Right now my life feels like I’m window shopping. I look in the glass with my family in it and I feel alone. I see my sister my mom and dad all having a great time, going out to dinners, shopping, football games. And I’m standing at the window usually high, drunk, or sleeping. I walk past the window of my school and I see other students striving with their plans, about to graduate. As for me I’m staring through the window considering dropping out, I can’t even wake up in the morning to get myself to school. I look in the window of my […]

Hello.  You can call me M.  I’ve never told my story honestly to anyone.  But if you’re willing to listen to a bland rant, please stay.

My therapist is the closest to actually understanding me – not my dad, my mother, my grandmother, no one – but my therapist – we’ll call her K – she pried into my life and summarized me.  Helped me.  Listened.  Laughed.

Ironically, I’m just a young client to her, a misguided, awkward teen.  Nothing more.  She’s an objective audience, untied by family biases.

And she’s indifferent, correct?  She endures my little tales of woe and anxiety, etc, before dismissing me from her […]

I try. I try to do everything. I try to keep you happy. I try to really hard to keep you from getting upset. I try to get everything done. I try to finish what I start. I try to make you happy.
I try to be a good mom. I try not to give too much advice or leeway, but it seems I just cant find the right balance.
I try to be there for you when you need someone. I try to make myself available to you for just about everything. I try to make sure your always comfortable. I try to keep […]

I should probably start this post out by admitting to one thing- I am not suicidal. I am not suicidal but I am looking for help and to understand. My best friend and life partner is looking to kill himself and he has been wanting to talk about it with me, more and more, lately. These conversations end with him yelling because I don’t understand this very big part of him and me crying because the idea is just to painful for me to take in- being without my best friend. His habits of self-inflicted injury are becoming daily and I am at a loss […]

Fell to black and stitches blue

These scars all tell a story of you

Yes Creed.

Still alive folks. worried because I’m struggling not to slide into sadness again. I mean things do feel a bit different now that I’m on meds but I’m starting to think abut death a few times a day instead of one or two. And not always as a joke or an escape.

Started going to church again but it’s weird cuz it’s not the denomination i’m used to but there is a lot of singing and hugs so I’m figuring it out.  I’m trying to see if being connected with God or the Universe will make this all feel different.

I constantly have to do lists in […]

Everyone else I’m with is checking Facebook and I’m checking suicide project to make sure that I’m not alone in feeling insane!

Fuck me. Sick of this shit.

One day I’ll have to do it. It’s a fact at this point. The pain has gone on for so long and worsens every day. It feels so hollow and nothing fills the void.

I don’t recall what it feels like to really be happy. Only that I once was a long time ago. It’s so exhausting trying to force everything every day. It’s not my fault. I didn’t ask for this.

There’s something tearing away inside me and I can feel it starting to take over after all these years of fighting it.

One day I’ll have to stop it the only way I know how. The […]

To anyone who reads this.

I’m ready to go. I’m 60 years old, and have made a couple of mistakes that will, in a matter of days, destroy the rest of my life. I’m not staying around for it. At most, I may wait for confirmation. But I don’t want to wait to long, and lose my window of opportunity to do this.

I have assembled nearly everything I need for a suicide bag, including the helium, and hose. I still don’t have the elastic, and the little barrel nut thing for the neck cord. The local fabric store was packed. I’ll go back in later today […]

I know in the back of my mind it won’t help but it’ll at least help me forget.

or give me the confidence to finally kill myself. I need to feel less guilty. Then I’ll finally do it.

I have never been one to share my personal thoughts or feelings. I try to go throughout life quietly, minding my own business and not involving anyone with my personal affairs. That being said, this was difficult to publish into cyber space, among all the folks who have nothing better to do but verbally attack other human beings from behind a screen. I know that. But here I am. I have never been a “glass half full” type of person. I’m more of a “the entire lake is dried up” kind of gal. Which is why I found it strange and even checked myself for […]

finally my death comes, my breathing is really bad again…
these are my last word in this site… I need to write something for my family too, I want to thank them for everything… bye…

thanks everyone…

My Name Is: Inuk ***** goodbye…

To whom it may concern:

I just wanted you all to know (you know who you are), that i appreciate the time and energy, as well as the privilege of an audience, and debate… the interactions… those of you who have, have shared with me.

You all helped me in ways i cannot sufficiently verbalize, even in the harsh times. I spent a lot of time here, shared many thoughts, ideas and feelings, with many people. You guys were like my e-family. You guys were there to challenge me, or to comfort me, or to just occupy my focus… when i needed anyone, and had no one […]

“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill himself doesn’t do so out of ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom it’s invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill himself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just […]

….There are so many of us. So many of us who feel suicidal and want to harm ourselves. Yet most of us say we hide away and/or try to fit in. Why is there this pressure/stigma to depression that just adds to the guilt we already have. Scared of hurting family and friends by telling them how we honestly feel. Other people can be selfish, put themselves first, are taught to look after themselves if they are treated wrong or are ill, but feeling suicidal doesn’t get anything other than a raised eyebrow, or a look of fear from people like you are going to blow […]

“Mind led body to the edge of the precipice. They stared in desire at the naked abyss. If you love me, said mind, take that step into silence. If you love me, said body, turn and exist.” -Unknown

Dear whoever,

Is there even anybody who reads this? Or maybe we’re all just self indulgent in our misery :/

Anyway here I am, this is new. I feel silly. My boyfriend abuses me. Mostly emotionally but sometimes physically. It’s not stopping.

Tbh I must be really unlucky or been a dictator in my past life. I was adopted because my parents were too young and too high on some kind of drug, I don’t know which they never told me. Unfortunately my adopted parents weren’t…great? Well my mum mainly, but I blame my dad more because he knew she was hurting me but ignored it.

So I guess […]

A nice round bottom to spoon against.
My jeep cleaned up.
My apartment vacuumed.
I should go eat some lunch.

Then I’ll be good to go.

I mean, how do they help. I already know what’s wrong and I can’t fix it. I’ve been twice. I cancelled yesterday’s appointment because I don’t see the point. I’m a private person, whining to this yahoo ain’t helping anything, just let’s another judge me. I’m very close to leaving, I’m having the same feeling you get on your last day on the job, the last day of school. I’m done. There will be another failure and that’ll be enough to push the first domino.

Why the fuck do I NEED therapy. It won’t fix anything.

Let me tell you a True story.A story of a Childs dreams and how he ended up being the very thing he hates.Dont worry about his name.

Many years ago there was once a child,a boy.The boy was a very happy,and cheerful,and hyper.He loved going to his cousins house to play,he loved going outside,and he loved to be around other people.This child started off just like any other…pure.He had dreams of being a soldier,of being a firefighter,and of being a Hero.more than anything the boy wanted to be someone who helped others.He wanted to help the poor be happy,he wanted to give those who had nothing,everything.Unfortunately […]