For your poems.
Someone once told me that since I am the oldest child in my family that pressure and stress comes with the job… He also said “it’s you that has to take the bullet for them” I feel as if I’ve taken the whole clip of a machine gun for them, but as I lay here surrounded by my suicidal thoughts… I cant help but hope that one day someone will step up and take the bullet for me… But by the looks of things that’s not in the near future anytime soon…..
I’m keeping all these feelings locked up inside of me, and they are beginning to eat at my soul, inside I feel like my heart has turned into a black hole sucking every ounce of happiness I can manage to obtain. The smile I wear each day is as fake as each person that says they care for me. I’m looking to obtain eternal happiness, and the only way it seems like I’m going to get it is in death. Because in life you can’t depend on anyone else but yourself, but what happens when even you give up on yourself.?
Fuck N Die (I wanna) Fuck N Die (We gonna ) Fuck N Die (I’m a Goner)Fuck N Die (I dont wanna live no longer) imma bout to bust inside never before have I felt so alive I can see my life flashing right before my eyes as I slide my hand ever so gently across your thighs you got me feeling all warm and fluffy inside it got you hot,wet and moisturized and for a second you even got me forgetting that I’m wanting to die but I’m sure it will all come back in due time ,until then it’s game time the balls […]
On that day
I felt okay
The best in a while
I could even smile
But then you left
And I was bereft
I watched you go
You didn’t even slow
No explanation
Just pure damnation
All your hatred justified
All my pain and then I cried
The day is near its end.
Blinds are down.
I can’t stand
on my legs.
in this lonely town.
He isn’t here
to wipe my weary tear.
I’m waiting.
Nothing happens.
I’m
run out of tissues,
misused.
Gaze so distantly
Into the night
Walking around
Without a fright
Too much blood
Spills forth from me
Red and crimson
why can’t we be?
You are my love
The only one
Yet you flit away
Like a beautiful dove
When I hear your name
Oh, I don’t know why
I feel all tingly
On the inside
Are we star crossed lovers to be?
Because every single time
That we ever meet
I seem to get coldfeet
Sitting there
In your alcove
You seem so lonely
I wanna hold you close
The cool breeze
Southerly gale
Reminds me
Of where I wanna be
And I think of you
But I don’t know what to do
It chills me to bone
But no one’s around
So I go home
And break
In this shaken twisted world I gradually become transparent unable to be seen. I merely don’t want to hurt you inside of a world that came out of somebody’s imagination so In the end I know I’ll corrupted as I waited for paradise. I know I won’t be the same anymore so remember the way I use to be as who I should be […]
Pickup you tears
The icy gaze
Downwards
The dark staircase
The only candle in the room
Stumble, snuffed out
The Poltergeist
With his wife
To descend?
Alas I can’t leap
I’m just a lonely ghost
A gentle tug
A push
And then a fall
Embracing the Poltergeist
Before I go to hell
I grab his hand
We walk down
Into the mist
I smile into His eyes
The eyes of the Poltergeist
Everything is okay now
I am the asphalt. You drive over me. Barley recognizing my existence. Composed of hard rock and soft tar. What do you see? I have many flaws, many pot holes. Is that all you notice? Still, I get you to work everyday. I suit your needs, your whim. I am around at 3am, when you feel a sudden need for chips and salsa. I am there the next day on your drive to work or the club. All you notice is the divot that inconveniences you. Your tire slamming into it. No harm done, an annoyance at best. You curse at me. Still, I will […]
God is boring . boring God .
why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ?
why God is boring ?
I hate this world . I hate this life . I hate life .
This world is so boring , boring world !
This life is so boring , boring life ! life is boring .
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, […]
Don’t let me die alone /
I feel weakness in every bone/
I worry every second I think of you/
Because I’m so scared I’m not sure what to do/
My heart beats strong for you/
And I always long for you/
Our future can appear so bright/
Ik that doesn’t make it right/
But I will stay true late into every night/
I love you E even as I cry/
I love you E even as I die/
I love you E even as I try/
I will not fail anymore/
Because without you I have nothing to live for/
And your the only one I can adore/
Deep depression isn’t how I want to live/
Major regression isn’t all […]
I’m overwhelmingly afraid of being forgotten.
Don’t ask me how I am.
I don’t know
How could I?
I just am.
Don’t ask me what to do.
If you don’t know
How could I?
You just are.
Don’t ask me why.
None of us know
How could I?
We just are.
Its May 1st 2015, or 5-1-15 (5115).
And so, a palindromic poem:
Baited Breath
Exhale no inhale
Bag over head
I didn’t understand
Questions thoughts, unaddressed
Fear bubbles, darkness decays
Blackness surrounding
Pain in extremities
Gasping controlled
Everything means nothing
Life, abated
——
Abated life
Nothing means everything
Controlled gasping
Extremities in pain
Surrounding blackness
Decays, darkness, bubbles fear
Unadressed thoughts, questions
Understand, didn’t I?
Head over bag
Inhale no exhale
Breath Baited
1
I tried half a teaspoon of Pentobarbital with lemonade today. At first I wondered why it wasn’t working. Then I stood up and I couldn’t walk straight so I got into bed. I woke up 17 hours later (I fell out of bed a couple of times) and I was hungry so I got something to eat. I was still heavily intoxicated and drowsy so I went back to bed.
I dreamed that I lived in a city enclosed by platinum panels forming a dome. Outside was a red, post-apocalyptic wasteland. There was a hole at the top of the dome?the only exit to the city. […]
I need the edge of insanity, to know I’m not crazy.
I want to share the darkest parts of me, be heard and understood.
I crave my death, but will fight for last breaths.
Inside I’m dead, I died when you left.
I can only see my beauty, inside empty hearts.
I need to suffer for my pleasure, I want to suffer for my art.
Are you the one to take me there? Come play loves darkest game.
Mark me with dark bruises, in time they’ll fade away.
Watch me through your windows, while im […]
It’s been about three or four years since I’ve last posted something and in that time I’ve graduated high school, joined the military, got married and subsequently divorced, moved on in my life. I’ve done so many things that I didn’t think I would. So if you think your story ends here, you may be missing out on the best moments that have yet to happen.
Mistakes that haunt you
Not the ones, others expect
You wish they would
But you are alone
Just regret
Sick of girls wanting you
Sick of being alone
Sick of being amazing
Sick of being dull
With you, Primal.
With you, Final.
With you, I thought.
Your line, cast in the water. You feel the tugs, its like you caught something.
Something you wont let go. Only, at the same time, it pulls you in, under. You
don’t even notice.
Somehow you are both breathing, alive in each others worlds. Both cast, both reeled in.
Both caught.
One day, the line snaps. You find yourself shivering, wet, on the shore. You
try to go back, your lungs fill with water. Gasping for air, choking. You
strive, you push on. Darkness surrounds. Red appears in your peripheral.
You see a glimmer in the murkiness. You reach out. They dart away.
Still you stay.
You don’t need air, not […]
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