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Brady’s scared to drown to death.
Sidney’s scared to burn to death.
I’m just scared to keep living like this,
I know I’ll be the one to cause my own death.
That problem being life. Â Thoughts?
Guess who’s throwing up again? Cyd. That’s who. I know.. I know.. I should really see a doctor since this is a recurring problem. I get it. I just don’t feel like dealing with it. So, instead of thinking about my volatile stomach, I’m just gonna post a random poem a wrote a few months ago…sorry it’s so goddamn depressing, but I’m still proud of it.
Mornings ruin my day
A beating heart is useless
Lying, waiting for my body to die
A beating heart is worthless
When you no longer need its services
My stomach is on fire
I guess I’ll let it […]
Hey, im back. I felt the need to take a rant. Read if you wish but if you dont i dont mind.
Its 1:04pm Sydney time and its Wednesday
So, over the course of 2 days, i have told my best guy mate that i started cutting and i was really giving up on life & personal stuf that was going on inside my head.
We played 21 questions the other night and i told him i would answer anything truthfully, and so i did. The questions started of as a joke but then got serious.
He asked ” why did you start cutting?” i told him that i […]
Towards the end when Agent Smith and Neo are battling inside the matrix and it looks like Agent Smith has won the battle, Neo stands up again to him…
Agent Smith: Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you’re fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without […]
That’s it I’m giving up there’s no benefit from being here the only thing I do well is screw up so I’ve decided to kill myself before I fuck up again so I say goodbye.
I put a knife to my wrist i began to cut, i hid my scars so no one saw
i just wanted satisfaction of being in charge of something in life i just want to take my mind off of all this pain
all of my emotional pain, depression and stress. i popped pills i tried to overdose for some reason i only passed out
nothing works it’s like i’ve been denied by death , death wants me to be in this torture but i wont stop until this is all over
So many times, so much places
I’ve tried to kill myself without any traces
People don’t care I’m such a burden my mother hates me It just keeps hurting
No one cares most are unaware
I’m alone in this world no friends just foes
They all hate me they tease , they say I’m just a hoe
I’m nothing to anyone they don’t feel my pain
I should be gone , no one is to blame
Why live when there’s nothing but hurt?
My life is a mess this would never work
Momma tried her best to reach me
Father could’ve never taught me
I tried to kill myself today, but death didn’t want me any way.
I asked if I could stay for a while, he said its not your place with a smile.
As the tears rolled down my face I cried I just need some space. But he was gone without a trace and now I must linger in this place.
How cruel it is to be rejected by death and his scythe.
“I don’t understand.†said my mom. “Don’t understand what?†i ask. but she brushed me off, she ignored me..it was as if she couldn’t even hear me. “I don’t quite understand why she did it either, but, I am very sorry for your loss Ma’am.†Said a woman in a nurses uniform. Who were they talking about? What loss…? “Sweetie†says my mom to my Step-Dad, “I-I have to go, I can’t look at her like this.†she says with an on-slaught of tears streaming down. Who? “Seriously guys, what happened? Who died?!†I say panicked. Why weren’t they answering me? Why weren’t they looking […]
in my last post I wrote that I found this special person who helped me a lot in my life. he’s the reason I can write this. I won’t know what happened if I hadn’t met him.
some people say “you’re lucky to find someone like him” “I won’t find THIS person” and so on.
but you will find a person like I found him. there’s a special person for everybody out there.
what will happen if you end your life? you can’t see so much beautiful things: think how beautiful you’ll look in your promdress or even your little sister, the moment when you look in someone’s […]
I don’t even know what to begin with here. I tried typing the first few lines so many times. UGH! Okay, let’s get this straight: this rant is not about people. It’s about me. I apologize if it sounds conceited but there are so many inferences made about the mental illnesses I have so I’m going to list them one at a time so you can understand them. As well as some sexuality things.
ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder):
1. It does not mean that I get distracted with every little detail. I can, actually, hold a full conversation without going: “Ooh! A rock!”
2. I’m hyper all […]
I told my husband I am going to kill myself. I told him my plan. He said if I really want to there’s nothing he can do to stop me. So there you have it.
But I’ve started therapy and taking a new medication and now I’m not so sure. I have never not hated myself and since starting my medication I hardly hate myself. I see that there’s a point to living. This is so different from what I’ve always felt. It is weird and exhilarating and just…different.
as a child i remember life like damn Paradise.now im 18 and have dealing with strong depression since 15 because of bullyng.i got addicted to weed because it calm my anxiety.when you grow up you understand how though is life.i have been dreaming with suicide many times,how i was going to do it and what was going to be the place i go.when im sit in my sofá and put the tv on the fucking tv ads piss me off,everybody is so happy and so fake.the day is too long and also life.i always think of the dogs that liive 12 years.i wish i live […]
Quite recently, I had a seizure. This seizure kind of threw my mind out of wack, because I remember before passing out thinking about how I didn’t want to die. What really gets to me is that this is sort of the opposite of what I think I want. I always think about how people’s lives would be better without me. Do I subconciously want to live? I have been thinking about this ever since I had the seizure.
I’m really sorry if none of this makes sense.
I can’t keep from dwelling on the fact that I set myself up to be alone. I’m used to people not being there for me, but normally there’s those few people that are always there.  This time even they have drifted away. It seems like over night I slipped back into my old skin of sadness and loneliness. I thought that I had learned to be happy again. She opened up a whole new world of beauty to me. Was it a new world so sweet or was I just blinded by her sweetness? I’m so confused and numb. I’m remembering what it feels like to be alone. […]
I made an earlier post. You can click it here: http://suicideproject.org/2013/06/200363/
In there, it sounded like everything was great in my life and in my past. I think I should shed some light on that. Everything started when I was five years old.
My grandmother was a terrible woman and I was her latest punching bag. She had done this to my father and was now doing it to me. She would hit me, humiliate me, insult me, and other things as well.
I remember her always calling me trailer trash, no matter what I did or wore. Sometimes, I wasn’t allowed to finish a whole […]