General

Dear Old Dad was such a great guy, a cop, a civic leader, a “family man”. Truth is he hated his two daughters. I guess he just didn’t want kids or we just got on his nerves or something. I just remember him being mad all the time, beating us, yelling at us. I was scared to death of him. Once my stepmother and I had some words and I thought he was going to beat me to death, he told me if he had been on his deathbed he would have found a way to slap me. Guess we […]

I wish i had never said anything in the first place. i made it 18 years feeling like crap, like i was unimportant, useless, etc. but i made it.

I have parents that constantly tell me i’m insensitive, that i need to share my feeling, that its not healthy to bottle things up.

but the minute i told them i wasnt happy, that i felt neglected, worthless, etc.

it became, oh your so dramatic, you dont know what your talking about, suicide? dont be stupid.

everytime i work up the courage to talk about it, they just prove me right… that what i have to say and how i […]

I’m 19. I normally bottle everything up and hide it but like i said, i just don’t know what to do anymore.

when i was about 5 or so my mom got in trouble with the government because her and my fathers medical machines were threatening drug companies. My dad agreed to serve her term teaching the air force because she had cancer… she died when i was seven and my dad didn’t even get to be there, neither did i. my grandma pulled the plug and wouldn’t let me say goodbye. Later my grandma sued my dad for custody of me, but when the judge ruled against her she quickly […]

i cannot feel anything unless it is pain. I dont want to live like this. i do not know what to do. I long for death.

I’ve given up on everything.

I had never thought about my depression after getting caught cutting. Until, my friend was curious how I stopped being depressed as much. That night, I gave in, I broke down, I coped, by cutting. The thoughts came back… I am back into my depression. And I’ll prolly never completely get out of depression alive.. So I’ll try to live my life with it. But trust me, I will get meds for my depression someday.

Remember how you got a call on the twenty-fifth of the month of may? Yeah, you do? Well how come you don’t give a fuck anymore? You said how, cuttings very bad, you and the school counsler, nurse, principal, social worker, and everyone told me the same thing. Does it seem like I cared? Because I sure as hell know you don’t care anymore. When you found out you accused me of doing it, “to be cool”, hate to tell you “mom” but I was depressed, and needed a way to cope. I had no one to talk to, you were always yelling at me, […]

The world is full of do gooders who have no concept of pain and suffering but have a total belief in their sense of what is right. They cannot listen to reason because their belief overshadows all. Like someone trapped in their own body paralised and helpless and unable to control their own future however the do gooders will tell that person that their suffering is all part of a great plan and they will achieve salvation, the fact they will have to live in agony for years does not matter, besides the do gooders do not live in agony as every day they condemn […]

Ive decided to close my account. This site hasent helped me, im sorry. Ill miss the niceness and vents, ill miss being able to talk to someone…i hope i can come back some day to vent again.

Bye sp, i may just miss you this much

My bestfriend told me today that he was close to killing himself but instead cut himself. I feel like I’m somehow responsible for it because I too cut. I feel like I almost kind of planted that idea in his head that it is an option because I told him about my cutting. But it makes me feel invisible, like after all I;ve told him about NOT starting and ot never do it because it’s addicting and he does. I want to tell him cutting isn’t good or the right answer, but thats so hypocritical! Like telling someone don;t cut, but it’s okay for me […]

I am in so much pain inside me it is unreal. I never show it but it is just slowly eating away at me. I sit there and claw and cut at my skin. It just makes me feel so much better. It is the only way to make me feel better. When the first drop of blood hits the floor I feel so different.. so much better.. but then it all comes flooding back again. Is this wrong? Is it right? Help me someone. Please.

Hey, i really need to talk to some one.. the only person i have in my life who cares a little bit is my girlfriend who is also my bestfriend but she is friends with this guy who ive seen her messages to him..they contain messages like “i wish i had someone like you” and ” youre the only person i can talk to”
she says she loves me i dont think she does..i love her more than anything
i brought up these messages to her she said she didnt mean it but idk if shes lying
she stopped talking to him for a week […]

In all honesty I don’t know why I joined this site, I just sat down and typed “such a disappointment” into my browser and some how I got here. And now that I am here I think I have something worth saying. What that is I don’t know yet, but I guess I’m working on it.
I’ve never actually attempted suicide, but I have considered it. I’m sorry if that offends people who have attempted suicide and use this site as a way to voice themselves and their experiences. But just because I haven’t put myself on deaths door step doesn’t mean I havent felt […]

i went to a job interview recently and they asked me to describe myself. i didnt wanna say the cliche so i went in there telling myself to be honest and nothing but.

i choked up at the question cause i had nothing to say. i really dont know who i am. i dont know how to describe myself beside the physical that they can already see. i have no real personality. i dont enjoy doing anything. i dont have any special skills. i’m rice and water. salt & pepper is too exciting

oh, and by the way, i bombed the interview. no job for me

i am annoyed today my mom came home after a 4 day trip for work and i liked it when she was gone i felt safe now with her back home i feel emotionally and physically unsafe just like before she left… any were but at home

I don’t believe in God much these days but it just seems absurd to me that he would forever punish people that commit suicide when I, me just being a relatively “good” person, wouldn’t. What kind of happy heaven is there to be expected then? Only a hypocritical one, where God is just a mother fucker that plays the “all merciful dad”.

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him […]