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We have this place where we can scream that we want to die, or cut, etc without the fear of being rattled out. There’s no other place/person like this in my life.
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I’m a piece of shit. I talked to an ex boyfriend via text for a month and didn’t tell my husband. He found out and now he has moved out to straighten things out in his head. He says he wants to work on getting back together but I can’t stand the pain of him being gone. Of him not holding or kissing me. It hurts and all I want to do is die. I have no one to talk to and I feel hopeless I don’t know what to do. It hurts so bad I just want to take a bottle of Ativan and […]
Heh,so I guess I really just wanted to say goodbye I guess, haha!
I guess it might be my “last cry for help” or something like that…?
Anyways, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest that I’m really leaving.
I’m scum and this is what I deserve, I had friends that helped me through thick and thin, but I couldn’t get over being depressed… I ruined them!
Mmmmm… I hope they don’t find out what I do, but at the same time I do?
It hurt like hell to detach from them and… after they stopped me from my last attempt they either know I can’t […]
The drive and the will have already been established. The only thing that remains now is to write out the truth and buy a gun. As soon as I get a place of my own, I can basically consider the both of those done and done. Funny… I never thought I would come back to this point, but never say “never,” I guess? To have dreams and ambitions wasn’t enough, I guess. At any rate, it’s good that I finally found out why I’ve been alone so long. The answer was right in front of me. Why now? Why couldn’t it have been sooner?
I wish I lived in a world […]
I am someone you may not understand,
I am someone you may or may not know.
I am someone who cares too much.
I am someone who thinks too much.
Talks too much.
Talks too little.
Thinks too loud.
I am beautiful.
I am ugly.
IÂ am fat.
I am skinny.
What do you want me to say?
I don’t know what I am
Who I am.
But I am someone.
I am so lost… i am a single father 2 kids, their mother is a drug addict and has abandoned them for 3 years march 12th, i have 2 deaf parents so growing up was very hard, to never be able to talk about your feelings to your own mom hurts me alot, i know sign language but its just not the same… i have constant feelings of giving up, when i look at my kids i cry, when i think about my family i cry. i have gone nowhere for my whole life, dropped out at 16 and never made a attempt to be […]
I’m pathetic, with my tired eyes and my tangle hair. I just can’t even make myself try anymore. I can’t talk to my friends anymore because I’m afraid that I will break down. I can barely get myself to eat because I see no point. I’m failing school because I gave up. I just want to fall asleep and never wake. But not really asleep because sometimes my dreams are worse then reality. I can’t stand people to touch me, the very feeling of them against make my head pound and me want to throw up. My skin is always crawling and I just want […]
I used to be so sure! Now I’m sitting here crying because you wont listen! You don’t care! I WANT IT TO GO AWAY! LISTEN TO ME! PLEASE! I! AM! BEGGING! YOU! I don’t know how to get through! I am despreat! I called! You didn’t answer! Please! I love you! I’ve never been so scared! I don’t know what to do! Please read this! PLEASE!
I’m an attention whore because i hate to be ignored? Because i strive to have you smile at me, to talk to me, to laugh with me? I’M SORRY that i’m loud. You may call me obnoxious, but how else will you notice me if i don’t try…
Its ok—- oh god im freaking out.. what just happened what do i do..
Im fine—- i wish i could tell you that something is horribly wrong, but i know youre probably going through worse so my pain is nothing compared to yours
It doesnt matter—- as long as youre happy… ill do what i can.
its nothing—- i feel like im going to die
ha…—-that was so awkward.. wtf did i just do..
oh…—- thats ok.. do what you want.. i cant stop you.
hello?…—- please talk to me.. my parents hate me.. i have no friends.. youre here so will you at least pay attention to me?
Everythings great—- its […]
It’s been nearly a year since you made your departure from this world. Regardless of what anyone else tries to convince me, I know that I am to blame for that. You are the mother of my child, inspiration to the world, my lover, and my best friend. I’ve just a few more things I need to take care of before this bleak existence of mine draws to an end.
Rest easy, my love.
I’ll see you soon.
-Sean
Hello darkness, my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again
because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seed while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
still remains
Within the sound…..of silence.
I have decided to end it all. Almost a year and a half ago my youngest son cut me out of his life because his girlfriend didnt like the choices I made about my business. They wont talk to me nor will they allow me to see my grandchildren. They have always been close to me til now. They have lived next door to us for over 5 years until this conflict. My grandson is only 7 so untill the estrangement he always was next door. I now have a grand daughter that I dont even know or would even recongnize if I did see […]
Actually I don’t want to know why. I don’t want to know why I feel the way I do. I don’t want to understand my depression. I just want it all to be gone. Suicide, for me, is unrealistic. Only because I don’t have the guts and I’m just too afraid of the pain. I constantly tell this to myself because I know it’s true that I won’t kill myself. But I want to, I just can’t. I’m trying to stay in the present, and I’m trying to think about now and not about the future and not about the past. But the past and […]
Do you ever think about if you were to kill yourself who all would blame themselves for your death? Like if your bestfriend blamed themselves because they didn’t take you serious enough or your ex would blame themselves because they broke your heart and weren’t there when you needed them the most to because you were taken advantage of in your sleep? Or the girl/boy you like would blame themselves for saying hurtful things to you? Or your mom/dad would blame themselves because they make you feel guilty for everything you do?
my life is a complete strugle.i get blamed for stuff i didnt do. i live with my mom and shes truning into my step dad. i hate him for what he did to me and everyone else who lived with me when i was a kid..so im sitten here bout to burst into tears, wish that maybe just maybe everything would just end…this pain will stop that if i go to sleep i wont ever have to wake up ever again. Â :'(
Im commiting suicide or attempting again.. when i was 14 i tryed with pills.. but got my stomatch pumped b4 i could die.. damn.. i tryed again last year but dont really have the balls to hang.. but im almost completed all my business that i had to b4 i can attempt again… im thinking october.. middle month.. damn.. if only my gun wasnt stolen then i would have died last year.. anyway im not scared of death.. i accually look forward to it.. but this i am sure of is my last year.. people in this fucking work are psycho!!
This is kind of long….
The longer I sit here the more I think about not posting this, returning to my dark corner of existence, but posting will relieve some of this pressure… I hope. I don’t know why I chose now to share my story, but then again maybe I do. For my degree I have to take a mandatory counseling class, and to pass the class we were made to stand in front of the entire class and tell about how screwed up our lives had been. Loss. Heartbreak. Rape. Molestation. Abuse. Suicide. We heard it all. Having to go through my own personal […]
I stopped taking my meds.By the end of the month i will have enough.I just hope i get the courage to go all the way.In the past ive been scared and gotten help.dont know why i keep doing that?although im pretty sure theyd let me bleed to death at the hospital.Ive been there to many times for them to care.I remember taking my psych meds and i almost suffocated.Funny how just when your dying instinct kicks in and you fight to live.Damn i wish i could stop doing this already.But the crazy side of me just wants to keep trying.Who knows if ill die this […]
It’s weird. Â We all or most of us can remember a time when we were happy. Back when we were all children. As we grew we noticed how fucked up the world really is. Â The paths we choose are permanent, sometimes we don’t even get to choose which path to walk through, we are given certain paths by force with no choice but to walk… at times these paths will lead you to crossroads and other times it will lead to ruin with no possibility of change. Yet at times i wonder if this is all real. This all feels too horrifying to be true.