You guys should go to youtube and look up “Where’s my wonderland” by Blood on the dance floor.
I feel ignored…even by you guys 🙁
spiral, a downward spiral. those two words: my life. I was going to kill my self, jump off a tower SURPRISE! i pass out and wake up to find out I have cancer (however the hell that works) then I find out that…SURPRISE! the cancer is spreading. (although I have to admit sstarving the cancer has worked a lot so thanks to those who suggessted that) I went back to school and duh, stupid me! I seriously thought they’d leave me alone since I had cancer, maybbe they’d show some sympathy instesd of hate….hell no. Surprise! i have so much anger toward the world inside […]
Maybe I’ll take a pain killer….or 70.
They allways say that. Everyone, people are leaving me like it’s fucking cool to do that. they always say “I’m leaving. Goodbye.” And, today my mom was being really….bitchy, and she walked out the door, and left me alone. But before she did she said, “I’m leaving, Goodbye.” and the door closed. I just sat in my room crying, trying to process what had just happened, “was she coming back, was I an orphan, was I ever to see her again….She’s not coming back, they never do.” I just crawled into bed and closed my eyes, and then she returned. But she was yelling at […]
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this can’t happen, no, no, no, no, this won’t happen, no, no, no, no, no, this is just some sick twisted joke, this is just a misunderstanding, the computer or whatever messed up. no, no, no, no, it won’t can’t shan’t happen, but it is. why, why me. whhy not the next person. why not no-one. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I won’t stand for it…
Catch your breath darlin,
catch your breath,
Cause you’ll need it when you feel down.
Catch your breath darlin’ catch your breath,
cause you’ll need it when your six feet underground
you’ll need to store up for death….
so darlin hold your breath
hold your footing, and don’t you move.
hold your footiing, and just be you.
Hold your footing and don’t you move,
hold your footing,
when your in a mood.
Hold your footing, hold your footing,
even when they start pushing.
Don’t loose your edge darlin’
Don’t loose your edge.
Hold it when your on the ledge.
Keep strong darlin,
now you keep strong.
oh yay, aren’t I happy to have more chemo tomorrow… 🙁 well if it makes me better, whatever, although i’ll never like it.
See, they don’t know nuthin. They…they think they know it all. These bitches think they know me, and my story. But ey! they don’t know shit. ya see they think, jus cuz I wear this eyeliner, this black, jus cuz I have scars…that i’m less than human. But ey, those damn bitches dunno shit about me. they dunno how to talk, how to think, how to be, how to fuckin LIVE, an they aren’t ever gunna learn now are they. they’re just gonna keep on thinkin their narcisistic little thoughts. And I’ll keep on puttin up with it. puttin up with their shit. WELL UMMM…EXCUSE […]
All hope was lost
and she was so young
the sun stopped shining
when she was gone.
No one heard her cries
No one heard her pleas.
No one heard any of her painful screams.
And all hope was lost
in the middle of the night
when she decided
to have a first flight.
she spread her wings and stood on a perch.
11 stories up,
she flew like a bird.
And when she landed she went up up up.
God welcomed her with a hug.
And her story to this day is told quite simply…
Cause all hope was lost,
in the middle of […]
Y’know whaat, fuck this, cancer IS the best thing that’s happy to me…or am I just in denial. meh whatever idc anymore if I survive, I survive, If I die, I die….maybe my mom is right…maybe I am actually something. Well anyways I have removal surgery again tomorrow. Well i gtg, cause it’s time for me to take a walk through the hospital.
…I was scrolling through my fb news feed…and…they made a video and posted it to my wall, the gist of the viddeo is that
1.) I’m F.U.B.A.R (fucked up beyond all recognition)
2.) a dying freak.
3.) was bound to get cancer.
4.) I probably have herpes too.
and 5.) I should’ve passed out and fallen off the building that night…
:’)
They gave me a mechanical pencil, heheh i can cut with one, they are so clueless. well, I have added 9 cuts to my arm. I almost forgot I had cancer.
Guys I’m just so weak, and hopeless, I just want to die, even though the cancer will do that for me, I just want to die now…sooner not later, now.
Dear Cancer,
I’d like to tell you just how disgusted you’ve made me. You’ve invaded my body and millions of other people’s bodies. And then you kill them. Sometimes you decide to show mercy but only sometimes. Don’t you think you should spare the little kids, don’t you think you should spare the teens, the adults, the world??? Don’t you think that you could let them live their lives. Let me live mine? You’ve gotten enough haters, and I’m pretty sure the only people who like you is the nothing. Oh, exuse me, but why are you still here. YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!! YOU RUINED […]
June 20th 2011, a day I will never forget. That was the day I first started to have thoughts of suicide. They spawned from who knows where, it just happened. My family and I were on a road trip in an RV, I was going to the front to see the corn feilds whirring by, when suddenly, I dunno what came over me, but the once innocent eleven year old girl, grabbed the handle to the door, thank God it was locked, who knows what I might’ve done.
September 25th, 2011, My 12th birthday was here, shoulda been happy, but I wasn’t. Sure it looked like […]
I wanted to die differently, I want to drown, I want to OD, I want to shoot myself, anything but cancer! I’d jump, I’d hang, I’d chug, anything BUT cancer. I’d like to be hit, I’d like to drift off in my slumber eternally, I’d like to be stabbed, anything but CANCER. fuck cancer, fuck cancer, fuck cancer, fuck cancer, fuck it. I’m sitting in a stupid hostpital, in a stupid gown, with stupid food, stupid and overly chipper nurses, oh and don’t forget the cell enlarging body killing menace, CANCER. At first I thought they were joking, just lightening the mood somehow, “I’m sorry […]
im dying, i’m anorexic, i’m infected, i’m depressed, I’m a poet, I’m a singer, I’m a songwriter, I’m a girl, I’m thirteen, I have cancer. Fuck cancer. Fuck life. Fuck it all. I had so much to live for, and now…now i’m just a breathing corpse. for the most part dead. Fuck it all.
I have my results from the surgery and they weren’t able to remove all of the cancer, so yay i have to go to chemo :'( well my hope has officially vanished, along with my dreams of being a lawyer. Fuck cancer.
Tomorrow I go in for surgery, If the cancer is still there next month they will try again but if it fails twice i’m going to most likely die. I’ve been wishing to die for so long now but now that there is a chance I will…god, i’m scared. And what makes it so scary was when I collapsed on top of the building i was about to jump off of, I didn’t expect to wake up and find out I have cancer. But I do, and i’m trying so hard to stay strong through it all but it is really really hard.
Wish me […]