I went out, was invited got buzzed felt crappy, i hated being there, i hated myself, everyone there knew how messed up i was. I was there for hours. They offered for me to stay sleep over.. But i just wanted home. So i walked in the cold and went home. I wanted to stay but I didnt. Maybe I’ll stay next time.
I too was rejected and friendzoned for most my life.. I know those feelings and im a stick no muscle. I think im confident. Maybe im not.. But internet sites makes meeting and dating easier. Even for ppl like you and I. I believe in the words “just keep trying”. I always been told someone will come along.. Or you’ll meet someone blah blah. It totally affect my thoughts and feelings towards how i looked at myself and how i thought others viewed me.. Im in my 30’s single, living with parents and unemployed. Im only going to hope that you keep trying even when […]
I started getting involved in things I do love. I hung out with family today, even though I didnt want to. I tried being nice, also I didn’t want to. I’m applying to jobs, reading and talking about the walking dead books and show.. And doing things I love. I watched tv. Again. I like the show fargo. About to watch homeland. And I’m figuratively and literally putting one foot in front of the other.. Even though it hurts. I’m always going to try bettering myself.. I hate that it took 8 months to cope and maybe more.. But I’m trying and it does feel […]
To read all my walking dead novels, I got a couple for xmas.
Look for and succeed in finding a data entry or typing job.
To keep learning all that I can from free Careerlink classes. So I can excel in the job I want.
Change my attitude because I don’t want to keep feeling sorry for myself.
I want to help others if I can.
Move on and Maybe meet someone!
I want to travel to other states.
I want to see my fav band again August Burns Red. Well I left early and missed them in November.
Spend more time with my family, especially since I skipped xmas and missed them.
And […]
I want to cry but cant or even move. Fireworks will go off again soon. I did this to myself. I dated, i was weak, and i suffered and still am. Im not going to just meet someone thats just going to fall in place. Anytime soon even if we need it. Every partner i had, left. This one.. Im ready to go now.. And if i miss im just going to rip it out in agony and do it again. Well thata how i feel
I think I can move on. Like everyone says. I wrote and explained and tried… And I know she’s over me. Theres nothing to save. I tried.. Apologized. She said she isn’t sitting in her place sad thinking about how I lied. She’s not mad or upset. She good and doing fine. She asked since i know this too why I torture myself. I said I deserved it. I feel I do. Where i thought we had something she replied we were in two very different relationships. She don’t care. Thats all i cared about. But it doesnt matter. Makes me not want to see […]
I’ve been considering dying for awhile now like 8 months. Since I got let go by a girl that made it seem like it would work. I’m still hung up on it, i was told I did nothing wrong blah blah. But I never stopped believing or even, I never had let go of it. For months of self sabotage and begging and pleading respectfully. I got nothing but a “I don’t care, it was nothing” to her. Although everything to me. I self sabotaged, cried and sought out everything. Really the ppl of sp is all that ever helped. But I lived with it […]
All I want is some peace of mind. And I can’t even do it. Im scared of killing myself. Id probably mess it up if i did try! Life hurts every waking moment. Im stuck, I’m forever hurting, crying, dying to live!
I’ve been putting it off the suicidal thoughts or attempts. I just wake up and live everyday. Hoping, waiting.. For what I know will never come. I relive every possible discussion, decision or thoughts or reasons that I had in my mind that led me to this point. Hope and support that ppl of sp bring. I just live and don’t like it. I try and forget, but I don’t. The memories are trapped inside me of a life with someone that will never happen again. I try and do what support suggests, ask myself if theres any hope. And I know there isnt. Doesnt […]
I wake up everyday still with thoughts, regrets and choices ive made n just have to keep breathing n moving. I have no motivation to do anything, i feel i deserve to feel this way. Like i shouldnt have dared to try and live a good life. Im numb to everything, stuck sulking in my mind. But day by day i keep waking up, empty, half alive. Praying for it to be over. I want this. I cant believe i want this
Sometimes I think about posts or comments I write and really hope I’m not hurtful to anyone.. But I also wonder too if some of my comments are even relevant. after read I wrote.
All day long I wanted to write.. I had the words, thought of sentences, how i go about wording and writing. But now I got nothing that I did want to write earlier.
I leveled out some.. I do live with regret and memories. And I was really hard on myself.. I don’t know why it took so long. Maybe I just didn’t want to let go of the best thing that ever happened to me. I dont want to still… But, I thank you all!! On here for your help and support. I think of her less, I still feel sorry for myself. But everyone on here and out in the world was right. I’m thankful and sad.
Thought I was feeling better and maybe I am. But think its time to start coming up with a plan. Because I don’t want another or anything else for that matter in my life anymore. I still feel empty and sad, but I do things. I’m not in bed anymore. I try to move on and see other people, but don’t want to anymore. I fell in love with that girl and thought it was real between the both of us, but it was just me. I relized I fooled myself again or whatever. But also feel ready to go. Lived the best I could […]
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