Idk what to say…I guess I’ll talk about what made me the way I am. I’ve been suicidal and a cutter since I being the youngest of ten kids I could never speak up about how I felt. Who’d listen? I was being molested by my big brother…the family secret. When I was ten I finally tried telling my mom what was happening, she promised to make it stop…it didn’t. Every night I’d be in bed and wake up and feel my brother’s hand going up my nightgown. I would kick him to make him go away….I didn’t dare scream for fear my parents would […]
Do you remember when your breaking point was. When you finally couldn’t take all the darkness that you felt around you. The moment you let yourself down.. The moment when you didn’t give a shit if you died or lived. I remember it and I have the evidence for the rest of my existing life. I only cut myself on the left side of my wrist. Why ruin your other wrist. Just put the pain all in one spot at a time. Just look at your artwork of scars. I remember when the breaking point was. I promised my self I would never harm myself, […]
Someone told me a few days ago that their birthday was April 20th and that got me thinking about Columbine again. Of course, thinking about Columbine got me started on death and suicide again, so I watched a bunch of videos with shootings ending in suicide, and looking up suicide obituaries. I secretly thought I was moving forward, but I guess I’m not. I tried to look up how to tie a bedsheet noose, but it’s a lot different than an actual noose, judging by the photos online. I wasn’t even feeling suicidal until I started trying to make it, and then it just hit […]
It doesn’t matter how much volunteer work I do, how many jobs I work at, how many classes I take, or how much I actively reach out to help people. Nobody wants anything to do with me. I’m very lonely. Nobody messages me or asks me to hang out with them, nobody asks how I’m doing, and last year nobody visited me in the hospital when I was there for a week. What’s wrong with me? Why am I this big of a social outcast? Why am I treated like I’m just extraordinarily annoying? I really just want to die. I want the pain to […]
“SoCal, Belly, West-Coast, The Morlocks”
But still the sun shines
I don’t know, I don’t know
What I can find
The only way to follow
Is through another spirit
But I seek from the dark
The gold, the gold heart
Still on to a next sound
I’ve sung for three-hundred days
What more can I say in my abyss
I want to move forward, to evolve
I need a friend
The crevice of the beast in the web
I seek the golden, I am the iron
And there is a poison that destroys
Truth-reality, essence of Gaia inside of me
I listen to the flower of the […]
I consider my depression a terminal illness. Some of us battling this illness, we know we will terminate our lives one day. We are basically just waiting to die, because we can’t be saved. The darkness inside will always be there, waiting to resurface . It won’t let us be normal. It won’t let us be happy. It’s like we are slaves to this darkness. We basically sign our lives away by taking all the medication, because once you’re on antidepressants, you can’t stop taking them or else you’ll really be fucked in the […]
I want desperately to die. Theres deep dark secretes that I havnt told anyone and everything is eating me alive. Just to name a few:
I think I have cancer
My mom is an alcoholic
I cut
Family issues
Forever alone
I know some seem stupid, but its true. Everyone hates me because I have my own mind. I do what I want. I try to do my best to do what Im told, but I fuck everything up. Im not fit to be around people. I just want to die. Life sucks dick and im ready to leave. Someone please help me. I want to die so bad, but im […]
Could really use a quick chat.. Anyone? Find me on kik at darkestraven1218
I don’t know where to start. If I could choose this story would be a lot longer. I want to tell you a part of my suicide story.
Please, I know that when you are young you have your whole life ahead of you. But it doesn’t apply on me because I dont feel my age. Though my physical body is 17. So just bare with me.
Last year I started in a new school at the age of 16. I started there completly alone, with no one I knew. We where well prepaired for 3 years of studying by the teachers who made sure that everyone […]
That’s what ones close to me say. If they don’t say it i know that they think so. Everyone has a different definition of the word. Crazy is a word you use when you don’t understand something….In my opinion. I already know that they can’t or will never understand. No one understands. No one around here anyways. People are too quick to judge. I want them to spend a day in my shoes… see how long it would take for them to crack. I’ve held on this meaningless shit since i was 16. But hey, they say it’s just life, and it is.
How can one go on with life that promises no hope. How can one break a smile with no source of joy. Its always a failed battle. What else can be a reason to hang on?I have not one reason left. I have no love left for myself. I am angry for being the complete definition of worthless. I desire nothing else in life but death. True happiness is leaving and not living in a life that doesn’t consider you a significant piece of the whole puzzle. The only cure to this lifelong suffering is death. And thus…one of these days I’llkiss this foresaken world […]
Our Father in Heaven, blessed be Your Name. We thank you for the grace You’ve given us, for blessings everyday that we’re alive. We’re grateful for Your guidance and the plans You’ve planned for us. Your plans are perfect and you have shaped us to be this way.
As as much as I appreciate Your Love, my Father, I am afraid I am not worth much. Forgive me for my sins. This servant of yours is not holy and is not worth Your Presence. But again, it’s by Your divine love that You’ve picked us up again and again, never leaving our side. Thank you for […]
I was happy with everything in my life until 6th grade, when I found out I was gay. I haven’t told anyone I am yet, but how can I? My mom, one of the people I trust the most said on election day “I’m not voting to allow gay marriage, it’s just wrong and unholy.”. Until then I thought I could tell her anything and she would still love me. Now I have suicidal thoughts, cut myself and cry almost daily and still nobody has a clue that they are torturing me. I’m 15 now and I still don’t know what to do. I’ve always tried to […]
I tell myself everyday when i wake up that things will get better. I was told that this is therapeutic… can they be anymore wrong? I cry everyday until my face becomes numb. Constantly being told that i should suck it up and also telling myself that i don’t need any professional help. They say everything works out on it’s own terms , but it feels as if my life is slowly spiraling downwards. This is Hell in my opinion. Feeling as if there is nothing i can do to change it. I’m stuck in the same sorry cycle. I told myself that […]
I’m looking for a short term coping mechanism that allows me to remain functional and that won’t lead to a downward spiral that damages my family – something I can keep hidden, and that won’t ruin my health and make things harder long term.
I don’t fancy cutting – I don’t like scars, or the sight of my own blood.
I’ve never found alcohol particularly effective, and the lives of alcoholics seem to unravel frequently.
Likewise, other recreational drugs seem to lead to a downward spiral. I don’t wan’t to end up on the street, or forcing my family to intervene, or getting a criminal record.
I haven’t really […]
I guess I’m writing this more for myself than anybody else…it just breaks my heart sometimes knowing that the one place you thought where you will be understood and not judged can also be infiltrated by people who cannot do the former and do the latter. I mean this place, our SP community, is a place to share our stories not just about having done it, attempted it and survived it but also having contemplated and/or contemplating it. Contemplating it meaning thinking about it…wondering why do we feel the need to end it? What is going on in our lives? Why must we hold on […]
God loves a fool. That is the reason I am still here. It is not because I have strong survival skills. My parents was proud of having a strong baby girl overcoming autism.
Unfortunately, I am not. I think it is a mistake they made for having me. Somehow I think I am burden to them as well as to this world. I guess if it weren’t for me, the autistic kid, my sister and brother could have turned out well . I grew with the world centering around me . I spent my entire childhood visiting psychiatrist, trying all kinds of things […]
I cant get anything right. I’m on my 4th attempt, every other attempt would have worked for anyome else but it seems like the world just wants me to suffer.
I wrapped my car around a tree at 120mph, climbed out of the roof and walked away not a scratch on me.
I highsided my motorbike in excess of 130mph, and just rolled into a ditch, not a scratch on me.
I locked myself in a tiny bathroom, sealed all the vents, with 4kg of smouldering charcoal, and I woke up with nothing but a headache.
I have 2.6g of Sertraline, 24g of Paracetomol, and 8g of Ibuprofen. I […]
http://mydeathspace.com/article-list.aspx?q=suicide
look at the suicide sections.. it made me feel a bit numb and some of the stories are shocking.. the one that touched me the most was of this one couple Derrick and Amy Ross made me teary…
*WARNING LONGEST STORY + RANT EVER ABOUT FIGHT WITH FAKE FRIENDS*
So once again I am taken advantage of and treated like shit for it. I try to be a good person and this is what I get. So I was friends with four girls, their initials are S,M,ME, and E, because i don’t want to use their real names. I was friends with them for almost a year and I noticed that even at lunch, M stopped talking to me. And a few days later, E told me M said “I need to talk to you about Tara, I am so done with her […]