It’s been a year and I was better. I’m happy with the person I’m with.. Sooo happy… But my “mom” has now physically abused me multiple times. She is like an infected wound that just won’t heal, and won’t get better, only worse. I feel like smoking weed and drinking till I pass out, and I’ve never smoked, drunk, anything… Just goes to show that just because you’re blood related doesn’t mean you have to call them family…. F*ck me…
I’m unable to continue this miserable excuse for an existance. No one will wish I hadn’t and I have no will to live. I’m more than slightly sure that I do not deserve to piece myself through this meager existance. Goodnight everyone… See you in Hell….
I don’t know what to say, or how to say it. I’m scared of being home. I have been for a long time. I know it’s not abuse, because it’s not physical, but I’m getting worse again, and I’m scared to call CPS because they’ll see nothing wrong….
My mother, she says she cares, and only wants the best for me, but she says things with a hidden meaning. In other words, she says one thing, and she has a hidden meaning behind it. She’ll say things like “It’s so much easier shopping for your sister, because she is perfect for anything.” and means “You’re always […]
I’m stupid to think he would ACTUALLY want me….. WHY? Why does this always happen to me? I can’t even fucking CRY! He won’t talk to me, and he is with a new one. I warned her this time, because that f*cking b*tch is not worth her time. Not worth anyone’s time. He deserves to be alone. Sorry, but you don’t do this kinda crap to ANYONE. And I’m so tired of being used like this! I’m good until you get what you want and then you move on until you’re tired of them. Then where are you? Back to me because they won’t give […]
“We stop looking for monsters under our beds when we realize they’re inside of us.” -Unknown.
My monsters are winning. They’re not even monsters. It’s demons… I hope this isn’t goodbye…
Hey guys.. Well it’s been awhile and I just wanted to say yeah… I’m cutting deeper… I just kindof wanna rant so I guess I will haha ^-^’… Well let me start by saying that it’ll be my 5th year cutting in August 2014 and I’m pretty addicted… My past was horrible but I mean I’m sure yours was worse…. :/ :c well anyways currently my family (Mother and one of my sisters and I) can’t even buy food… Not even from the dollar menu! Our family other than us three is so rich the give no frucks about us. It’s pretty sa when the […]
My hands are shaking. My heart is breaking. I know I’ve lost you. You say I’ve moved on but I know I haven’t. I’m just not okay. I’m not happy. I’m not.. ANYTHING. I have my rope, waiting to slip around my neck and for me to take that plunge.. And I feel numb. Nothing. I know I hate myself. I know a lot of things. But nothing compares to the knowledge of my love for you. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s the truth. You are my soul mate and I will die without you. I can’t talk to you because you freak […]
I, simply, deserve to die.
They bring up memories. They bring up pain. They bring up the past. There is no gain. Only loss. I want to cry so badly right now. And I feel– Know– nobody cares. You may say you do, but I know the truth. I look at my screensaver, I read them. Obesity. I’ll always be it. Ugly. I’ll always feel it. Depression. I’ll never outgrow it. Stupid person saying he can make everything better. But guess what happened last time someone said that?? “I… Kinda met…. Someone.” Then he left. He never talks to me anymore. I didn’t want to be in a relationship. That’s […]
Like anyone actually gives a fuck about an ugly fat ass 14 year old… I act as if someone actually DOES.. But no one does… Don’t say you fucking do. I’m not an idiot. It’s just an act. Hell. I could’ve hung myself today and my teacher would’ve felt guilty! For what? NOTHING! BECAUSE NOBODY GIVES A FUCK! NOBODY CARES! NOBODY WANTS ME AROUND! I might as well be fucking DEAD. I’m just a fucking ANNOYANCE. Everyone says differently, BUT I KNOW IT’S TRUE BY THE WAY THEY ACT. “Actions speak louder than words” they say. 14 years and I’m JUST now realizing that nobody […]
Will I have the guts tonight to send myself over the edge? Fueled by my hate for life, and my ‘best friend’ calling me spoiled. I’m pampered I guess.. Because I get more than her? I guess so. If I decide yes, why do I keep choosing Thursdays? If I do choose this night to die, I’m going to fill myself with hateful words, everything that’s been said to me, everything I’ve thought, and the fact that I’m a fat ass who deserves to die.
A Cutter’s Lullaby:
Go to sleep and close your eyes,
And dream of broken butterflies
That tore their wings against a thorn.
Tortured. Yet not. Why do I feel so alone. Why do I still want to die. Why. Why. I’m a why kind of girl. Why don’t you care? Why does everyone hate me? Why do people lie when I know the truth? I carry around that noose.. Waiting for something to set me off. Waiting for that perfect timing to set in. Wanting it to be now instead of later. When the time comes.. Will I do it? Will I jump? Will I fall? I mean.. I’ve already fallen. And hit the ground hard. I’m broken. And people say I have no fucking reason to hate myself. […]
2 days and I’m walking out of the school gates. To that bridge. I will tie the rope, tightly. I will tie the other end around my neck. I will jump. I’m not afraid. It WILL work. Or so help me I WILL resort to shooting myself.
I want to cry. I feel so horrible- yet so okay. But I’m not okay. I’m not happy. I’m a horrible person. I’m unhappy. I’m stupid. I’m worthless. I’m done.
Will tonight be the night I jump off that bridge? Will tonight be the night I run away? Will tonight be the night I finish myself off? Will tonight be the night I cut so deep that I bleed to death? I don’t know. But I hope so.
I don’t know why I feel like this- but I guess I do. I have so many questions.
Why me? When is it my turn to die? What’s my purpose?????? […]
I want to tell everyone what happened to me.. But how can I when I’m still afraid of myself?? Who could I trust to not laugh?? Who would cry with me?? Who would get me through the bad times? Some person I don’t really know? Can I tell the school I was  bullied… That I need their support on Day of Silence?? That I need them to understand when no one else will??
This girl, she’s a cutter. She’s scarred to the max on her wrist. She has ‘DIE’ carved into her left thigh, forever present. The pain is everlasting. This girl, she is 14. She had a life, but a horrible one.
It starts out with no one. Only the sound of screaming and fighting, late at night, during the day, early morning. She was young when it started. She was 6 when she heard a slap. It terrified her. “What’s going on?” She thought countless times, climbing into her closet, the farthest, darkest corner, hiding under everything and crying.
School begins when she is 5. Immediantly, people point […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ylnx0NA9X4&list=FLWMs7irsk3QtvknGKYjRjjg&feature=mh_lolz
I tried to kill myself… For the second time… I just returned from a long term treatment center 4 days ago… I wish I hadn’t done it… I wish I hadn’t cut so deeply.. I have SO many scars.. How will I hide them? Why am I ashamed of them? Why do I still want to cut, even though I’m soooo much better?? I already carved cutter into my leg….
I took the pills….
24 posts and I’m still not okay.
24 posts and I still want to die…
24 posts and everything is the same.
23 posts and my life got a bit better.
23 posts and my life changed a bit.
23 posts and I’m still a cutter.
22 posts and nothing’s the same.
22 posts and I want to disappear.
22 posts and nothing will change.
21 posts and 21 days.
21 posts and 3 weeks.
21 posts and I’m still a stray.
20 posts and he won’t give in.
20 posts and he won’t forget.
20 posts, a multiple of ten.
19 posts and I’m ready for the end.
19 posts and I’m forgetful.
19 posts and I want my death to […]
As a kid I was quiet and went unnoticed except when my father yelled at me. When I started kindergarten at age 5, the bullying started. Name calling.. Being called *****, stupid, whore, dumbass… The list goes on.. Being pushed around and used. People telling me they’re my friends then using me for my smarts and putting me down as fat and ugly.. At 12 I fell into love and was ignored and forgotten. At 11 my father abandoned us…
As a teen I am quiet and hide myself. At 13 I fell in love again, my mother found out about the 19 year old and […]
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