The sun that used to shine for me,
Dimming ever so slowly,
Hides behind a cloud,
And slowly the sky begins to cry.
Teardrops gently kiss the petal,
Of a lily,
The flower of death,
Then slowly begins to break it apart.
I found this…just on the sidewalk. I don’t believe in coincedences or anything but it ‘spoke’ to me…
Move on.
It’s just a chapter in the past.
But don’t close the book.
Just turn the page.
There are times when I lose hope. When everything seems to be falling apart and I’m getting hit left and right. There are times when I want to give up and let the darkness swallow me. But then I think…what good will it do? I’ve been to that dark place…the place where god no longer exsists and not even your family and friends can save you. In that place you search and search for that one thing that will save you. Yourself. But it’s hard…it’s hard to figure out something that could be so easy to know. Yet it’s gone. And you struggle and struggle […]
I remember the day everyone found out how pathetic I was. It was 6th grade and I was so mad at my best friend. Why I was doesn’t quite matter right now.Back then (and still) I was a poetry freak. So I wrote a hate poem about her and gave it to her.And I did the most stupidest thing any human being could do. I put my number in the end. Later that week I was called into the counselors office. They found it, the note. Apparently it fell out and one of the math teachers found it, called the number and eventually found out […]
For a while now I’ve been considering deleting this account.For me I don’t see what this site has done. If anything my depression is worse. Maybe it’s just me. I’m not sure.
In all of my posts I feel…uncollected? Like it’s all bundled together and just doesn’t make sense anymore. But when I write it, it makes perfect sense to me. Is it because my thoughts are that way? Am I crazy? I don’t know. Nothing seems to make much sense anymore.
Everything in my eyes seems to be a blur. And everyone’s just walking by, enjoying things. Things I don’t see, don’t have, don’t feel. I’ve […]
I don’t believe in heaven or whatever it holds. Honestly, I only believe in hell. Although I don’t see how the devil or whatever else is suppost to be in there is real. Whoever made this shit up was high or trunk. Who the hell makes up crazy shit like that? Heaven is just the same. Besides, how do we know heaven is in the sky and hell is under the ground? There’s no proof of that so why should I believe in god and his shit? I have proof for hell though. Because, honestly, I’m living in it.
Right now all I want is someone to talk too…but there’s no one here to listen and no one I know to care.
I know life isn’t perfect but it isn’t all bad either. I’ve decided not to commit suicide. I have so much to live for and so much to see. Sure, I’ll still post here for awhile because I do have things that go wrong in my life. Don’t we all? Anyway, I don’t know how I started to feel this way or why. But I just do. I still don’t believe in god so he isn’t ‘speaking’ to me and shit. I’ve failed from commiting suicide 3 times so I know I’m not ready to die yet. When I’m 40 or so and I’ve seen most […]
In my 12 years of life I have never seen such an vulger scene as I have now. I cannot get the image of her trying to get him off. I didn’t care that he was trying to hurt me, I just cared that he hurt her. Without even a second thought he hurt her. It may have not been bad because he merely slapped her. But the look on her face will forever scar me. He was to strong to fight off so I let him hit me. It didn’t hurt the few times he hit me. I didn’t care that he was hurting […]
I cant take it! I’m going to kill him. I swear to god I’m going to decapitate his stupid fucked up face from his body and stab it untill you can’t even tell what the hell it was. He’s an animal and he deserves to be where he belongs. I don’t give a shit if I go to juvi, prision, or get the death sentence. That person needs to know he doesn’t get to go around being an ass. I lost control and I don’t care. I’m not going back untill it kills me.
I’m broken. I’m no longer in the procces of breaking or falling. I’ve fallen.
I can’t take this shit anymore! I just can’t take it. Life is so fucking stupid, including the people in it. Well mine that is. My moms boyfriend can rot in hell and I’ll laugh at his screams. He deserves it. Heh…maybe I do too. Who knows? Who cares? I have so many questions and no one will answer them. No one will even bother to listen to me. There’s a reason I’ve kept to myself for so long. Because no one would give a fuck about what I needed to say. So, hey, it’s what they get. I won’t talk. They don’t need me […]
I can’t feel myself anymore.
My body is shaking and I’m freezing.
 I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t care.
I can barely type.
I don’t care what happens right now.
I could see the world end and laugh.
I feel so high,
My body is numb and my head is spinning,
The world is light and fun,
I can barely see now.
I’ve lost all control of my body.
And I love it.
I’ve given up. I can’t control myself or anything I do. There’s a monster inside me that I’m afraid is ready to come out. Maybe that’s a reason I’ve been feeling completly dead. I’m afraid…I’ll admit it now, before it’s too late. I’m afraid that the monster inside me will overtake me and I won’t be able to control him. He’ll kill everyone. I’ve been holding him off for so long… I won’t allow myself to go close to anyone. I fear I’ll hurt them, physically or mentally. I don’t want to hurt them…but I feel like the monster will take over again. I’ve seen what […]
Have you ever had that ‘out-of-body’ expierence? For a while I’ve felt like that. It’s almost as if I’m really dying. Lately, I’ve been feeling so numb. My birthday passed and it was just like another day. It felt wrong, going around telling everyone it was my birthday. As if I were lying… Then a few other holidays flew by and I simply forgot about them. I got my lip peirced and I didn’t even feel the needle. Much more went by and I just feel like my life is falling and I just can’t catch it. I can’t think straight, let alone write this. I feel […]
Outside I smile,
Inside I die,
I can’t forgive,
I can’t forget,
The things you did,
The things you said,
Remember I said I loved you?
Remember the moments we had?
 I see the love you both had,
I see the pain I caused you,
I’m sorry for the things I said,
I’m sorry for the pain I gave,
As I sit here,
Locked inside my head,
I watch you…
And slowly…
Fade away…
 Life can be ended so easly. Easier then what we have to go through in life. I don’t understand why we have to go through so much in this life…just to die. What’s waiting for us in the end? Do we get a prize? No. I know the way I’m going…and I choose the way I do it. Goodbye, now.
I can feel myself wasting away. The pain that sits inside me is eating me whole. It has been months since I have cried. My body feels to numb to have the energy to let tears flow down my cheeks.
I dream of the day I’ll get the courage to slit my wrists. The day I can finally look at myself in the mirror and believe myself when I say it’s going to be alright. The day I can lay down and rest forever. The day I can finally have some peace to myself. I’ll leave several notes for each person I’d like to remind I love. Then […]
I feel useless in this big world. Like an ant next to a 50 story building. My body feels so hollow. My mind is to hectic to keep up with. I thought posting on this site would help but all it did was force me to face the truth. That I truly have no place to go. I don’t belong here or anywhere. I feel like I’m intruding in a family…Â
Sometimes I’ll write things to post on here and just delete them. People don’t care what I have to say, so why should I waste their time and space? Most of the time I think […]
About a few months ago my mom and her boyfriend, let’s call him Mike, went out. It’s usually my mom who gets drunk but that night it was only Mike. When he got home he was being loud and cussing. It was surprizing seeing as he is a Christian and quiet. I had only stayed up, waiting for them, to make sure they were okay and if they had brought food. They didn’t so I decided to go to bed. Since we had been cleaning all that day, my bed was full of crap. I jokingly said I was going to go sleep in their […]
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