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Sometimes I wish I could just blow the world away, just take a gun…. hell i could take my dads and just go to school…. maybe then people would start to notice me more….. but i won’t, it’s that damn fear… it haunts me, i will never leave me or allow me to do what i want to do…. with out this damn fear…. oh the way I would end it… just end it…. take me new friend and end it….
I guess I should talk about when this all started. Everything started after I moved back in with my mom my freshman year of college. I started getting depressed. It wasn’t bad…I was still able to go to school and work hard. There were more good days than bad. It only got worse as time went on. I began to hate everything, school, work, my family. Today, 5 years later I’m flunking out of college and all I can think about is killing myself. To me there is no other option. My life is going no where and I’ve become a burden on my family.
Everyday […]
everyone on here has like a depressing story, thier family abandoned them they got hurt no one cares about them but i dont seem to have any of this in my life.
over the past week everyone and thier dog has been asking me whats wrong and all this, i guess i cant let go of my past and its killing my future the past decisions i’ve made are dooming me every time i think of one its killing mah brain
but its weird like ill be depressed at like random times than be laughing my ass off at other points i think i snapped finally. 2 […]
I had been scraping with a knife until I bleed (scrapes the size of a cell phone) for a few months now, on and off. I had stopped for about 3 months when school started, I had gotten a job as well. I’m 19, and in college. About 2 weeks ago, I left the country for a wedding; while I was there, I was surrounded by maybe 30 people who were around me literally 20 hours of the day (except while I was asleep for 4 hours a day). Now I’m back in my own country, away from all of my family, except for my […]
I need somewhere to begin again.. A completely new journal to rewrite my life in. The saying with the hitting rock bottom? I don’t believe some of us have a bottom.. It seems pretty endless for me. I don’t know about the rest of you. I guess I’m unfortunate but then why am I not fortunate? So does fortune really make up your bottom less Pit? Maybe some of you feel like you are on rock bottom.. Your already in your pit. Now it’s time to climb. No where to go but up right? Which most of us on here are sad in some form. […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
~ The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams
so this is the first time i have ever shared this poem, i wrote it today. its kinda suicidal.
goodbye?
its come to the day
where i cannot stay
do you care if i cry
do you even care if i die?
the date is set
but am i happy yet?
the time will come
for me to run
ditch the pain tears and suffering.
i have the plan i have it all her
now i cant stand to shed a tear,
i will be gone
and nothing shall go wrong.
im angry but sad
and its driving me […]
To the point where I can’t cry I don’t have any emotion really. Sometimes I want to be mad at god but it’s what I’ve done but I don’t know..the only thing that makes me feel okay is alcohol and sex .
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’ve been struggling with depression for a very long time. Â Recently I started to think more about suicide than I ever have before. Â It is almost an ceaseless obsession. Â I don’t have any desire to do it, I just can’t shake the thoughts. Â I felt so unusual, and have not dared to express any of these thoughts out loud. Â I started researching suicide more… usually when I get fixated on something I try to learn as much as I can about it. Â The more understanding I have the more control I feel I have over whatever it is.
From reading this site, and reading a collection […]
I have decided to sign up for the actual site. After several months on chat, hopefully the main site will prove to be less dramatic than the chat.
I dream of death- I long for death.. I want death but I can’t bring myself to kill myself. I dont have a sob feel-sorry for me-story, but I have a million reasons why I want to die- and they are my own. I dont need to justify it to any of you to know that it is what I want. I hate the feeling of – feeling. Of being here.. with you- you, who are reading this, judging me, empathizing, pretending to have sympathy or some kind of connection.. you make me sick, you sadistic fuck.
I make me sick. I am angry- at myself, […]
Catherine u are my best friend and i will never happen that i will forget you and ur mysterious ways of sneaking into my mind. Your the red supernova of the sky, a terror to evil, a solution to the revolution. You came into my heart by understanding when i had Fire in my Mind. U were the wink that made me see the morning light and the light in the dark. You are part of the fine women in the audience. When i see by my side i know its ok and I hope u feel the same cause if u needed a Heart, Hit me […]
Well it’s that time again… But there is way too much going on in my head .. I am physically and mental and emotionally done. Now I’m throwing up ..  More and more Just keeps happening and my body aches of soreness andmy skin feels tense  and raw
Today was just a very depressing day for me. I woke up around 1pm and basically spent the day crying and feeling bad and thinking of suicide. Last night was seemingly perfect. I went on a hayride with all my marching band friends, we had a great time. We sang our field show, ate smores and hung around the campfire. It was perfect until one incident. Amazing how one thing can ruin your whole day/night. Well, here’s what happened. So before we got on the tractor i was standing waiting with my friends and we were playfully stealing each other’s hats (knit winter type hats). […]
Hello, my name is nicholas But u could call me Nick. Im in love i really am i never felt like this about a person in my life. Her name is Catherine and shes just amazing…….BUT there’s a problem she said”That were Best-Friends”and im 15 but shes 16 and idk wat to do I Love her and she knows i have feelings for her but what she dosnt know is that those Feelings are Extremally Strong. I wish i knew wat i should do but the world feels so Awkward. When im with Catherine i get that feeling like butterfly’s are swarming in ur stomach and i just wanna hug her nd never […]
I am devastated while i read this blog. I just lost my brother last week. He was only 39 a great guy and a musician. I am 34… He took his life and I cannot find the answer to all my question. He was depressed. I helped him to go to therapy and he even was on medication. My pain is extreme … My feelings are mixed up.
He did told me in July he had tried before we even laugh about it. I used to listen to him and give him advice as a friend. I never judge him. I always told him he was […]
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