General

thwak here that thas life punching you in the face

“shut the fuck up”

thwak there it gos agen

“i dont know why  i lison to you”

you a pece of shit yu know that right

“shut up shut up shut up”

i know you can here me

“if i diyd know one woud care woud thay even if i did it right in front of them”

yer pritey much

“i wasunt talking to you”

yes you were

“thats it”

bang

the blood spredsin a pool on the floor flowing from the boy with a hole in his belley gasping for air slowly as the blood gerguls up from his moth he gos still flying he dosunt here […]

So today was it. Today was the final nail in the coffin. Every reason to stay alive has gone. I’m now a free person in a way.

On January 3rd I met someone who was beyond words to me. I met the most beautiful person I have ever known. After falling in love together, she attempted suicide 5 days afterwards, at 5:09am, and I was sat there, emailing her as she slipped away. Later that day I was emailed by her account. It was her mother. The mother blamed me for it all. I understand why she did, she loved her daughter, because she cares […]

I’m beginning to grow tired of this vicious cycle. I meet a nice girl that I like, we get to know each other, I ask her out, she says no. Rinse and repeat. I’ve been depressed for three years. There have been points where it goes away, but it always returns. I don’t even see the point anymore, really. I’ve lost all interest in everything I used to love: philosophy, video games, film, music. Even weed doesn’t make me feel good anymore. Don’t think about giving me the “it’s bad for you” lecture, either. If it were really that bad, why would it be used […]

I really need someone

This is one of the worst days I’ve had in a while. My mom dragged me to church by lying that my aunt was sick and that I needed to babysit my cousin when I got there a pastor came there and it basically felt like everyone was staring at me I don’t mean to seem paranoid and it felt like an intervention. I don’t know why she makes me feel like such a problem child this is the second time this has happened I did try getting help and even went to a social worker at my school but she wasn’t […]

So…

I was on this site about a year ago. I had rigged together 2 helium tanks, complete with a home-made flow-control option for the gas and a home-made exit bag. I used the first tank to test the gas flow and the integrity of the bag, got in a chair and put the bag on top of my head, with all the air compressed out of it. Around my wrists were some comfortable leather restraints, with a small metal locking device that could be easily clicked into place. I had bought these to restrain my hands after pulling down the exit bag, so as not […]

I constantly cry all of the time, me and my boyfriend are slowly growing apart I love him so much he is everything I am living for I have nothing else I have no family or friends I just want to run away and die in a ditch somewhere .. Anywhere .. I don’t care everyone is better without me I am use to anyone I’m a fuck up I just don’t care what happens to me anymore why can’t there just be one person in this world that will listen to how I feel and not laugh at me or call me names

I can’t believe I’m still here. The first time, I was stupid. I took the right stuff, and I should have died, but I wanted to hear his voice one last time, so I called him, and he called the police. Stupid me.

The second time – I meant it. I took so much stuff – 90 days of clonidine .2, 30 days of inderol, 30 days of ativan, about 45 days of atenolol, and an entire extra-sized bottle of benadryl. I woke the next morning on my own. Not that I got off without damage – I kept […]

tonight i will die,  all is set, pills kicking in now just need to take  an other 20 or so,,,,, exitbags at the ready the i am off for the long sleep

ive been able to hide it pretty well.

tonight though the blotters were just too enticing.

captain morgan was just begging for some lip service.

i didnt smoke. Save Mary! ive got the will power not to!

i hadnt cut myself since i was in high school.

i tried using a dull multi-tool.

useless.

the razors gleamed in my mind; where were they?

theyre a little rusty–then again so am i.

my left arm and shoulder are all puffy from the crappy multi-“tool”.

the razors skim across my skin like an ice skater.

i can see my skin finally breathing as i cut across my chest.

it just needed fresh air–oxidation–which the razors provided perfectly.

i couldnt feel […]

i just want it to all go away. everything. all the hurt. all the anger. all the worries. all the depression. all the harmful thoughts. all the hatred. all the repressed feelings. all the tears. all the anxiety. everything. to just disappear from my life. im so sick of it. im sick and tired of it. and the worst part is, nothing is helping. talking about it doesn’t help. going to my counselor doesn’t help. taking anti-depressant medication doesn’t help. praying doesn’t help. sleeping it off doesn’t help. harming myself doesn’t help. starving myself doesn’t help. crying doesn’t help. nothing. i just wish it would all go […]

My mother and father are disappointed. I am definitely more of a disgrace to them now then I was before. I might not be graduating with my class or going to my senior prom. I’ve come to realize I don’t really care. I have all this pressure on me to go to prom, graduate, do what everyone tells you to do. But please tell me when I get to do what I want; what I think is best for me?! I sit in my room and cry and cry blaming myself for what’s going on. I’ve been this way ever since I’ve entered high school. […]

Earlier this week, I said that I was going to be planning my suicide for July, however, I have decided to postpone it until I can do it… “naturally”… So until I can find or buy what I need, I’ll just have to live.

“…When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.”

I don’t know what it is about me, but I can have a wonderfully fun day with really wonderful friends and still feel so empty inside. I come back, and I still feel like shit, like I’m nothing. I don’t understand why I can’t just stay happy and excited. I just fall into a pit for no reason. Like, I just feel so worthless. Part of it, I think, is that I spend all this time with these great people, but they have no idea that I struggle with so much on […]

I don’t want to kill myself tonight (step up from the norm) but I don’t want to be here either. Hmm. Moved on form anguished suicidal to impassioned and unafraid of death, if not still a little eager to meet the Reaper.