they want to make their own creations, […]
Hello everyone. I am back and have noticed a vamped up view of the site. It’s so nice and new and different.
Who else felt like jumping off the bridge today?
Is clevername still around?
VVVVVVV (that IS the sound a vibrating phone makes)
It was 2:30AM when I awoke to the vibrating sounds of my phone. It was Elly. She was hysterical – crying and beyond the definition of upset. She told me to come to the pedestrian bridge immediately. I didn’t ask any questions but I had a bad notion of what was going on. When I arrived to the waterfront I was greeted by an endless crisscrossing of yellow tape, countless flashing lights, police, firetrucks, and an ambulance. There were even police boats stationed on the river. Elly and other friends of ours were talking to the authorities. […]
If you have been on the Suicide Project for awhile, you definitely notice that people are constantly coming and going. Some people are natives and always around. Some people join for a few months then depart from us, whether to live or to die. Some people lurk and may have their account active occasionally to post. And many, many people are just visitors, reading and looking for that certain comment that is just what they needed to read.
I recongniz3 (yeah 3 for e, like a boss) that there are quite a bit of comments and posts that lots of people […]
Living is like cutting a steak with a baseball bat…It is not easy.
“I’m God Mode. Nothing can hurt me. I will always win. Sure, give me a hit, let’s do it. I’m down for anything, I don’t give a FUCK. I will ALWAYS win.”
“Because I got fired, right? Oh, it didn’t work out? Shit, nothing matters. Nothing means anything anyways. What’s the point? Today I’ll be invincible.”
Do you ever feel that way? Like, let’s be reckless and careless because, hey, we know we’re going to be dead in a few days anyways so who cares? Let’s run away, spend all our money, travel the country, and when we’re dead broke after our travels, we […]
I’ve experimented with a lot of substances in my life. Over the course of probably like 7ish years I’ve tried Psychedelics (LSD, 2CE, DMT – my FAVORITE DRUG), Cocaine, Benzodiazepines (Klonopin, Valium, Xanax, Restoril, Ativan), Stimulants (Amphetamines, Adderall, Focalin, Methylphenidate, Vyvanse), marijuana, alcohol, and the best of the best: opiates (OxyContin, heroin, hydrocoone, oxycodone, oxymorphone, hydromorphone, morphine, methadone, suboxone, subutex, etc.) – you get the point. For the most part I’ve been responsible with drug usage. Things never got out of hand and addiction was a foreign concept to me. But when shit hit the fan a few years ago, I lost all […]
I went to the bridge again today. There were blockades and signs up instructing people to not venture up to it because of ice. At least I guess that’s what it said, because naturally I stopped reading as soon as I read the first word and proceeded to go up to the bridge anyways. Close a bridge? What? For my “safety”? o_O I go to this bridge an unhealthy amount of times every week and do the same thing every time. I figure I’ll jump off one of these nights.
This time was particularly nice because for the first hour I was there I was able […]
“Happy New Year. Darvon Cocktails all around.”
The first words I heard this year.
I was reading an old notebook today and stumbled across a short poem. My friend had written it in there over a year ago. It made me think of her and how she departed the world.
Morphine, you flooded my brain
a temporary relief from mental pain.
I took you doses so stupid high
in the hopes I would never again open my eyes.
Unfortunately hours later I awake
in horror my death was but a fake.
The obvious next step would to seem
to double my dose of Morphine.
I went to a pagoda in a nearby forest a few days ago. In the pagoda there are lots of engravings, taggings, carvings, and sharpie writing. Amongst all the carved/sharpied initials in hearts with the obligatory “___ & ___ together forever” thing, there is a place where people write longer messages. It is kind of like one giant, public diary. One sharpie writing felt relatable…..
If I really cared about somebody or loved somebody who didn’t reciprocate the same feeling I should still be content with the sole knowledge of that person’s happiness in life, regardless of my wants or […]
Perhaps the following is common knowledge to many. Perhaps some of us will read and think “of course” or “that goes without saying.” But maybe it is completely different to others of us and is definitely not in the realm of how we operate. Where would you stand?
I don’t really find much to positively say about the things we’re experiencing that bring us to the thoughts of suicide. I know I and many others would rather seek to live a life of meaningful substance. But for whatever reason or another, through our histories or our trauma, we may not all be at the point at […]
Sunday night I took a walk along a bridge that I like to call Bridge Four in the city of Louisville, which I unfortunately live in. It was dark, cold, snowy, icy, and windy. I was talking along and spotted a kid up along the rail of this bridge: he was peering out into the distance, just watching the dark water below as the currents passed. As I approached closer, thinking that I would just walk by, he spotted me and asked me if I had a cigarette. Now I don’t usually smoke but once a week at the most, but as it would be […]