At first, I had it all planned out. My mom was going out and I had like 3 full bottles of medication on hand. She never checks up on me, so I felt like I was in the clear. She came home early though, and my biggest regret was not locking the door. I remember waking up in a hospital, and having my mom by my side. Of course, they wouldn’t send me home, and sent me to a mental ward.
Now let me tell you, mental hospitals aren’t like they are in the movies. But….they’re pretty freaking […]
A friend of mine committed suicide a couple months ago. To be honest, I knew the signs. When I heard about it, I can’t say that I was all that surprised. We weren’t close, but it really affected those around me. My best friend couldn’t keep back from sobbing in the middle of class, and it just got me thinking if she would be acting the same if it were me? I’ve already attempted several times (though I never had a gun to make it super easy) and failed. If I had succeeded would all these people act the same?
I find it ironic that all […]
I wish things could have turned out different. That’s been something I’ve been saying a lot. It’s just that…recently I’ve been pretty emotionally numb. I feel as though I don’t have a heart. Not in a ‘vain teenager hate the whole world’ kinda way, I just can’t seem to empathize the way everyone else seems to. I feel unintentionally cruel. To make matters worse, my nightmares started coming back.
I don’t know if I want to make another attempt yet, or keep waiting.
I’m not too bright. Maybe because I’m blonde. A complete understatement. For me, anyways. I’m clumsy. Not really that good looking either. To me, anyways. Most of all, bad luck seems to follow me everywhere. Definition of ‘accident prone.’ Some times it feels like the big guy in the sky has it out for me. But seeing as I’m still alive, he must not want me that much. Maybe he just likes to watch me suffer.
So far, I had to go to the mental hospital three times. All together I have 16 scars, and that’s only on my right arm. A […]
It’s stupid to think that nobody would miss you if you died. Incredibly so, because someone is bound to notice and miss your presence. Your friends, family, pets, that guy you sit next to at work or class. That’s never been the issue for me, I guess.
Ive been doing so good. I thought that maybe it wasn’t so bad anymore. I didn’t want to die, I wanted to move on. Relapse really sucks. I wish…I wish that I had a better time with those therapists. I wish my psychiatrist actually helped me, I wish the pills worked but they didn’t. What […]
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