so my daughter also has depression, maybe other things, but she is only 13 and really just started her journey. i feel like i have no room to breathe. no room for me. i know it sounds selfish, but i have struggled since 8 or 9 as she has.i have threats and attempts of suicide in my life. she posts all this stuff on facebook, everybody calls me. what am i doing?…do more…do this…what about this. i have had to put all my treatment for my depression and fibromyalgia and neuropathy on hold because i am disabled and don’t work. all gas in car, extra money goes to her treatment, her help. I know that is my job as a mom, but i am just so hopeless and down. And it is never enough, no matter what i do, say, get, give…it is never enough for her…she will break open a pencil sharpener and try to cut over the one thing she didn’t get instead of being thankful; for the 4 things she did get. tired
just posted my happy, hopeful goodbye letter this morning. i knew it wouldn’t be so easy. to be positive and live happy, that is. already crying, hopeless. sucks. good night
Thank you all so much. Even if we never commented towards each other, I have read all. I will make it. I have made it 30 years of depressed, I can make it a little longer for my family. I am chronically ill and will probably only make it another 20-30 years. I don’t want to come repeat life because I didn’t learn my lessons the first time. Or end up in some purgatory with guides and counselors. (i have been reading NDEs). Even if I just wink out, it is not fair to my daughter, she did not ask to be here either (as far as I know, who knows, we may choose life). I can not leave her or my husband or my mom or my grandmother. I can stay here for now and hopefully until I can go by a way other than my own hand. I will try positive affirmations again. They seemed to help. My problem is not being able to stick with anything. The gloom and sadness eventually takes over again, but I must try to go on. I feel I must. I wish the best for all of you. Thank you for being here. I may still pop in from time to time.
I know that isn’t really a word. My daughter struggles with depression, scratching (not really deep cuts) and suicidal thoughts. I do, too. I have told her that before that I know where she is coming from. I even told her that I had thoughts of wanting to die. In typical 13 year old fashion, she must have never really heard me. We don’t like her psychiatrist, so yesterday I told her that I was going to start therapy and seeing a psychiatrist again because my thoughts of wanting to die were increasing. She started crying and was depressed the whole day stating she never knew I felt like that. I said I had told her before and that I would never leave her. I just have thoughts like she says she does. I asked her if she thought I wasn’t upset when she told me how she felt. If she thought she can just go around telling people that and they just are like “ok” and go on as before. i think she never really thought about it. But anyways, I called and am getting an appointment with a new psych and therapist. Also, I am going for some more testing for my health issues next week. My rheumatologist’s staff is not the best, but I live in a small city and don’t have many options. I have been waiting for a referral for almost 2 months. Finally the doc office that is supposed to be getting the referral called themselves and got it. So, happy. Maybe thinks will be looking up soon.
I just stumbled across the site two days ago. Decided to start posting today. I have to say it helps. Trying to help others feel better makes me feel better, for now. I guess it is why I have a degree in Psychology. That I don’t use anymore because of chronic illness. Oh well, none about that. I am going to try to go to sleep with thoughts of sunshine and light. lol Thank y’all.
I have been passively suicidal all my life. I know, some say there is no way, but I remember wanting to die at 7. I was not abused overly much. My dad a little to harsh with corporal punishment. My mom never said I was stupid, but she always gave me a look or used a tone that said I was stupid. I guess she had no patience. idk. I was always depressed. Borderline personality I was told once, but never stuck with therapy. I have had more jobs and sexual encounters than I can remember. I just can’t stick with anything. Then get all excited about changing my life and pick the wrong people and things. Alcohol and drug abuse since 16. I am 38 now. I have a wonderful husband and beautiful daughter, she is 13, and I still want to die. I have been actively suicidal a few times. Tried once. Took 38 sleeping pills, but I guess I kinda knew someone would find me. I have this day dream where I drive to the ocean and swim out and just keep swimming, but I would never leave my daughter and husband. It would crush them. I have neuropathy and fibromyalgia. Possibly lupus. The last two weeks my chest has been sore, especially when I wake up. I get light headed and kind of nauseous when I stand. Now today, I have tingling and a lightness in my extremities, too, when I stand. Weak feeling. I am on a lot of meds. Maybe side effects. I am fighting to keep from going to ER. This could be my chance…..my chance to die.