General

I don’t wanna live, but I don’t want to die. I had a dream last night, a man offered to do a double suicide with me; he takes my life and I take his. But I ran, I thought of the pain and ran. Granted, his offer was swords through the gut but it still makes me think that I don’t actually want to die.

I don’t want to live though either. I don’t want a life to distract from.. I don’t know what. I purposefully shun others because I don’t want to be bothered with other, more exciting lives. What most people consider winning(cash, cars, […]

My english language is my fourth language, so forgive me if the grammar or the words are not correct.
I wanted to share my story, to see if anyone is feels the same like I do.
The thoughts, well, actually more feeling based thoughts, started probably since I was a kid. I grew up with an extremely abusing father, and very poor, in a 3d world country. I didn’t had nothing, but I didn’t wanted nothing either (I am talking about nice clothes or toys) all the way till today, when I am almost 29 years of age. Throughout my life it seems I […]

My life isn’t terrible.  In fact, I should be quite happy.  No intense pressures, people who love me, I’ve done well for myself and escaped a dysfunctional family.

But the suicidal thoughts are never far away.  When I am driving I think about not responding to a curve and letting the car go off the road.  Sometimes I find myself in front of the medicine cabinet staring at the bottles.  I think of guns and imagine myself pulling the trigger.  I’ve recently started hitting myself.

I never think about what it would be like for those left behind.

I’m not afraid of dying.  I don’t believe in an […]

Counted Calories.Anorexic/Bulimic
Tribal Glory.
Empty Yet Full Stomach.
Passing Time
Heated Water
Legacy Of Insane/Sane
Being this Way has become sane to me.Therefore while in depression mood I am not depressed just sane.And when suicidual I am sane.Tell the doctors I am sane.They just can’t see throughout my eyes They Are Insane!Tell them about the feeling,The hype,The sad joy,And the bitter sweet pain.I want to be sane.Why would you turn me insane?So I could be robotic and dull like the “Normal”People of this damned world?I haven’t time for myself or any of you”Normals”

I’ve takin’ all of the wonderful advice everyone has givin’ me and I’m doing soo much better. Thank you guys 🙂

Everyone thinks that when you contemplate suicide its something that just sparked inside or maybe even short fused in your head for a split second and it was the first time, the moment will fade and the time will pass and all will be pink colored roses right? WRONG.  The first time I contemplated suicide I was 12, family life at home was not the greatest.  I was the oldest but the black sheep of the family so getting the short end of the stick and being shunned by my mother and step father was done on a regular basis.  Who could blame her though.  I found […]

Have you ever had someone capture everything about you in a single word? As if that person could sum up your whole existence with a one word description? That recently happened to me when my girlfriend called me SELFISH.

I am a divorced father of 3 beautiful children and I have another child with the aforementioned girlfriend. For reasons I do not wish to go into yet, I want to kill myself. For lack of a better expression, I have reached the end of my rope. I no longer see a future with any sort of happiness and the day to day survival is breaking me […]

on the way to hell you see and think about a lot but its so little. the bodies I’ve held in my arms. the rotten corpses congealing beside my  bed. to much death to recognize a solid good life. the good life i know is that its good that their life is so bad. the good i don’t know anything about or if it really exists. lemon grass republic is the new band in heaven. lets hear the proper life. dodo doo doo la la la. bad life ahead folks. in for a treat. got a joke for you. if you had only three seconds […]

Dear Eleanor,

For a moment I was scared. For a moment, there, when I realized that I had been taking sugar pills for two days and there was no sign at all of  the usual monthly pain, I was terrified that I’d managed to get pregnant again, after I’d proved myself the worst of mothers the first time around. I stood in the shower and cried – I sat on the floor and let the water hit me, it was too hot, too real, but I sat there, and sobbed, and I didn’t even hear him come home, until he was in the bathroom, saying, “Darling, […]

I’m sorry that he had to tell you,
That you had to hear it from him
And I’m sorry that you called me up
And I confirmed those words again

I’m sorry that I lied
I didn’t spend those nights alone
I was scared, oh so scared
And everything seemed so cold

Have you ever seen the sunset from my window?
Have you ever felt the cold lonely pain?
Have you ever lived the life of a twenty-one year old girl…
I guess not, how could you understand

Well I’ll walk home alone tonight
Along a dusty, back dirt lane
Those flashing headlights will always tempt me
A […]

im not sure if i want to end my life or not. i have nothing good going on and find myself feeling worse and worse everyday. i have friends, or even people in my life that i talk to . not friends. i have no one who i can tell these feelings too. the friends i do have are fake. they say nasty things about me and then tell me its all in my head and im going insane. this doesnt help. its even started happenin at the place were i work because everyone knows each other. i want to cause myself harm so people know […]

I have no reason to live, yet no reason to die.
why can’t i just be invisible

why am I trying to look perfect if I’m going to kill myself anyway?
It just constant battles with myself, the only way to end this war is to surrender.

I want to die.  I use to be suicidal, I’ve never quite stopped being suicidal but I haven’t had quite so many attempts in the past 10 years.

I think about it routinely.   If I had a better way of doing it I may already be gone by now.  I have someone who watches me closely.  I don’t have the opportunity to do a lot if I wanted to.  Fuck these safety nets. Someone cut them.

By this time I have done my research.  I have had my share of failed attempts.  Next time, what doesn’t kill me is going to leave me maimed for the rest of my life.

I feel […]

I know many of you may not want to hear this but trust me, I am in the same boat as all of you I have been wanting to kill myself for a couple years now and lately that is all I can ever think about.

I do go to church and believe in God but in no way am I the perfect Christian or in the position to tell others about God or how to live a holy life. I’ve had my doubts about God and despite believing, I still feel depressed everyday. I’m not here to tell anybody to turn to God or anything […]