We wake up each morning- alive. We live, struggle, suffer, fall in love (if we’re lucky), have a bit of fun, suffer a bit more and then die. What’s the point of it all? What’s the point of going through all of this, actually putting in the effort to do all of this when in the end you will die? Why not just kill yourself now? Yes, life might actually get better, but what difference does it make when in the end everything will be taken away from you ? And what happens if life happens to get worse? You stay alive and suffer even […]
Hey guys. I haven’t been on in a while. My life really hasn’t gotten that much better. I did start on an antidepressant, but I feel more suicidal now. I started self harming again. I burn myself a lot. Life just sticks and I hate it.
Ever since middle school I’ve always wanted a bf. Almost every night I would cry because I thought no one would ever love me. When I was 18, my best friend introduce me to a guy. We started emailing each other a lot. I get really bad anxiety but that one day I decided to meet him. He picked me up, all he wanted was sex. He kept pressuring me to do it so I felt like I had to. So I lost my virginity to him. He totally left me after that. I was heart broken and sad again. I met this guy on […]
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As I lay awake at 4 am, I keep thinking and I hate it. My brain rushes with unwanted thoughts. It keeps bringing up everything I’ve ever done wrong in my life. It sometimes gets so bad I just start hitting myself on the head. Sometimes in my head I have this guy I call him Ryan, I imagine him to be a perfect guy. He tells me how ugly I am and that I’m nothing. I also think that I’m on this reality tv show and my made up in my head parents are looking at me watching my every move. Making sure I’m […]
I’ve been meaning to post more often but most of the time I try to keep myself busy and try not to either cut or kill myself. Everyday.
Lately I’ve been feeling really, REALLY lonely and really wanting to find a boyfriend, but with my personality and me being very introverted and shy …. It’s really hard for me to approach really any guy or let any guy approach me … I’m just such a fail idk why I haven’t even attempted once more. Maybe this time it’ll work. Maybe I’ll fuck up myself even more. Who knows?
So my “friend” that I was talking to about my depression misread a text I sent her. Somehow she came to the conclusion that I want to kill my boyfriend. I don’t know how anything I’ve told her could be turned into that. But she called the police and they showed up at my house last night. They asked if I was suicidal and if I was planning on killing my ex-boyfriend and myself. I said no, and they clearly thought that the whole situation was stupid so they joked a little and left. Then my “friend” comes to my door, with her cousin. I […]
I’m a very cheerful person, in fact way too cheerful. I’m intensely outgoing and introverted, it’s hard for me to ever talk without having a smile on my face. I’m notorious among my peers for having a wild sense of humor. Nobody ever believes me when I tell them that I am in fact very depressed, and have been for a very long time. It’s very hard for me to be by myself because I get plagued by feelings of anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Most of the latter due to boredom. I am always bored. It’s something I’ve complained about from a very young age, […]
I had an account on here before, which I started a few months back. A little over a month ago, I had an extremely bad breakdown that lead me to attempt suicide (I had been thinking of it for awhile but many little things pushed me to it). I posted on here to say goodbye to everyone and apologize for wasting their time in reading my posts and trying to help me. I didn’t see any way in my life recovering, since the stack of shit just kept getting bigger and masked the few good things I had left. I was obviously unsuccessful in my […]
Lately, my anxiety has been so bad that even seeing someone else do something that I would find uncomfortable doing gives me an anxiety attack.
Something triggered again.
The world is a scary place, huh?
i just want to go to sleep for a few years and have a nice dream about being a boy.
i just want to be a boy.
i want to wake up and be happy and organized and energetic and peaceful and have a triangular body and a square jaw.
i want to be thin, but i also want to be strong.
i want to be him, and him, and him, and him.
(i want to be her.)
i wish i was beautiful, i wish i was perfect. i wish was my skin was new and pure.
(they’re so lucky, those beautiful people. i hope they know that.)
(i hope they […]
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It’s been so long since I was here for the last time. I’ve met wonderful people and I lost some others. My life has been crazy, so freaking crazy. And now I’m just so full of fear. Life is happening so fast and I am so young. I’m so afraid and so alone. What will I do? So alone, so young, so far away from everyone and the only person I have is myself.I’m overwhelmed by choices. What do I do? How can a child know what to do? So much has changed in so little time. There’s just so much to do that it’s […]
Now what am i to do? Ive had depression and suffered for so long. i’m nearly 50 and w/o all hope. what am i to do? the best i can do is sleep as much as i can to just isolate b/c when i am around others i am always getting hurt. its a pathetic merry-go-round that i can get off of. i can even explain how i fee; and i certainly dont know what to do. sorry i have to exist. just sorry.
I have great ideas that would benefit everyone in my workplace and make things simpler and more efficient, but since I’m “still a newbie” (I haven’t been there over a full year yet, but almost.), all my ideas are dismissed without being heard or even given a fake attempt of appearing interested in hearing them. I get cut off and talked to like I’m stupid. I have a really good point if they would just hear me out to the end. I’m a smart girl with good ideas and I hate being silenced or treated like I’m slow. I can’t move forward with life and gain […]
I just wish I could escape, to get out of here. To just walk endlessly and lie down and die. Just disappear. I’m so fucking done. All the people, all the people; my friends, people I don’t wanna know, people I used to know. I tried and I fucked up, I haven’t had my pills in about a week. I just feel like shit. Everything’s crashing down, gone, just pointless bullshit. I hope she’s okay, I’m just unable to be there for her right now like I should(?) be. I need a reprieve. I need sleep too but that’ll just lead to more school. She […]
Just a couple more days, we’ll be having a sembreak and I’ll be taking medications.
Right now, I feel really tired. We have finals today. Can’t even get one thing memorized..
Later. Gotta go to the lecture now.
So I haven’t been updating recently and a lot has happened in my life, so I decided that I needed to somehow let it all out and share with you guys. DISCLAIMER: It will be long …
So idk if I told you but my cousin moved back to my city (he used to live in Chicago) and he’s currently training to be a police man, but something that has been bothering me since he got here.. First of all, he doesn’t live with us, he lives with his other grandma. Second of all, my mom and grandma spend every single night during the week making […]
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