about a week back i was so stressed and bugged out i couldnt remember my password for shit and i needed to vent bad. i couldnt though bcuz of a fuckm password. all this resulted in was me getting more and more worked up. i tried resetting by going through the steps but every second felt as though an entire life went by and i couldnt get the thought of making my life actually end. i didnt want to be here anymore. instead of coming here i went online to look at different ways to commit suicide and watch videos of others committing the act. […]
here i am again awake, but not alive. tired, but not asleep. a waisted life i never wanted. im dead inside, so why do i bother to live on the outside
I dont know if im more sick of being depressed or the lies. i’m constantly telling friends and family i’m busy this week, but ill call you. Im hanging out with this person or that, but im actually locking myself away in a dark room depressed and not knowing why. why do i lie, why do i feel this bad. my life is not that bad. i read some peoples notes hear and i think i dont even belong here. i dont know where i belong and im so sick of trying to figure it out. im really sick though of the lies i tell. […]
i have always been depressed, always have had more bad days than good. for a long time i though if i could change something, just get away. things would be better elsewhere. ive now been to 9 states and 5 countries and can never escape the sadness. the only thing stopping me from ending it now is the love of friends and family. now i feel i must run away, not to feel better but to  get far enough away where i can be free enough to do what i need to be truly happy. to die