I did this, you can too.
When I look in the mirror, I am disgusted with the person I see staring back.
Category:
I Will Survive
I can’t stop the feeling i’ve been hiding like almost a year. Is haunting me again; i thought it was in the past. But i was lying to myself, even tho everyday i think about it for a minute, is part of my everyday memories and feelings; Â it comes back at night like a nightmare. I can’t control it, maybe is a sign that, it still remains to let me know that it’s not dead at all. That i can still save it. Save us. It won’t leave my head. That’s why i stay here.
My friend moved on yesterday. Helium. Wish it hadn’t worked. Dammit. Of course he would be clever enough the first time. No problem. Genius. Reminded me of my failed attempt. It was a long time ago. I had no perspective. Didn’t believe anyone else could understand. Not really. But now I understand. Really. He didn’t know that. Couldn’t have. I don’t share. Why would I. Why wouldn’t I. So here I am. Sharing.
I know I’ve had a lot of posts as of late and they’ve been all covering the same thing. I don’t think I’ve fully been able to get out of my chest what I need to get out so I’m gonna try again. My life is turning upside down as of late…What I mean by that, is that the life I kno now is changing and its changing dramatically…and I am soooo excited about it, but scared….also I’m also frustrated that I can’t have things happen sooner. I am very impatient. This life altering change means that I will be leaving the only life I’ve […]
I feel like given up, i won’t fight anymore. I’m drowning. But somehow, i’m still here; and i don’t fucking know what is pulling me out of the sea.
This has been one of the worst days I’ve had in a long time. I feel alone, sad and depressed. Just when I get my hopes up for something good to happen, it’s dashed from me as quickly as the idea was thought of. I thought my luck was changing…I thought God was finally showing me mercy…I thought…I thought a lotta things. The prayer I prayed was so simple. Something that would make me the happiest woman in the world…but I realized just how far away that prayer was. It keeps getting so close I can touch it and then I blink and its farther […]
It’s been how long now? I don’t really remember. But I do know there is some major shit going down at my house.
Specifically, Mom and Dad split up, Mom has a boyfriend, Dad has a fiance, sister’s pregnant and due in about 3 weeks.
Lots of shit.
And then there’s me.
Domino.
Y’know, I’ve been to hell and back with depression and suicide. And I was doing good too. So what the hell happened?
I might as well be clear with you all, at least the people who are going to read this. I’m a gay transboy. Which means a lot of stuff. First, I’m a boy in a girl […]
These past two weeks I’ve had the worst luck ever. Little things have happened that have given me some hope that things will start to get better but as soon as one good thing happens, it’s followed by ten horrible things. I can’t figure out what I’ve done to deserve all of this. I just want to start cutting again. I just don’t want anybody to know or to question me. I just want to sit in the bathroom and cry and cut to release some of this. Cutting has become one of the only ways for me to handle these hardships.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHqo2FDJSU0I feel like nothing is going anywhere… nothing is getting any better. A year ago I moved to my father’s to finally get away from my mother, sister, and my mother’s boyfriend, because they were pushing me to the edge. They’ve always been “there” for me, at things like competitions for band, and driving me to school events… but that is pretty much where it ends.
My mother loves me, and I hate seeing her upset, but when my sister is around, there is always a pointless fight started by her, and I get to the point of just wanting to jump off the […]
I lie in my bed today, scrolling through the writings of other suicidal people… Relating to almost every expression of despair and desperation. I’m literally squirming, as if I think I might be able to wriggle out of my own skin!
MY STORY…
After separating from a long term partner at 30, I had achieved enough that I felt proud of myself and only hoped to find a wonderful partner to start a family with. Fortunately my physical appearance made getting lots of dates easy… But unfortunately my low self worth, flimsy boundaries, niceness, generosity, kindness, etc made selecting a good healthy partner unlikely (I was […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QblFiDd3lSM&feature=youtu.be
please watch it, please.
I want to say that nearly half the males in my family have contemplated suicide at some point in their life. Â For some reason, men are taking their lives at nearly five times the rate of women. Â I have had friends and family disappear, overdose or lose their life. Â I thank God for one who still lives…he became a best friend and between him and some damn good women in my life ,they lead me through the most depressing time of my life. Â I’m not exempt from the statistics of contemplation. Â But when I came out if it, I found my life back on track. […]
You think your days are uneventful,
And no one ever thinks about you;
She goes her own way.
You think your days are ordinary,
And no one ever thinks about you;
But we’re all the same,
And she can hardly breathe without you.
The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places. The day i lost him, I slowly lost myself too. When he died, he took a part of myself. No time for goodbyes. No explanations, no fucking reasons why. If only sorrow could build a staircase, my tears could show the way. I would climb my way to heaven, and bring him home again. I would do anything to bring him back to me. I would do anything to end what i’m going through. I would do anything to bring him back. Because if i got him back, I would get back the friend that I once knew.
I want to say that nearly half the males in my family have contemplated suicide at some point in their life. Â For some reason, men are taking their lives at nearly five times the rate of women. Â I have had friends and family disappear, overdose or lose their life. Â I thank God for one who still lives…he became a best friend and between him and some damn good women in my life ,they lead me through the most depressing time of my life. Â I’m not exempt from the statistics of contemplation. Â But when I came out if it, I found my life back on track. […]
Anyone ever had something terrible done to them? I did. Police, doctors counsellors. Everyone was concerned. I wasn’t. Was I suppose to? I was upset sure, but everyone assumed I was suicidal, depressed, I was crazy, I needed help. Putting words in my mouth. Sure I was depressed I still am and was way before this, and sure I’m suicidal but I’ve been for a long time. This changed nothing. Or I though it didn’t. It was funny the first few months I acted like nothing happened. Everyone was concerned, and I was neutral to the whole thing. It never hit me. But as months […]
Hey if any one wants to chat or something send me an invite on Skype we can video chat or IM it doesn’t matter. My SN is Frosty66686. just mention this site so i know who or where ur coming from. send me an invite anytime ill accept it.
My  legs begin to break, i walked this path for far too long, my lungs, they start to ache, but still i’m carry on. I’m choking on my words like i got a noose around my neck. I can’t believe it’s come to this, and i fear, i fear, that the end is near. I fear that the fear is ending tonight.
I fear this is the end, this happens all the time, this happens every day,
But I never seem to quit.
I can’t stop the bleeding, and it’s only getting worse, this happens all the time
This happens every day
But I never seem to quit.
Only the dead have […]
The times u feel when ur heart is shattered and ur soul is dark when ur mind roams trying to find answers on why does this happen to me why is this world so cruel I just don’t understand anymore the time I feel down the times when I wanna be alone are to clear my mind and forget everything to life the. Pain from each word said by people to me The feeling of emptyness inside ur heart hurts everytime I cry it’s a peace of me getting wasted away everytime I’m sad I’m always hurt my heart is always hurt the ways that […]
Every day i live is an endless cycle of misery and pain , the only shit that keeps me from killing myself are my freinds….. my fake freinds that dont give a fuck about me. I dont know how much longer i can keep from killing myself.  The only things that help me get thru life are drugs and cutting myself. My blade is my last real Freind