Suicide Story #1

“I don’t understand.” said my mom. “Don’t understand what?” i ask. but she brushed me off, she ignored me..it was as if she couldn’t even hear me. “I don’t quite understand why she did it either, but, I am very sorry for your loss Ma’am.” Said a woman in a nurses uniform. Who were they talking about? What loss…? “Sweetie” says my mom to my Step-Dad, “I-I have to go, I can’t look at her like this.” she says with an on-slaught of tears streaming down. Who? “Seriously guys, what happened? Who died?!” I say panicked. Why weren’t they answering me? Why weren’t they looking at me? “Okay, I’ll stay here.” my dad says, tears forming in his eyes now, he hugs my mom, and looks right past me. My mom walks by me. No. Not by me, but through me. “hahah” i laugh “So funny guys, great acting, n-now you c-can st-stop.” I stutter..suddenly realizing what had happened. I recalled the words the nurse had said moments before “I’m sorry for your loss.” and then my mom. I know who had died. I had died. But how? how’d I die? No. I couldn’t have died, this is just some crazy, elaborate joke. Not real, Cause I’m not dead, how would I die anyway? I walked out to the hallway, there was a flood of people outside my room. There were people I knew from my mom’s clientele, my dad’s work partners, my friends, everyone was out side, waiting. “Guys? what are you all doing here?” i ask. nobody responds, there is murmuring amongst them. Oh, they must be playing along. “hey, Em stop this joke, it’s old” I say as i playfully punch her arm, but she doesn’t budge, instead my hand goes through her. I scream. “WHAT THE MOTHER FUCK?!!?!” I look at everyone. “What the Hell is going on!?” I start walking, but no one moves out of the way, so i try to push through the crowd, which is no problem, but only because I walk through them. I walk back into the room I started at. And then I see someone, laying on a bed. Sleeping. This must be why they’re here. I take a closer look at the person and suddenly stop dead i my tracks…this person…is me. and my heart rate monitor, the beep machine, whatever it is, has a flatline. Oh my God…I’m- I’m-a corpse. How did I die? I look at the nurses diagnosis and referencing of events sheet,

Patient No.: #1098878

“Great, i’m a number.” I say

Patient name: J********* E**** N******

“What’s with the star symbols? whatever, they at least had the decency to put the first letters of my first, middle, and last name.” I skim the rest of the page, looking for the reference of events portion. Finally I found it.

Reference of Events:

Patient J.E.N. was found inside her room with slit wrists, and empty bottles of assorted pills. Order of events guessed to be the swallowing of numerous pills and then proceeding to slit her wrists.

“So I did it, I killed myself” I started to cry. “I don’t want to be dead anymore.” I want to be alive, look at all those people…everyone who cares. Shit.