General

I’m tired of nothing working right for me.

I’m tired of my life being so shitty.

I’m tired of having no one.

I’m tired of forever battling with my emotions and with depression.

And I’m tired of trying.

Broken silence,

Screams of defiance,

screaming again

Crowded inside,

my brain is purged

Of Feeling and Heart,

Submerged

Derailed, defiled, and fragmented

Mistaken as demented,

instead of tormented

Missing pieces,

missing links

Jailed,

I’m frail

in this thinking

Jailed,

I’ve failed

The walls are shrinking.

Can’t run away,

Can’t run towards.

Stuck in silence.

Broken silence.

I stopped caring.

I stopped loving.

I stopped worrying.

I stopped asking.

I stopped playing.

I stopped taking my medication.

I stopped talking to my friends.

I stopped..

I think my friend might be dead.. she send me “prob won’t text back ever sick of this shite bye”..
I’m so fucking worried crying my eyes out.. if I go to school tomorrow and shes not in its goodbye. FINALLY
I am so fucking scared with no way of contacting her.#help
tomorrow will decide my fate.

I wanna hide.

From everyone.

My friends.

My Family.

My enemies.

I wanna hide from the world.

I never wanna show my face again.

I wanna stay in a dark room.

And never come out.

I wanna be alone..forever.

Seeing her today made me realize I like her a lot more than I thought. Shit…  She is just amazing. I remember going to her house and her telling me. Almost in tears  it seemed. Saying ” I really do like you. To be honest I would date you! But I am a *****. You might not think so. And yes I really do like you. But I just don’t want to fuck your life up.” I didn’t say anything. Because I couldn’t.

The day before I went to her house I got a text from her saying ” Ugh. The guy I was hanging out […]

I am losing a fight to a battle that i will never win. I have bipolar and i have been manic for the past couple of months and if you dont know manic means extremely happy. but as you also may know, after mania comes a period of severe depression. I am fighting that off lately. I can feel it creeping on my and its right there within reach of me and i am becoming to tired or fighting to ward it off any longer. I am going to my psychiatrist tomorrow and im going to tell her that ive been feeling really down lately. […]

When everyone gets here, they’re suddenly closet poets?

– You’re a coward. – they say when listening to the compliments of a person who just about to kill herself/himself.
Usually these persons who are trying to be clever are the biggest cowards in the world.
In my eyes suicidals much more braver than anyone else. Starting a fight with the unknown darkness, now that’s something. It’s always easy to say “Life is hard and you have to be tough”. What about death, you idiot? What’s up when you have to face death? I tell you: you will be a f’in rabbit then and will pray for your worthless life. Thats’ you and you’re […]

For no reason in particular. Nothing bad happened to me. It’s just been one of those really down days and i can’t seem to drag myself back up again.

It started out fine. I stayed in my boyfriend’s last night. Got up early, got ready for class, he left for work. Got to class, included myself in some conversations, actually laughed a few times. Then i dunno, all started going downhill i guess. My mood just crashed. Same old same old what am i doing with my life arguement. I’m fed up crying over how i’ve messed my life up. I’m good for nothing. I haven’t […]

My therapist is ‘gone’ for 6 weeks, starting today. I don’t think I can survive without her. I have some serious transference issues with her (and other people before her) and I really miss her. How am I supposed to get through this? I just want to die. I always have. I don’t know why I don’t just do it. Someone please help me.

Its so hard for me to understand how one day one person is the centre of your world and the next day you dont give any fucks about them.

Everything has been a lot harder since you have gone away.

Nice “knowing” you.