For general topics related to the site.
It’s hard to work hard when you know no matter how much effort you put in to changing yourself … You will never be worth any thing due to things you can’t change^^
A Rose for You
When I paint it is the closest I get to feeling free.Â
What if I told you black people deep down dislike there traits
What if I told you black people hate there hair
What if I told you black people hair there skin
What if I told you black girls hate there height
What if I told you that some black people can’t stand the mirror
What if I told you nobody truly like black people
What if I told you being black sucks
^^ kinda makes me want all darkly color people whipped out of this world… Just for the fact of how much hate would be one there head …. If not by the world…. […]
is it weird to be thinking about music at my funeral? don’t know where this came from but i decided i wanted ” the sound of silence” old or new version played at my funeral. don’t know where this idea came from. i want to express my sorrow for those people who died in the psych hospital fire in russia. by pure chance i am a “nutjob” in a first world country. some of the russian patients died in their beds. sedated. sick.
>I feel like I’m done , Rejected without saying anything , Unaccepted , afraid if i show this side of my it’ll all be over,I built up too much of a wall  ; I can’t fucking do this anymore , keeping everything about myself to myself , emotions,actions,words , thoughts everything  ; I try to make others happy yet most never seem satisfied  ; Just someone … ;
“When all I want is for you to see
The side that I don’t show to anyone
In fear that they may turn and run
Alone and incomplete
No more tears to cry
No more blood to bleed”
http://youtu.be/PGyaWKp4Szc
A couple of years ago i was classed as clinically depressed, they thought i was schizophrenic and i have been trying to end my life for about two years now, all attempts have failed for one reason or another.
In the last 12 months i have had to deal with 3 close friends and a close familiar dying, with me not being allowed to attend 2 of the funerals. All of that is on top of me not having slept a full night in over a year as I’m plagued by nightmares every single night.
After the last one i vowed to try and get […]
So… I been depressed for as long as I can rember. I tried sudicid once and been thinking about it daily four four years now. I am sick of it , this year I have been trying really hard to destory my will to died, will my want to die grows stronger…..but ^^ I think I found something that won’t be deeply affected by my depression…….the awnser is …… manga…. Anime…..cosplay….and coustums…(even thougth I am black and can’t turly cosplay)……but mostly Mangas and anime…… I want to live to work really hard to have a great collection….. I hope to get an apartment where I […]
Some nights when I am having a hard time falling asleep, I finally get there and I awake suddenly. Â In that split second when I open my eyes in the dark of my room in the middle of the night I feel like I have seen and felt death. Â I feel its nothingness, I see it’s darkness. Â It scares me and I notice my heart is pounding and I remain spooked for several minutes before finally sleeping, like a baby.
Yesterday I went for a walk, somehow I felt a little better. I saw some horses and watched them for awhile. Walked in the rain, but it felt good, at least it made me feel. But last night I looked on the internet and there is so much – so much of the opposite of what I’ve always thought was beautiful. Gentleness, tenderness, sweetness, paintings that move you deep inside, someone that would help a neighbor, little children being allowed to be innocent, dreams, words that carry weight, words that mean something. I start to think I wish something had happened to me awhile ago, […]
Today, I turned 18 years old.
On my 16th birthday, after crying myself to sleep, I vowed to never cry over my family again. Instead of focusing on all of the things that were destroying me, I focused on the diet I had started about 10 days prior. It took control of my entire life. By July I weighed less than 100 pounds, my bones stuck out, but I still wanted to be skinnier. I rarely ate, but when I did, I made sure to throw it up.
I started recovering last summer, June 2012. It went well for awhile, but once school started back […]
“Just a few more weary days and then, I’ll fly away.
To a land where joy shall never end, I’ll fly away.
I’ll fly away, O Glory, Â I’ll fly away. (In the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, bye and bye, I’ll fly away.”
“What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt”
Well that’s about it, I hurt everyone who ever gets close to me, maybe I should just stay away from people and save them the pain, I’ve pretty much fucked my life up already and I don’t know what I can do to change it. I hate myself, I hate my life and what I’ve done, I just hate myself.
Isn’t it ironic? A young adult takes his life and his entire community is shocked, startled…sorry. The social media sites will be flooded with posts, somewhere along the lines of “RIP *insert name here* – you were loved and will be missed dearly”. Why does no one bother telling him that before it was too late? Why do people only start to care when the last breath struck his body? Some will answer: because they didn’t know. So what? Does a person need to be openly suicidal, in order to receive some love and affection? When did it become a heroic deed to remind the […]
Today has been better than yesterday was for her. No yelling, no fighting, no hurtful words were propelled at her.
Last night was rough on her. She had to meet her regulars, some nice, some not so much. There was always those men who were very aggressive and since they were paying they felt entitled to anything they wanted. The girl would stop arguing after the first hit, she would stop resisting and let herself float into subspace waiting till it was over. The girl would awaken with noticeably black bruises up and down her arms, her neck, and down her legs.
She is afraid to go home, she […]
I feel so tired. Like I’ve lived my life too fast.
If anyone has read my previous posts, you’d know that I’m not really here for affirmation or advice to deal with a boyfriend, family troubles, friends, etc. I’m here to maximize my chance for a successful end, and I hope to find those who are able to give me advice on that end.
I have planned to leave by summer but am struggling to clean everything, put my affairs in order, etc. This is a must. I believe in a well-planned out suicide, so there will be no such thing as a short “crisis moment” or a poor decision based on a situational crisis. I need […]
i need my dad to be here for me i dont need him shouting at me…… this shit… to much lost fath…… if ther is a god he gave up on me 16 years ago…. when i was born
love you xxxxxxxxxxxx
I am completely broken down. I don’t want to suffer anymore, I can’t go through this alone, yet you are not here. You’re gone…. Why did you leave my side at a time like this?
I don’t want to go through this anymore. Fuck.
Why do I waste my tears for him. He’s leaving I feel like I can’t live without him. When I see his blue eyes I feel happy. Â He saved my life twice I really don’t deserve to tell him I love him. I started drinking again.. Â I still can’t forget or make the pain go away. I should of told him not to go but that would be selfish. I’m tired of feeling so sad.
Im Back. Life became busy and tore me away from this place. Hope everyone is doing well. Recently in the month of February I have this weird high going. For an entire month I was okay. I didnt feel any sadness and If i did it only lasted for a moment. Does anyone know why that happened? Another interesting thing. Those voices. I hear them every week instead of every month or so. Â They dont bother me. They hardly talk to me. And when they do, its a simple hello. Kinda funny actually. There is my little update.Â