Does anyone know anything that will send me into a deep sleep? Not those pills that “relax you to ease you into sleep” I want a heavy sedative.
I don’t know how long it has been since I crushed, snorted and swallow all the Adderall pills I could find and any other as well. I apologize if this seems incoherent or miss spelled I could be reacting to the Adderall. Adderall is prescribed to me so it wasn’t hard to get, other than the fact they won’t give me more than once a day. So, I started saving them up every day for the past few weeks or days? I have no idea if it’s enough. I read someone where if you snort the pills you are more likely to overdose so that’s what I did. I would go into why and I kinda of want to explain but I also don’t know how much time I can keep typing and still make sense. Now, that I am sitting back and basically just waiting I am having pangs of regret. But also the thoughts of “Fuck it, I already took like 20 pills why stop now?”. It’s like I want to stop but can’t stop. It’s like my body is just so done it’s doing it for me. I’ll admit I’m a wimp, every other time I have tried to kill myself I even been able to go through with it… Ugh, I don’t know how I feel about this. Maybe its the meds that are causing me to feel numb. But then again I haven’t been sure of anything lately. Is it odd I want all the overdose side effects. I want to feel it. Ugh what is wrong with me. I still have a few more pills, I don’t know what I want to do with them to be quite honest. I feel like if I’m this unsure of death maybe I shouldn’t be pushing so heavily towards it lol. Well its too late now. I’m honestly just sick and tired of everything. I just don’t want to try anymore. I’m tired. And I mean really fucking tired. Guess we will see what happens, or the maybe what doesn’t.
P.S I’ve been listening to this song on repeat for an hour way to relatable. Just wanted to shared it.
*This isn’t a step by step tutorial or anything it’s just statistics and scientific things you may want to know before you end it all.
Rank Method Name Lethality (%) Time (min) Agony
1 Shotgun to head 99.0% 1.7 5.5
2 Cyanide 97.0% 1.8 51.5
3 Gunshot of head 97.0% 2.5 13
4 Shotgun to chest 96.4% 1.4 16
5 Explosives 96.4% 1.6 3.75
6 Hit by train 96.2% 17.92 7.08
7 Jump from height 93.4% 4.56 17.78
8 Gunshot of chest 89.5% 7 21.7
9 Hanging 89.5% 7 25.5
10 Auto crash 78.5% 20.5 30
11 Household toxins 77.5% 24 54.5
12 Set fire to self 76.5% 57 95
13 Structure fire 73.0% 52.5 91.5
14 Carbon Monoxide 71.0% 21.5 18
15 Hit by truck/auto 70.0% 19 63
16 Electrocution 65.5% 2.4 72
17 Gunshot of abdomen 65.0% 69 74
18 Drowning ocean/lake 63.0% 18.5 79
19 Stab of chest 58.5% 96 76
20 Cut throat 51.5% 15.5 86
21 Overdose illegal drugs 49.4% 116.25 5.25
22 Plastic bag over head 23.0% 7 23
23 Drowning bathtub 21.5% 18.5 79
24 Drowning swimming pool 21.5% 18.5 79
25 Stab of abdomen 12.5% 252 78
26 Overdose prescription drugs 12.3% 129 8.5
27 Overdose non-prescription drugs 6.0% 456 22.5
28 Cut wrists/arms/legs 6.0% 105 71
This isn’t my chart so if you would like the source here it is: http://lostallhope.com/suicide-methods/statistics-most-lethal-methods
All credit goes to them lol.
*No, this isn’t a bullshit tumblr post ranting about “how I don’t fit in and everyone hates me.”
I don’t think everyone hates me, but I fucking hate them. People are disgusting. Lately with the politics in America about Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, which you have probably have heard plenty about so I won’t talk about that much. People especially around where I live, walk around saying “Black lives matter.” “You matter.” “All is accepted.” “We love you.” and more bullshit like that. Want the fucking truth? You don’t fucking love everyone, you don’t accept everyone, and you know how I fucking know that? The moment and I mean the fucking second someone walks into a room and says I’m a Trump supporter or something that the majority of society doesn’t agree with, they are bullied, beat down, shutdown, and silence. What the fuck happened to freedom of speech. I’m not saying to agree with the person. But Jesus fucking christ let people talk. Why should you be able to voice your opinions and say the things you do and not them. You claim to fight for equality but only as long as it benefits you. You don’t care about people, so stop claiming you do. The only person you fucking care about is yourself. I am sick and tired of the bullshit. I am tired of hearing “Equality for all.” “You matter.” and then seeing you turn around to someone who is simply voting for a guy and mentally beating them into submission. How the fuck can you tell me your a good person and you care? You hate Trump? That’s great. Did you ask the person fucking why they would vote for Trump? Of course fucking not. Because, it about how you feel, how its hurts your feelings, how your “offended”. Its not like other people have feelings right?
It pisses me off when people are simply crying out for help or just want to speak their fucking mind and are instantly beaten down. The Kanye West breakdown is a great example on how disgusting people are. Everyone is so focused on how he didn’t perform a song for them but not paying any attention to his pain and what hes actually saying. How can you fucking say your a good person when you turn around and tell a person to “Jump off” “Kill yourself” “I hope you get hit by a bus”. Oh its okay because he’s rich? Or you can say that because your a fan and he didn’t give you what you want? Stop acting like a toddler and grow the fuck up. He’s a person, he has fucking problems too. Stop thinking about yourself for 2 fucking seconds.
Okay, I’m done ranting. Sorry if that was a little intense lol. (Sorry if there grammar issues, or spelling.”
What a strange place.
What a dangerous place.
You can find literally anything on the internet and I mean anything. All it takes is a simple google search and *poof* over thousands of pages pop up on your computer. I’ve been suicidal for quite some time now and have done hours and hours of research on what’s the best way to kill myself, and it’s amazing that it was so simple for me to find not only methods but how, when, even where to do it. Hell, I’m pretty sure I could google “Where to hide a dead body” and I would get at least a few legit answers. I wonder how different my life would be without the internet or if it would be different at all… To me, it’s just so strange how death can just be one click away.
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