I don’t even know what to begin with here. I tried typing the first few lines so many times. UGH! Okay, let’s get this straight: this rant is not about people. It’s about me. I apologize if it sounds conceited but there are so many inferences made about the mental illnesses I have so I’m going to list them one at a time so you can understand them. As well as some sexuality things.
ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder):
1. It does not mean that I get distracted with every little detail. I can, actually, hold a full conversation without going: “Ooh! A rock!”
2. I’m hyper all the time, yes, but I can be calm as well. I sleep. A LOT.
3. It does not mean that I’m awake at 3:00 in the fucking morning bothering my mother if she can take me somewhere.
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder):
1. DOES NOT MEAN THAT EVERY FUCKING THING NEEDS TO BE PERFECT!!Â My room is really messy.
2. It just means that there are CERTAIN things that I need to do every time. (ex. I need to eat around the center spot when it comes to cake. When I build a house of cards, every card has to be straight. When I get in the car, I always have to put my seat belt on after I move my seat up. *Some people don’t do that*)
3. I do not need to do “rituals” before i do anything else. (Ex. My mother has OCD. Her ritual is that, before we get into the car, she needs to turn the house doorknob three times.)
4. If you don’t do any of the things that I do, o-fucking-kay with me.
1. I am not always sad!
2. I do not always want to kill myself.
3. I do not “rain” on anybody’s parade if I’m having an episode.
4. It’s not always going to be visible to those that I meet. I usually am noticed as depressed when I write.
5. I DO FUCKING SMILE. A LOT. Why? Because I make me laugh. c:
6. I do not always write suicide notes or cut myself.
7. Depression comes out of me in the form of anger or silence. *BE WARNED*
1. I’m not scared of EVERY LITTLE THING.
2. Most of the things I’m scared of are always made up in my head.
3. I get paranoid over small things. SOMETIMES. (Ex. I thought my boyfriend was flirting with other girls when he never was.)
4. Some scary things are fun. (Ex. I’m scared of “ghosts” but I love to study the paranormal.)
5. If someone tries to scare me after hearing that I have this disorder, they will get punched in the face/ kicked in the dick.
*First of all: it’s Schizo-“effective”, NOT Schizophrenia. There IS a difference.*
1. I do not hear voices ALL the time. I don’t.
2. When I do hear the voices, I am not told to “murder my family in the name of the great lord satan then eat their flesh”. Ew. No.
3. The voices come periodically.
4. The only person the voices are aiming to kill. Is me. Everyone else is safe.
5. They speak to me in friendly tones but whisper harsh words.
6. Just because I hear “voices” and call it “they”, does not mean I communicate with them. I just need a way to tell people that these voices are REAL.
7. I am NOT crazy.
I don’t even know how to do this one. Let’s just say that I do not always have panic attacks. There.
**Now, for my sexuality**
I AM BISEXUAL.
1. I do not want to “fuck” every boy/girl that I see.
2. Just because you are a male/female does not mean that I want to date you.
3. Just because someone is an ATTRACTIVE female/male does not mean that I would date them.
4. I basically roll on personality.
5. I HAVE KISSED GIRLS. AND I DID LIKE IT.
6. I HAVE KISSED BOYS. AND I LIKED IT.
7. I am not the type of person to have a boyfriend AND a girlfriend at the same time. That’s totally immoral….nuh uh. No way Jose.
8. I do not particularly like vaginas.
9. I do not particularly like penises either.
10. I date boys and girls but I’m always faithful to the person I’m dating at that time.
11. After we break up (IF we break up) I will still be friends with said person.
1. Means that I am CURIOUS about being a male. I will not go through with the procedure.
2. I do not cross dress as a male everyday. (I will someday.)
3. I do not practice binding. (For those of you that do not know, it’s when a female wraps a binding cloth around her breasts to press them flat so it will look like the chest of a male.)
4. I will not walk into men’s restrooms for the hell of it. (I heard they stink.)
5. I do not pee standing up. (Still a female here.)
6. I will act like a male and speak as one whenever I want to.
7. My male identity is not my name. My male name is “Alexander”.
8. I will not keep being trans-curious a secret from my family or boyfriend. Nope.
Oh, and just because I have all these things that are “wrong” with me, does not mean they are contagious. I love to make people smile and have fun although I may be suffering from, let’s say…a panic attack at the time. I won’t start screaming or go into the corner and cry, I will suggest that me and my friends do something fun together to keep my mind off of it. If I’m suffering from a schizo-effective breakdown, I will not go into fetal position and start saying, “The voices are speaking to me.” That’s so cliche. I will write down what the voices are saying in a journal and go back to normality in, at least, five or ten minutes. So, yeah, I’m not some lump of depressed, suicidal, flesh. I’m a strong person with a love for fun and laughter. I just ended up with all these different disorders. I never asked for them. I love having and making friends, I’m in love with my boyfriend and he with me, and I will ALWAYS love my family (no matter how hard it seems).