I fell in love at the wrong time. Sometimes, yes, id love a rewind. I say all the bad made me good. But now it’s just bad. And Im bad. I dont trust anyone anymore, im falling away from them on purpose. Too scared of myself to let others in. A feeling akin to a state of dreaming, but Im awake. I feel submerged under water, I like it because nothing can sink as far as I have. Solitude is heaven. Im trying to start anew but everything is too wound up to undo. All I’ve got to trust are my subconscious thoughts.
Anorexia nervosa has been romanticised to look like a fragile butterfly encrusted with pretty white diamonds and pearls.
It is better to be sick than healthy.
I got dragged down
By the current.
I know how to swim
But why fight it.
Faces and places
Come to haunt me
Along with things I’ve done
Im going to hell.
A fate worse than life?
There is none.
How do you breathe
When the air is your poison.
I fight hard for purpose
But I do not have one.
My legs fail me
Because there is nowhere to run
When your demons trail behind you.
I cant breathe
Im choked by my sins.
a fate worse than life?
There is none.
No one can know that im going down, not even my boyfriend. All i can think about lately.is killing myself. But I was on top of this tower and i had the oportunity to tip over the edge into oblivion but I dont know what stopped me. It wasnt the barriers, no, i couldve jumped over. It wasnt the many eyes watching as i leant over the edge and felt nothing but a sort of high, no, They wouldnt of mattered. It wasnt my so called best friend talking to the guy she ditched me for, she wouldnt of noticed. I was just scared. Scares […]
She was ten when she noticed
When it crept into her veiw
Was it too late?
She was sitting in her desk trying to draw
When death and suicide were all that she saw
she saw the darkness for all that it was.
She learned to deal
It wasn’t severe.
Aside from the voices she’d started to hear.
She was ten when she noticed
When it crept into her veiw
Was it too late?
She was little when it started, too little.
Is nine too little?
She was nine when it started.
She was sitting on the floor
Of her grand Dad’s mobile home
Thinkin and thinkin
She looked up and saw fields of grain fly by, and her one thought, her single thought was,
“Open it. Open the door, you could fly too.”
She got up, she jumped up, jumped. Lunged for the door, lunged for the handle.
Her breath shot out of her mouth, and she inhaled deep, deep, deep, until she choked on all the air.
She was little when it started, too little.
Is nine too little?
She […]
ive gone for so long without slicing my skin. but the feeling of want has come yet again. i stare at the metal for hours on end. I dont want to smile. I cannot pretend. I swear the sadness is eating my soul. ive been made empty. no longer whole. ive gone for so long without slicing my skin. the feeling of want has come yet again..how long until i relapse again… (Psycho)
“Ew, look girls, it’s the fat bird.â€
says Hattie. “Hahah, hey fatty,
why don’t you go and fly away
and take up space somewhere
else!†yells Carra. God I hate
the plastic Barbie bitches who constantly torture my life i think
to myself. I get up to leave, but
before i can Hattie and Carra
are in front of me. “You’re so
fat Jenna.†says Carra. “Yes,
your Royal ***** of Bitchland, I believe you’ve told me this
information before.†I say
calmly. She’s clearly pissed off
now. I try to walk past them but
Hattie stops me with her hand.
“Fat Bird where do […]
“I don’t understand.†said my mom. “Don’t understand what?†i ask. but she brushed me off, she ignored me..it was as if she couldn’t even hear me. “I don’t quite understand why she did it either, but, I am very sorry for your loss Ma’am.†Said a woman in a nurses uniform. Who were they talking about? What loss…? “Sweetie†says my mom to my Step-Dad, “I-I have to go, I can’t look at her like this.†she says with an on-slaught of tears streaming down. Who? “Seriously guys, what happened? Who died?!†I say panicked. Why weren’t they answering me? Why weren’t they looking […]
She doesn’t know how to cope.
She doesn’t see any light.
So she picks up a blade
and cries the whole night.
He drowns his demons
With whiskey and pills
He’s fully aware,
of how much it kills.
She dreams of flight.
But not like the birds.
She just slices through air.
Without any words.
He’ll catch his train,
To the land of dreams
While the life he left behind,
Tears at it’s seams.
I’ll go soon enough but for now
I’ll just wait.
For my demons to guide me to my
dark,
dark,
fate.
I want to die. I want to fucking slit my wrists so badly that I can see my bone and fucking die. To hell with the idea of surviving and staying strong. I say fuck it. It’s no use. I’m just a fucking “compulsive lying *****” who “should die” and “jump in front of a fucking car”. I’m a “shit friend” and I “deserve the worst.” people said that to me. And I’m just not gonna try to fucking act like I don’t care. I’m crying and I’m giving up. I’m gonna die. So goodbye SP. I’m starting my process. and I’ll be gone by […]
Go to YouTube.
Look up “Baby don’t cut by B-Mike.
Listen carefully to the lyrics.
Aren’t they awesome?
Her gaze travels down to my arms. The pain is clearly seen in her eyes, I can tell she has noticed the cuts, the scars, and the burn marks. “Why do you have to leave?” she says, tears forming quickly in her eyes. She turns away from me. Hiding her face, and her tears. I grab her hand and she slowly turns to look at me. “Please don’t cry.” I say softly. She releases her hand from mine and stands. “You’re selfish. Just leaving everyone who cares behind in the dust, while you go ahead and die!” She screams, pain peircing every word. “Please, forgive […]
“When did you start feeling this way?” she asked.
I had to think a bit. When did it start? At what point did I say ‘Fuck it! I want to die.’? At what point did I give up…
“Well?” She said eagerly. She seemed to have fun, asking me questions. Hearing the deadly truth. Hearing what life annd reality was like behind dark and empty eyes.
“Answer me. When?”
(Reply in comments.)
I’m no longer myself anymore. I’ve morphed into something so beautiful, yet so fragile. Like a butterfly. I started off as a small egg. Then I was hatched, brought into a world where there were larger things than I. Things that were sure to destroy me. I was pummeled and shown horrors no little caterpillar should. All the while I spent my time absorbing and eating up the words that were viciously thrown at me. I chose to listen. I guess eventually the little caterpillar me had had enough,so I formed walls around me. I was to stay there forever. Safe, and warm, and perfectly […]
“I can see the scars.” she said.
I realized now that there was no use to hide them, I was scheduled to leave by train in an hour anyways.
“what about them?” I replied.
She looked at me for a while. I could tell she was searching for something. Maybe some lost light behind the darkness. Some hope within me.
“Why?” she answered.
“Why what?” I replied.
“Why’d you do that to yourself? I’ve never gotten the point of cutting. What does it help?”
(Reply to her in the comments.)
(p.s. I will be doing these often and titling them ‘!!!’ I hope I get comments.)
“I ask you this- Why are you sad?”
she asked.
and I replied…
(Put your personal reply in the comments)
One day I’ll be alright, but for now I’ve got to dream and fight. The future, they say, is oh so bright. But from my view it’s as dark as night.
Shadows upon the walls, demons creep, and darkness calls. There’s no victory, the battle lasts eternally. War zone up ahead, life and death fight in my head. I hear the screams of the dead, the words they whisper, the words they said. echoing, inside my mind. Are you okay? of course, I’m fine. No need to fret. For i’m alright. No I’m honest, it’s not a lie. Even if I just want to die, […]
I guess this is it, so this is goodbye, you leave me here, and away you fly. I guess that your gone, all I can do is cry, I thought you’d prove me wrong, that you’d never die…but, you went away on angels wings….you kissed the sky and flew away from, me. It’s all my fault, everything, I couldv’e helped you, you’d of seen, but, I’m too late, now you’re gone, you’re not coming back with the light of the sun, no…you can’t leave, me….you can’t die…tell me your lying, that your just trying to joke…that ya’ didn’t choke…
ever imagine,
a life not like this,
one where you smiled,
and weren’t in an abyss.
ever even think
that there was good to be found,
ever thought you’d feel,
safe and sound?
You didn’t see the horrors,
you didn’t hear the screams,
you didn’t fear daylight
and you didn’t have to bleed,
only in our dreams right?
cause were stuck in the night.
only in a daze right?
cause were still livin with this fright.
Imagine
what would happen
if the world sudddenly was good,
where people would be laughin,
instead of dying where they stood.
Imagine…
imagine the impossible,
the improbable,
the un-knowable…
Ever dream […]
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