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I don’t think I can do it anymore.
I’m tired. I’m so tired. Of fighting myself, of struggling, of not sleeping, of my thoughts, of the loudness, of the pain, of the medication.
I just wish that my brain would be quiet. It’s too loud. Everything hurts.
please
make it stop
Why do so many bad things have to happen to me? Â Just how much more am I expected to handle? Â It’s not just one thing or ten things; it’s been so much more than that. Â Part by part, my body is being destroyed. Â I go to different practioners for help but they only wind up making me worse and have given me MORE health problems that I didn’t initially have. Â I am 33 but have health problems of a 73 year old. Â I am just fucked.
I now have problems with my both my legs, in addition to my original problems with my lungs, my heart, […]
I’ve thought about this off and on for several years… I think about it and plan I now more than ever. In the past, I attempted constantly, and of course failed just as constantly. (I apologize for any mistakes that may occur as I’m stubbornly using a mobile phone in bed). The one method I keep coming back to is overdosing on alcohol rectally (because my body clearly has a tendency to puke up harmful things. Stupid body). I am a tiny individual. 5″3′ and 98 pounds. I do not drink alcohol on a regular basis (or at all really) and therefore don’t have a […]
Just curious, and I can’t seem to sleep again.
Just because it’s Valentines Day doesn’t mean you need to celebrate with a significant other. Take the time to tell your family & loved ones how much they mean to you. Sometimes I don’t feel like I tell them enough so this is just another excuse because, let’s be honest- it’s just another day of the year so technically it’s Valentines day everyday. Most of all, remember to continue to LOVE yourself . Take care of yourself. Take care of your heart. I’m gonna take the moment to tell you guys right now that I love you guys… *big hugs*.
Maybe […]
Every day I wake up to go to school so I can get yelled at by coaches,staff,even students. I feel that if just disappeared, no-one would care because to them, I’m just some random goat they yell at.
Bah!
I hate this world. Â And I hate all the shitty people in it. Â I wish they’d all have a heart attack and just drop dead. Â The world would be better off without them. Â I wish I had some magical power like in the movies to make them suffer like they do unto others.
Yes I am spewing anger, but I have lots to be angry about. Â I hate all the horrible things that go on in the world and all the assholes getting away with it. Â It just seems like the bad people get rewarded and the nice people suffer at their hands.
It seems all virtues are for strong. when you are strong or have power you can choose whether to forgive or punish, but what can you choose when you’re weak? how can you show your virtue when you’re not allowed to choose itself? then it all turns into mere consolation. Is there anything like ‘intrinsic value’?
Dear whoever is reading this, SMILE.
Life is too short to be unhappy.
Everyone carries some sadness with them.
We get used to it.
If you have too much, it’ll weigh you down. (Sadness about past, present and future)
Try letting of some.
You’ll fell so much lighter. (Unnecessary sadness)Â
Just because you have experienced pain doesn’t mean you won’t feel happiness again.
Let your smile to change the world, don’t let the world change your smile.
I hope you always find a reason to smile.
I think I’m going to be posting here daily. It’s better than writing a diary. Those things are worthless.
So tomorrow I’m going to a friend of mine’s house to have a sort of anti-valentine’s day party. Not really a party, just some mutual friends, some food, and some weed. The thing is, my mother decided to tell me she’s going to drug test me the day after. I’m at the point where I don’t really care if she catches me. I’m at a really low point, even though I’m young. I want to smoke and forget about all of my stresses. I’m not the type of person to do crazy drugs like acid or cocaine. I don’t like any of that stuff. I […]
i always wonder if people look at me and think.. damn i wish i looked like her!! or do they think damn shes ugly ass fuck. im a kinda thick girl and active tall long blond hair. and you would think ppl would like that but i guess not..
I’ve made too many stupid mistakes in my 26 years on this earth. There is no way for me to have a normal life any more. I got fired from my job of 8 years and now I cant get hired by any one. My wife works 10 hours a day and I am only working at a shitty temp job 20 hours a week. I feel like im not a man anymore. I just fucked up too many times and theres no way back. There are no second chances. Nothing will ever be the same. I dont feel suicidal yet but in the future […]
These daily posts are officially stopping. I am now officially not doing the Day ___ things… It’s just causing more people to worry about me… So more people to hurt when I say my final goodbye… I don’t know how frequent I will post… So… Goodbye?
I just want a Prince charming
or even someone that isn’t harming.
Just someone to ten my heart
and someone to stop me from tearing apart.
I don’t want a tiara or a crown.
Just some happiness when I’m down
or just a smile on their face
But I know that’s not the case
Someone that will trust me
And someone who will believe me
Someone to share a genuine a smile
To comfort me all the while
A person who doesn’t care about my past.
A relationship that I know will last
A person that understands me
And expects me to just be me.
The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because I don’t want to hurt anyone but the reason I want to kill myself is because everyone is hurting me.
Well guys just an update , I failed my finals been crying , I put my all into and failed but my teacher saw my potential and giving me a make-up …….hopefully I pass the make up test ……I just totes sad tonight *sad face * and tomorrow is valentines day and I still can’t even see my boyfriend oh well , plus everyone in my class calls me a demon and it’s pissing me off been thinking abt mass murder but I know that wrong but just been keeping to myself a lot .
Love Allie
xoxoxo
All I can think about every minute is dying. I want to fucking die today, right now, so badly. Â :'(
I started writing letters to the only people who talk to me. This is what I have for Andrea, a friend who has suffered a lot, and I tried to help, but she was never in CAP with me and disagreed on me joining.
Andrea:
If you’re reading this, then you know. Sorry. Wanted to tell you.
The money I left won’t be much but it should help you get by. Want you to be happy when you meet the right person. Don’t want you to have to be on your own.
Not sure the right way to say how I feel about you. Think you know already, though. […]
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