I consider my depression a terminal illness. Some of us battling this illness, we know we will terminate our lives one day. We are basically just waiting to die, because we can’t be saved. The darkness inside will always be there, waiting to resurface . It won’t let us be normal. It won’t let us be happy. It’s like we are slaves to this darkness. We basically sign our lives away by taking all the medication, because once you’re on antidepressants, you can’t stop taking them or else you’ll really be fucked in the […]
*WARNING LONGEST STORY + RANT EVER ABOUT FIGHT WITH FAKE FRIENDS*
So once again I am taken advantage of and treated like shit for it. I try to be a good person and this is what I get. So I was friends with four girls, their initials are S,M,ME, and E, because i don’t want to use their real names. I was friends with them for almost a year and I noticed that even at lunch, M stopped talking to me. And a few days later, E told me M said “I need to talk to you about Tara, I am so done with her […]
Last year on December 9th I lost my virginty, to a guy I thought really liked me. We where talking over the summer and he was always busy. After many tries we finally saw each other. The place where we going to go was closed so he said lets just go to the park. He asked if I had any smokes, I told him no. So we went across the street and he made me pay for the cigs. As we got to the park it […]
Giving up is a terrifying thought. Naturally, you don’t want to give in and give up. But, once you start giving up, it’s the most liberating feeling in the world.
I know I should fight, be determined but I’m tired. Tired of everyone and everything tearing me down, so why not give up? Whats the point anyhow? Life is a goddamn contradictory lie so, why try to live it?
Giving up is terrifying, I know I shouldn’t, but damn does it feel good.
I just don’t know anymore….
Dirty Paws when I am at peace.
Any Other Name when I am gone.
King and Lionheart when I love.
Cannot Pretend when I am not loved.
Born to Die from beginning to end.
Stolen Dance when I am remembered.
Eyes On Fire when I destroyed.
Apologize when I regretted destroying.
Like Real People Do when it almost seemed real.
Broadripple Is Burning at my final hour.
Sex and Candy when it was just fun and games.
Reptilia at my best.
Blackout Days when you’re absent.
I hate when my mom is drunk or when her stupid boyfriend is drunk. ALL THEY DO IS FIGHT. I’m so sick of it, its been going on for 5 years, the alcohol the drugs the pushing the hitting. I’m done. They add so much more stress to me. I already have issues without them. I’m tired of the fighting. I hate seeing my mom crying, I hate seeing her drunk. I hate it when all her an her boyfriend want to do is drink. I stick around because my baby brother is 3 and someone has to be there to take him to the […]
Two weeks ago I left the psych ward after three months of trying to recover from depression and anxiety. Before I left, the shrinks there questioned me about how my three month stay had helped me. I lied, told them it changed something, told them it had made a difference, told them that “it taught myself a lot about me”. In truth, nothing has changed, but I didn’t have the balls to tell them about it. I felt like I had just wasted a quarter year of my life twiddling thumbs. I still feel anxious. I still feel depressed. I still feel like I could […]
Hi everyone.
I’m new to this site. I don’t know what I’m looking for or what I want because at the minute I don’t feel anything. I guess I want to be able to write things to people who have more chance of understanding. I had a couple of years of feeling I was making progress and on a path to happiness, but recently I feel so depressed and flat I have no emotion I’m just here. I used to cut and have tried to kill myself a few times. I just feel like I’m floating around struggling to concentrate and do my job well. I […]
I have no idea how long its been since i was last on here but i know its been awhile. I miss coming on the site everyday reading everyone’s stories, trying to help.
This week has been really rough for me. I have had 2 friends who tried killing themselves. Honestly i cant take this anymore. It hurts. I stayed up 2 nights in a row trying to talk one of them out. But it didn’t work…he tried and failed, thank god. I dont know what i would do without him in my life, he has talked me out of suicide a lot. theres something about […]
So some studies are suggesting that trans fats can make you dumber. I’ve got to add those to my “diet” so that I can be stupid and happy like so many other people. Nobody wants to be intelligent.
Night time sucks. I just lay here infested by terrible memories of a better time. I miss her. I shouldn’t but I do. She is the love of my life and the ignition of my ruin. I’m not going to do what I’m going to do because of her but because she’s gone. And I did it. I ended it. I wanted to be free of the burden of knowledge, but some shit just sticks. The worst part of it is the happiest memories of her are the ones that hurt the most. The ones I can’t purge. It’s an everlasting thorn in my flesh. […]
Things haven’t been going well at all…
I just float through life, trying to hold on to something.. seemingly anything there is to try and hold on to. I don’t want to be alone..alone in my life, in how I feel, in how I think and in how I see things from my perspective. I’m not done with this life yet, I don’t want to die like this..
From my wife leaving me, and never even sending so much as a hello via….? Nothing! ..to the sudden realization of mental illness….to constantly losing my job..never being good enough..to being right out used and brutally attacked…and the permanent […]
When I get up from being down I always try to get a new start. Make myself different like a new man. I try to get a new start to erase my mistakes. The next day everyone sees me, notices me. This kills me since I just want people to forget me. Remembering me is remembering my failures. So now instead of a new me people see a new failure to be made. How can I hold my head up high when every can see my flaws? A reason I would hate to die is because before I’m forgotten everyone would bring up the worst […]
I am having such trouble at school that I come home crying. I started high school. My friend doesn’t go there, she goes to a different school. I moved so I got zoned for another school. The people in my grade already has their friends, and cliques and I am just left out. My only close friend that I have doesn’t even talk to me as much as we did last year. I have like 1 or 2 people I hang out with at school but I don’t think that they even want to be friends with me. They make plans without me, hangout without […]
It’s harmless right. I’m not bothering anyone. I wish I was dead. Life is a ****ing joke! This is so stupid, I am so stupid, life is so stupid. I have known for many years how I would die. By my own hand, hanging from a tree in Letchworth, with the tips of my toes lightly brushing the snow topped forest floor. No one will find me until spring when the hikers break, hunters aren’t allowed in the state park. I have always loved that place, it’s so spiritual. I just keep thinking of my body being defiled by him. I am just left in […]
He is imperfect. Short, freckled, quiet. Intelligent with stunning blue eyes. Depressed and anxious. Heart broken and ostracized.
To me he is perfect. But he has been gone for quite some time now, locked away in a mental hospital I know he abhors. I didn’t know how much he meant to me until he wasn’t there. My days became more dull, I stopped smiling as much. I became sensitive, I holed up in my room, dreaming impossible dreams of a life with him.
I began to forget his voice. His beautiful face. His small stature compared to my tall one. The notes we would write each other […]
No one seems to truly care. It all seems like they superficially care and love me, but no one wants to sacrifice their time to help me in this crazy fast and lost world. You talk about depression and every body is like “Just be happy” or wants to give you tough love, as if that would help! I need somebody to walk it out with me, in person!
And then the subject of suicide is brought up and almost everybody says those people are cowards.
Look for help and all they wanna do is give you medication. I dont want medication, I want true love, help […]
I think about suicide every day, but generally not too seriously. I wonder if I’ll be happy in a year or so from now. Life is a random set of coincidences that ultimately has no inherent importance. Being a member of this “life” game is boring. People keep telling me that it’s fun. What exactly is fun about working, coming home, eating, fucking, sleeping, and dying? Relationships are pathetic. They all lead to divorce and disappointment. Work is just a pretty word for “slavery.” Houses are just like cozy prison cells. We’re stuck on this stupid rock, only to die here… so I guess humanity […]
Some people think life is so easy.. so easy to take.. to live.. life is so fucking easy when you are speaking your own language… but what if I can’t hear it? What if I can’t see it?
Think positive?
Thinking positive isn’t the same as what some would think… A positive notion to me would be if I just so happened to not wake up tomorrow. It’s not that I can’t make my life better (which I probably can’t) it’s that I don’t want life. I hate life. People can’t understand that, and I’m so confused as to why everyone isn’t born with […]
I have everything I ever wanted,
No… seriously , I do. Yet it feels like nothing, I hurt all the time and just want to sleep, cry and sleep. The hardest part is that it just makes me hate myself even more, the doctors say “depression” and give me pills that don’t work, the friends say it’s because I work too hard and suggest a drink (like I need ANOTHER addiction in my life to battle, one that is socially acceptable, cheap and everywhere, and I thought heroine was hard to stay away from). The saddest part of all of this is that I see myself […]