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Is it wrong to kill yourself if you truly believe it will make other lives happier? Or is that still considered selfish? Because I want to help others, not myself.
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My mom doesn’t understand that she is only making things worse for me. She says she’s going to get me counseling and that I need to talk to someone about God. I just want her to listen and accept me without trying to force religion on me. I do believe there is a god, but I have questions. However, who doesn’t? She screams and yells at me for things she doesn’t even understand herself. She tells me that I need to talk to someone. Well, the only person I want to reach out to and tell them why I am the way I am is […]
So I have finnaly manage the perfect plan. Quit my job, leaving my house, my animals have been placed with family members with the pretence of going travelling around the world. But its actually the perfect plan to finally have the opportunity to be in the position to end it without having to feel guilty about leaving my family to deal with all of my crap. House, bills, animals… So now will travel and see the most amazing things i. The world then i can go without felling guilty.
Its weird, when I was growing up in a very conservative home, went to a Christian school and I used to feel like I was suffocating all the time. I am not a very religious person because I don’t really see the point. Who can prove one god exists and one doesn’t? My life goes pretty smoothly and I have great family and friends and I play college sport; so it seems as though my life as a purpose right? I feel as though when I truly look at life as a whole I don’t understand how God (whoever that may be) can not be […]
In this Martian, barren land
Upon a rustic hill I stand
on this ground no being breathes
to allow for ghastly, ghoulish deeds.
Phantoms reek of mystic smells,
And devils ring their wailing bells
Whose voices warn of blasphemy
And sing of brewing agony.
No protest comes from those deceased,
Their bodies slain with frightful ease.
A sickle formed of lust and greed
Carried out this gruesome deed.
Gods bear witness to my crime
Condemning this sold life of mine.
The children vanish in the sand
and out protrudes their withered hands
I feel my burning blood on fire
As I amass this desert […]
I’m set on my plan to end things but one thing that i have always wondered with overdoses …. tried many times and failed but what are peoples opinions, lots in one go or drag it out so to speak so a few and often? Just wondered what people found as I always end up being sick even with anti sickness tablets :/ it’s one thing that has always puzzled me, not od’ing this time but something that has played on my mind since last attempt
So friendship is something we all have and go through the laughs the vets the betrayal. So why is it that me being an idiot doesn’t want to get close Im afraid of getting betrayed and hurt. OS that just me when I’m in a friendship or do you guys and girls have it too. I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one who pushes people away when they try and get near to you.
A little about myself.
I’m a 24 year old male from the UK, and I have suffered with depression on an official basis since 2009 after a failed suicide attempt, it began in 2005 I think. I work in food retail (Don’t do it, it’ll make you want to kill people). And I’ve done it for over 5 years.
But what about the title I see you ask, why “Fight or Flight?”
Because I feel it’s the only two choices I’ve got left. See recently I returned to the workplace which was a huge contributing factor to my mental break down I had back in December 2013, the […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/3_Doors_Down_-_Kryptonite.mp3
I’m a defector
proud to say
no matter what they try
I will get away
The calling for the spirit guide
is beneath what I need
Faith amidst my poverty
I can’t help but succeed
It’s a crown
fit for a king
nevertheless the darkness haunts and seeks me
They shall not prevail
neither shall they reign
For the cry from the humble man
out tested their fame
shame nevertheless encompass and shadows me
I pray that my God that I serve will hopefully forgive me
I am not what they say
nor what they think
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Hinder_-_Lips_Of_An_Angel.mp3
All my life
I have seemed to fail
Satan says I am destined to hell
little do he know less what he think
out of all of his accomplishments, reigns, and victories
still I hold to God for it is to Him I cling
Resonating sounds of the angel sing
I love the song, mountain, and hill
although he comes to steal, destroy, and kill
Defective equipment is all I have
Knock it down a little once more
Forsake me not Lord
For I am not a whore
scarred, pain staken and stricken
I hide my eyes
because I’m tired of them seeing somethin’
pain, love, jealous, and shame
happy, mad, sick, and leave
Not at the end
It can’t be right now
I’m […]
I wish i could go back  and do things differently. Now im stuck. I guess thats just the way life goes, although I know I would die if I knew I could come back new. i didnt know someone my age could carry so much regret. It only really hurts when I see something that that reminds me, like today i saw the snack gummies that we used to eat whilst we stayed up all night long watching stupid movies. I did everything you asked of me, and would literally have pulled my heart out and given it to you if you needed it. How […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Evanescence_-_Sweet_Sacrifice.mp3
I’m am beginning to feel better now that I am here. I feel like I have made some friends even tho I know the connections may or may not be real. I hope to heal one day. I remember when I used to pray. I used to pray everyday but now I can’t seem to do nothing ubt think about praying. I remember the times when I was publicly humiliated in church. I had always wanted to go now I see why so many people didn’t/don’t go. I know its always gonna be why me. I know I am always gonna feel why me.
My mom has just been giving me this look of utter pity as if I was just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. As if at any moment I’ll try again. I love her to death and I know she is only worried for me but I can’t stand for her to do this to me. Her looks kill me more each day knowing I caused so much harm to her. What hurts me the most is that things won’t be the same anymore and its all my fault..
Just found out my psychiatrist(the one who helped me through my bad trip) killed himself,after being one of the top psychtrists in Sillicon Valley(Cali,look it up)
He was found selling drugs on the side even though he didn’t need too,He drove a rolyce rolce and lived in Monterey and had two offices in san jose and monetary what a world, what a world
My prayers go out to him and his family,he helped me very much
Nearly killed myself today.. Anyone wanna talk? I lost everyone I ever used to talk to. devinbelver@yahoo.com  kik: devinx7
Five more days.
I don’t want to go to work Wednesday. I’m off the next two days. But I know asshat will be there. I can’t deal with him anymore
i just want to go.
people wont miss me.
the one person i thought
that would miss me
well i just discovered that
in the end they wont miss me
theyll move on
i just want to leave
im numb but in
so much pain
all at the same time
its weird because
i cant feel happiness
i dont remember
how to be happy
what it feels like to
be happy
all i know how to
feel is sad, pained,
and lonely
oh and ignored.
i guess i was right
this world is better off
without me.
isn’t it?
yes it is.
I feel this weird combination of hate and depression. I hate everyone else, yet I feel depressed every time I see them (my “friends”). What hurts me the most is the fact that nothing really really bad has happened to me, yet I feel very depressed and sad. I shouldn’t. There are people who are in a worst situation than me. But I can’t get over that feeling. I feel alone, yet maybe I’m not. Maybe I should be happy, but I don’t feel happy. I feel really sad.
I’ve been told like a million times things like “Get over it. I think you’re the one […]
I met this guy over the summer. He goes to an ivy league school and was doing a summer internship at a very well known investment banking company. Perfect 10. If finance doesn’t work out for him, which it will, he could become a model, date a celebrity and never work a day in his life again. Turns out he was gay so we slept together and that was that, and I knew that was that. A few months later he added me on Facebook which I thought was significant because I’d never even told him my name. As usual everything in my head ran […]