xxxlonelyxxx

This might sound stupid because i dont really know how to describe this but it is a terrible feeling and i want to know if this happens to anyone else..

Its this pain in my stomach and sometimes my heart. A twisting knot pain that grows with intensity every hour I’m awake. It feels like I have fire or acid in my stomach/heart and someone is twisting and making knots. it feels like my stomach is turning inside out.. it’s HORRIBLE PAIN..

it doesn’t happen when I’m drinking.. or when I smoke. only when I’m depressed and think about him. if I find something fun enough.. […]

Okay so after a few days of heavy drinking and deep depression I had an idea.. and so far its actually cheering me up! god it feels good to not be so hopeless. this might just be a stupid rant but I want to know what you guys think because it sounds flawless to me. Here goes:

so I convinced my parents to let me come back to my home state. this is also the state where my ex-fiancee/abuser is. I miss him so much but I’m not quite stupid enough to just go running back to him knowing what he put me through..

I’m going to […]

I finally found something to take away this horrible pain in my heart and keep my mind off things… It seems alcohol really does help me forget.. and helps this pain in my heart! I know what ill be doing from now on.. never been much of a drinker but finally! I found something to take my mind off him and I don’t get that terrible knot in the stomach feeling! YAY!!