Author

v.c.333

I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, impulse control disorder. Pick one, I never stay with a therapist long enough to get an accurate disorder. I do have a rhuematologist though for fibromyalgia. I have chronic pain and have been diagnosed with almost all that falls under the umbrella of fibromyagia. I never wanted to live, now I want to live even less. I live for my husband and my daughter and I am not sure if that will be enough to live forever. Maybe my illnesses will kill me soon. One can hope. If I were to do it, though, I would drive to the ocean and swim out and keep swimming. Never come back.

Hope

by v.c.333 10/2/2015

written by v.c.333

http://www.truthortradition.com/articles/the-dead-are-dead-until-the-rapture-or-resurrection#comment-174685

10/2/2015 0 comment

my daughter and i

by v.c.333 9/26/2015

written by v.c.333

so my daughter also has depression, maybe other things, but she is only 13 and really just started her journey. i feel like i have no room to breathe. no room for me. i know it sounds selfish, but i have struggled since 8 or 9 as she has.i have threats and attempts of suicide in my life. she posts all this stuff on facebook, everybody calls me. what am i doing?…do more…do this…what about this. i have had to put all my treatment for my depression and fibromyalgia and neuropathy on hold because i am disabled and don’t work. all gas in car, […]

9/26/2015 10 comments

crying tonight

by v.c.333 9/25/2015

written by v.c.333

just posted my happy, hopeful goodbye letter this morning. i knew it wouldn’t be so easy. to be positive and live happy, that is. already crying, hopeless. sucks. good night

9/25/2015 3 comments

She says she’s tired of life

by v.c.333 9/25/2015

written by v.c.333

9/25/2015 2 comments

I think I am done here for awhile

by v.c.333 9/25/2015

written by v.c.333

Thank you all so much. Even if we never commented towards each other, I have read all. I will make it. I have made it 30 years of depressed, I can make it a little longer for my family. I am chronically ill and will probably only make it another 20-30 years. I don’t want to come repeat life because I didn’t learn my lessons the first time. Or end up in some purgatory with guides and counselors. (i have been reading NDEs). Even if I just wink out, it is not fair to my daughter, she did not ask to be here either (as […]

9/25/2015 4 comments

trying to keep up the fight

by v.c.333 9/24/2015

written by v.c.333

https://youtu.be/JGOY2ZHIRks

9/24/2015 2 comments

Maybe a step toward betterness

by v.c.333 9/18/2015

written by v.c.333

I know that isn’t really a word. My daughter struggles with depression, scratching (not really deep cuts) and suicidal thoughts. I do, too. I have told her that before that I know where she is coming from. I even told her that I had thoughts of wanting to die. In typical 13 year old fashion, she must have never really heard me. We don’t like her psychiatrist, so yesterday I told her that I was going to start therapy and seeing a psychiatrist again because my thoughts of wanting to die were increasing. She started crying and was depressed the whole day stating she never […]

9/18/2015 3 comments

Goodnight..and what a night it has been

by v.c.333 9/15/2015

written by v.c.333

I just stumbled across the site two days ago. Decided to start posting today. I have to say it helps. Trying to help others feel better makes me feel better, for now. I guess it is why I have a degree in Psychology. That I don’t use anymore because of chronic illness. Oh well, none about that. I am going to try to go to sleep with thoughts of sunshine and light. lol Thank y’all.

9/15/2015 2 comments

There Is No Light

by v.c.333 9/15/2015

written by v.c.333

I have been passively suicidal all my life. I know, some say there is no way, but I remember wanting to die at 7. I was not abused overly much. My dad a little to harsh with corporal punishment. My mom never said I was stupid, but she always gave me a look or used a tone that said I was stupid. I guess she had no patience. idk. I was always depressed. Borderline personality I was told once, but never stuck with therapy. I have had more jobs and sexual encounters than I can remember. I just can’t stick with anything. Then get all […]

9/15/2015 15 comments