Everything is catching up tp me today. I’ve realized how shitty i’ve been to people and i don’t know if that’s because i’m just n asshole or if i’m so empty inside that i just can’t see what’s right in front of me. I want to kill myself but I don’t think i have the guts to. I’m thinking about cutting though. I last cut about 6-7 months ago. I just can’t do this anymore. I need some sort of release.
When I was younger I attempted suicide many times, I obviously failed. But when I got better I read that people who try are more likely to try again and be more successful and I used to cry cause I was so scared I would try again and die. At the time I didn’t want to die and I was scared to return to how i used to be. But now I’m in this place where I’m not going to commit suicide but if somehing were to happen to me I don’t know if I would stop it or if I would try and help […]
My life is a mess riht now. So about a month ago i broke up with my boyfriend that I was with for a year and a half. I finally realized how mean he was. He never put much interest into me and he never wanted to help me. For example, I felt it was neccessary to tell him about the time I was raped as a child because I was having a lot of nightmares about it and I was shutting down from it. But, when I told him he got mad at me. He said why would I think that he was equipted […]
I’m starting to remember something from my past. It’s weird i can be having a regular conversation with someone and they say a word and i get a flash back of something. I’ve never told anyone the full story of what happened. That might be because i don’t even know the full story myself. I guess I’ve never told anyone about it is because i don’t know what their response will be. Will they have nothing to say at all or say something like “wow”, “i can’t believe that “, “im sorry”, or “are you okay?” I don’t know how to respond to any of […]
So a lot has happened since i last posted. My relationship has gotten a lot better. He’s a lot more understanding but, I still hide stuff, nothing bad…well kinda bad. I hide how bad my anxiety is but i do that with everyone not just him. But he doesn’t know that I’ve tried to commit suicide or that I’ve cut, and relapsed 2 weeks ago but haven’t since. He also doesn’t know how often i get anxiety attacks. He recently saw a small one but i labeled it as an asthma attack, which i get often. I got an anxiety attack because me and my […]
So me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 6 months. He was over at my house on Thursday and we were fine, we watched movies, fooled around, we were just in each others company and loving it. Until we got in a small fight. He told me he says nothing he does is good enough and i tried to explain to him how much he means to me and i love everything he does for me. Then we made up and we were fine. Until he saw messages between me and an old friend and she was just asking questions about our relationship […]
I don’t understand what love is…
I understand when other people are in love and I thought I’ve been in love before but I don’t think it was real. The first person I ever told “I love you” to cheated on me with our best friend. Then the next person I said it to, when we were breaking up he said “I don’t think I ever actually loved you”. Then the next person fell in love with her best friend and left me because she actually loved her.
I don’t understand what I could be doing wrong for no one to just actually love me. In my […]