I always seem to find my way back here. It’s been almost a year. These days, the bad days have slowly become more frequent, the notion of just not being here has slowly become more appealing to me. So I’m back to share my thoughts, and seek comfort from those who understand the pain that no one else seems to be able to comprehend. I know I can make it through the small blips, I’ve done it multiple times before. It’s the storm that I’m afraid of. When the bad days outnumber the good, and getting out of bed becomes something I have to do, […]
I was reading an old poem my sister had written about our childhood growing up in my church. It was in this poem that I realized how much I missed the simplicity of childhood. Before I made what I thought would be a lifelong friend, and then had to say goodbye. Before I got my heart broken by someone I thought I loved. Before I felt obligated to say yes, even if I wanted to say no. Before I said no, and was not taken seriously. Before I moved 2 hours away from my best friends for college. Before I used alcohol to drown my […]
So, I have been on here multiple times before. I started this account when I was 14, I think. What most of my friends in my real life don’t know about me is my struggle with myself. Sometimes it’s hard to explain to people that you hate yourself, physically and mentally. If they aren’t going through the same struggle that you are, it’s hard for them to understand why or how someone would feel this way. So, this is my only real outlet. Sometimes just looking at the comments of other people trying to lift me up makes it easier to get through the day […]
I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression when I was 11 years old. Yes, 11. When I look back on my life, I realize that at that point, I didn’t have the same adolescent years as everyone else. I wasn’t a carefree kid anymore, I was an adult in a child’s body. When my first panic attack happened, I thought I was dying, that this was the end. In 6th grade, I lost over 20 lbs. I started at 90 lbs, and was nearly skin and bones by the time I figured out how to cope with what was happening to me. I was […]
Hi. I feel like I can’t breath, like my world is caving in around me. I don’t want to get out of bed, but I have so much work to do. I don’t want to eat, but I know I should. I feel fat and lonely. I feel like I can’t do anything right. I just want to curl up in a ball and never get back up. Sometimes I want to die, sometimes I want to live, if only to experience what life has to throw at me. Sometimes I want to know what I could become later in life. Sometimes I don’t want […]
To all those who are struggling, I have been in the same shoes. I live through the pain every day, and I know that it seems like it can never get better. I can tell you about my experience, my attempt at suicide, the multiple suicide notes I have hidden in my room, the times I have come to this website to find solace, but unless you believe in yourself, there’s not much I can do. So you have to remember, that even in your darkest hours, there are people out there who care about you. There is someone who will miss you if you […]
I’m back. It’s been a while, a long time actually. I’m in college now, and I love it. It’s the most stress inducing experience ever, but the people here make it worth it. I was doing so good, but depression never really goes away, does it? I just don’t have the energy to do anything anymore. Getting out of bed is a daily struggle, eating makes me nauseous, and I cry over the most mundane tasks. I feel like I’m drowning, and I know all I have to do is swim up, but something is holding me down. I’m being pulled back into a tug […]
Three years ago, I started this account. Three years ago, I posted my first rant. Today, I’m back. It’s my last day of school. I should be happy, right? Wrong. My friends are all doing something without me, the one person I have always loved isn’t talking to me right now, and my parents don’t care enough to come make sure I’m ok. I’m lost. Somehow, I thought since I had made real friends who loved me that I would be happy. I’m just more depressed than I have been in a long time. Somehow, I thought cutting ties with my best friend would make […]
So, this is me.
I have been off this site, and away from the pain for almost a year. And then I met a new person. Someone who tried so hard to make me realize I was okay, yet somehow did the exact opposite. I relapsed back into this hole again, and I’ve hit a worse point than I was a year ago, when my life started being a little better than it has been for years. This site helped me realize that maybe I was worth the fight, so I’m back to try and find that feeling again. I was strong, I thought I could […]
I’m tired of pretending that nothing is wrong with me. I’m tired of hiding my depression from my friends and family. I’m tired of feeling alone. I just want to escape the path I’m on. I saw a boy in my grade succumb to death, and I didn’t even shed a tear, yet I really want to be with him right now. I’m tired of being the perfect girl, and pretending it doesn’t effect me when someone calls me a skank, cause I’m not. I’ve never even kissed anyone. I’m tired of being the pathetic one that my best friend has to console. I’m tired […]
I’m back. Living, and back. I thought by now I would have atleast tried to kill myself. To rid myself of the tortures of life and anxiety and depression. It’s haunts me everyday, and I don’t know how to fix myself, because I’m broken. I’m not happy, I don’t have dreams, I can’t live a normal life. I put on a fake smile at school, and pretend like I’m happy. I try to talk to new people, I try to get them to like me. But I will never be accepted. I’m weak, and broken.
I live in my room, and play the violin to keep […]
I have been struggling with anxiety for around five years now, and I thought I was getting better. And then Thursday rolled around. I took the ACT this weekend, and I was studying for it. It really didn’t seem that bad, until my heart started racing. My head started to hurt, my knees buckled, I started to cry. The normal panic symptoms. The worst part: I was home alone. You think a panic attack is bad. Going through it without anyone there makes you feel so alone and desperate. I hadn’t thought about suicide in two months, and all the sudden, all the thoughts came […]
Why are boys so stupid? For all the guys reading this, I would love for you to explain it to me. I have possibly fallen head over heels for someone, and they have no clue. They don’t even like to talk to me. Maybe I’m the stupid one. Eh, it’s probably him. Anyone, if anyone has an idea why they are so dangerously stupid, I would so like to hear it. Thanks for your totally not suicidal related help. Sorry for this post, it will probably be deleted in a little while.
Ah, the beginning of the school year. Makes you want to tear up a little, doesn’t it? I mean, anxiety attacks are no stranger to me, so tearing up comes naturally. But hearing that first bell in the hallowed halls of Woodford High School made me cringe in my Vera Bradley backpack. Don’t get me wrong, getting to see the little freshman cower in fear was SSOO much fun, but seeing all the couples and relationships makes me want to smack my head on a wall. It’s fine though. The first day isn’t always as horrible as people make it out to be. I mean, […]
What I want to do before I die is simple, I want to be a teenager. I want to go to a party, or ditch class. These things though, are more specific:
1. Have my first kiss
2. Go to prom
3. Lose my virginity
4. Break all ties with my friends
5. Go on a date
6. Go to Europe
7. Take one last trip to florida
8. Get accepted into a good college
9. Eat a twinkie
10. Tell my best friend I love him
11. Get drunk
12. Take as many pills as possible
13. Die
This is a shortened version, obviously. But, what’s your bucket list??
It seems like everyone has a good reason to commit suicide. Cyberbullying, bullying, leaked photos, bad home life, no friends, and the list goes on and on. I have none of those. I’m just a normal teenager, with a nack for getting into trouble, a soft spot for people in need, and a family that I could never just abandon. Yet I desperately want to. But I cant. Do you know how much a little oblong shaped solution to my problem costs? Way more than a 15 year old who babysits can afford.
Anyway, I’m getting off topic. My reason is simple. I wasn’t made for […]
So, I watching pretty little liars with my sister right now, I have to be quick. If there are typos im sorry. So, I have been taking sertraline(Zoloft) for the last year, and I just forgot to take it the last week. I haven’t thought about suicide at all, and I looked it up to see if the medication had any effect. I couldn’t get a clear answer, so I’m asking now If Zoloft could have any effect on me. Thanks.
I don’t know how or why I even decided I wanted to commit suicide. I have an amazing and loving family, a group of beautiful friends, and amazing health. Yet, despite all this, I have decided that suicide is the right way to turn. Yeah, I’ve had problems with anxiety for the past 5 years, and I lost my best friend to his slut girlfriend, but this shouldn’t be my only option.