I don’t want to die. But I feel it creeping on me. My hands, they are shakey. And my mind is fogged. My wrists feel like a road map.
Someone, please.
I slept all through yesterday.
I laid in my apartment, doing nothing as usual.
It was 8:50, and I had just woken up.
I checked my phone for messages, emails. Maybe a facebook message?
It was a response to this:
Dear Isaiah,
The years I spent with you were the happiest of my life. Now without that, I’m nothing but a hollow cast of myself. I can’t really come to face my problems anymore. I’ve tried making amends with you because I desperately wanted you back. I would have done anything but I know it will never work. I’m here to say goodbye and, live or die, you’ll always be the […]
I left my apartment a few minutes ago.
I took my dog to the park.
I bought 7 cartons of cigarettes.
I bought a shitton of food.
I don’t think I’ll leave again any time soon….
Mornings are the hardest.
I wake up and all of my thoughts hit me at once.
This is all in my head, right?
My arms and my legs are completely seperated by my will, my want, to move foreward.
Move foreward? Right. Move foreward….. Right??
The room matches my mind, and I used to break this. All of it.
The light is now on. The room is completely lit up. But for some reason, I still can not see. Not even through my lids.
Do I still even want to be? Be here? I don’t want to be here.
What? Why?
With a matter of 7 hours of sleep, I’m numb. Not loved.
Wait… I’m […]
How can I get him back?
We dated for 2 years.
I was dealing with my unmedicated bipolar disorder, so I was rather moody.
Around out 2 year, 5 month mark, I got a message from his best friend ( also my best friend at the time.) and he told me Isaiah was going to ignore me until I broke up with him or completely stopped talking to him.
I broke up with him. It was the hardest thing I had ever done.
I was at my friend Ashley’s house.
We went to a party. Ashley and Isaiah’s best friend were there.
I got blackout drunk that night and ended up […]
I went to bed last night with a date.
February 6th.
But I woke up this morning. And I felt awful.
My head ached and the first thing I did was regurgitate my meal from yesterday morning
I think if I work hard to get my things together today, I might leave tonight.
I will kill myself.
I just need a letter.
I’m a waste of space. A stain on society.I’m marked with my past. All over.With ink, scars. My skin is like a road map.
I have no friends. No family.
My only loving sibling is gone. Deceased for over 3 years, now. My older sister resents me. My younger sister hardly knows me.
I’m never even around.
I don’t deserve to be around.
I know I won’t be missed.
No one will ever be upset.
That’s just the way it is, I suppose.
I’m hated, anyway. Why stay in a place where you’re stuck? Where you’re hated.
Where you’re nothing but a waste?
I imagine other people […]
My name is Abbigaile Alexandria Mareeh Knight. This is my story.
Some parts have been editied out due to length and time.
I was born during the blizzard of 1993 in Raleigh, North Carolina. I’m the middle of four children, three remaining. I don’t remember much from my childhood other than battling a disease that required me to stay away from playing and doing normal things that children do, The only “sport” was able to do was ballet.I resented it, as well as the pageants that my mother forced me to do. I was living in the small town of Dublin, North Carolina. I met several close, […]