A little time ago I tried to kill myself.

I was taking these meds for depression and anxiety and also some kind of sleeping pills, ’cause I was feeling really bad. I have abandoned school and I’ve spent my days sleeping, crying, talking with my therapist, doing to myself all kind of self harm, drinking all night and things like these.

I was afraid of the night, ’cause even if my mother was trying to take care of me ’cause she knew everything, at night I was somehow always alone. When everyone slept I was always still there, facing my demons in the dark, trying not to […]

No one seems to truly care. It all seems like they superficially care and love me, but no one wants to sacrifice their time to help me in this crazy fast and lost world. You talk about depression and every body is like “Just be happy” or wants to give you tough love, as if that would help! I need somebody to walk it out with me, in person!

And then the subject of suicide is brought up and almost everybody says those people are cowards.

Look for help and all they wanna do is give you medication. I dont want medication, I want true love, help […]

Nobody seems to understand what I’m feeling, even if someone know what I’m fighting. I’m desperately searching for someone in which I can confide. I want to talk about my feelings ’cause they’re too heavy for only one person. I feel stupid when I try to talk with someone about all I’m thinking.

I feel like a fool. Sometimes insane.

I’m so afraid of everything. I don’t want to be alone in this, but it’s so complicated and I feel like it would never end. I want to finish this story, this black long chapter of my life. It’s me that I’m really fighting?

I want someone which […]

So as you can see you already know what i’m about to talk about, yeah i might be young but sex as a different meaning for me the more the half of the other my age younger or older, yes i’m a virgin but it’s really sad seeing sex just becoming what its becoming today as weird as it may seems sex is a gift, i see i as a gift, a gift to your husband and wife and it’s kinda the reason why i want to stay a virgin till marriage (lol if i’m not dead ) but yeah i always tough of sex […]

The male, for all his bravado and exploration, is the loyal one, the one who generally feels love. The female is skilled at betrayal and torture and damnation.

I used to have faith of some kind (no specific religion; I considered myself to be Agnostic) but after having experienced life and seeing so many horrible things, I no longer believe in a “higher power”. The chaos of life and the fact that there is no control and ultimately no consequences for the vicious acts that humans carry out every day is terrifying. I often find myself cursing at God and then reminding myself that no one can hear me.

With the exception of going to work, I live my life in absolute isolation because I don’t trust anyone (twenty some odd years and I haven’t met one […]

my last post holds alot of personal meaning…..maybe for all of us in one way r another…….i hope

when i think of heaven, deliver me in a black winged bird….i think of dying

lay me down in a field of flame and heather,

render up my body into the burning heart of god

in the belly of a black winged bird- Adam duritz

in the beginingwas the myth. God, in his search for self expression, invested the souls of
hindus, greeks, and germans with poetic shapes and continues to invest each childs soul with poetry every day.-hesse, Peter camenzind

“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can’t readily accept the God formula, the big answers don’t […]

Hey my classmates made this video, if we get enough people to watch it we get extra credit plus it sends out an important message to people everywhere.  Watch it and tell me what you think -No, I am not featured in this film 🙁

Dear she who will not be named

I never asked you to be a part of my life. You shouldn’t have ever said hello or looked my way. That day on the subway when for some reason or another you asked me to watch your shit while you paid, you should have just thanked me and been on your way. There was no reason to start a conversation, to ask me about my day or any of it. You were just a stranger and it’s funny that after everything that happened that’s all you are once more. A stranger. Somebody that I thought I knew, that I thought […]

Everyone is just an acquaintance. I can’t really connect with anyone. Being by myself minimizes the agony of being apart of this world. But even then it’s unbearable.

“No one talks to her, she feels so alone
She’s in too much pain to survive on her own
The hurt she can’t handle overflows to a knife
She writes on her arm and wants to give up her life”

When ever I hear this song this is the part when I start to cry…This pretty much perfectly describes my life and I’ve noticed it for years now. I seriously need help but I refuse to tell my parents about my depression, my mom already thinks she fucked up on raising us and I feel like telling her about it will only […]

I always feel like i shouldn’t be like that, that people have it worst then me and that i’m being depressed over stupid thing and ugh like that girl i just read about her past and looking at my life i’m having it the easy way so maybe i should just grown up and stop being a child cause everything is right, right? Maybe i should just forget about my depression cause other have it worst. I remember having a message from this anonymous guys telling me how i’m shit cause all the things that ever happen to me are baby scars and that other […]

Last year i decided to have a suicide date but i couldn’t really decide then i made a list, a list of thing i have and haven;t done and i have a lot of things i haven’t done and that list became like a bucket list for me, the title “Things before my suicide date”. The date i never really had a date all i knew is that i would wait till i’m 18 and that maybe by then things will be great, so i’m really hopping that things get great by then but if it doesn’t i already know what to do, it’s like […]

i always wonder how it was to have friend, how is it to have people that cares for you or that would actually give a shit if tomorrow they woke but you didn’t. how is it really, cause all i know is that I’ve always been alone all me life and never really had any affection from someone other then myself, lol funny cause even myself don’t like myself, so i never loved or felt loved, i always wonder how it felt, like does you really think of the person all the time, do you really do things for the good of that person, does […]

you could have been great.

but your mother is a poor adulterous whore

and your father is a cheating son of a child molester

and your step-mother is a vindictive ****

and you are a weak selfish bastard

nobody wants to see you succeed